Wanting to be More Horny

Following from our ‘horny all the time’ podcast, this podcast explores what we might do if we are wanting to be more horny.



The first big question if you feel this way is ‘why?’ There’s so much pressure in wider culture to be horny and sexual that it’s really hard to step outside that cultural script and decide whether it’s something you really want for yourself, or more something you feel you should be. Also it’s easy for people in our lives to put pressure on us to be as horny as they are – especially if we have a sexual relationship.

The most important thing here is that it is really okay not to be horny ever. It’s also okay to only be horny some of the time, or only a bit horny. There is so much to be learnt from asexual communities here about the fact it is fine not to experience sexual attraction or sexual desire, or to only experience them very occasionally, or only in certain situations.

Consent is vital. It’s really important not to do anything sexual that we don’t want to do because we feel like we should. Not only is it damaging to be treated – or to treat ourselves – non-consensually, it will most likely leave us feeling even less horny or interested in sex than we were before.

If you are aware of all of that and would still like to feel horny more of the time, then you might want to reflect on horniness as a biopsychosocial thing. What aspects of your body and brain (bio), your experiences through life (psycho), and the culture around you (social) contribute to your horniness – and your experiences of erotic stuff more generally? What might you do on all of those levels to invite more horniness? For example, for bio you might think about times of day you feel more relaxed or available for horniness and focus on those times, or situations your body feels most comfortable in – or in less pain. You might get your hormone levels checked out or find toys that stimulate you most. For psycho you might reflect on good and bad past sexual experiences and find ways to incorporate the better ones into your current sexual times. You might do our Make Your Own Sex Manual zine to tune into your sexual desires. For social you might cultivate friendships and community where you can talk about this stuff with likeminded people, or go to events or workshops where you can learn in a culture that invites consent and horniness.

Being present to flickers of horniness is important: cultivating micro-moments of horniness when you have them and fanning the flame by allowing yourself to explore them. You might invite more erotica, porn, fantasy, or playing with bodily sensations into your solo sex, or sex with other people. It’s also important not to be aiming at a certain kind of sex/bodily experience like erection or orgasm. Again this makes those things – and horniness itself – less likely to happen.

If you’re sexual with another person it’s important to remember that it’s fine and normal to have discrepancies and fluctuations in your levels of horniness. There’s lots about how to navigate that in our book and zines.

© Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock, 2019

SOURCE:

https://megjohnandjustin.com/you/wanting-to-be-more-horny/(accessed 29.1.24)