Unboxing childhood: Parenting in the context of gender stereotypes

Alina Morawska on themes included in her new British Psychological Society book.

29 June 2026


When I was pregnant, 'what are you having?' was one of the most common questions that came my way. The obvious answer to that question is 'a baby' but clearly that's not what people wanted to know. When I revealed our choice not to find out the baby's sex, quite a few responded with surprise and a further question: 'so, how are you going to prepare?' I'd had very limited prior experience with babies, but we had attended all the antenatal classes, read a lot of books, and moreover I had a postgraduate degree in psychology. I was a 'parenting expert'. But was there something that I had missed?

With my scientist hat on, I conducted a systematic review (Morawska, 2020). I also came across a whole host of examples of the recognition given to how culture and gender interact. These included efforts to reduce the sex stereotypical marketing of toys to children (Fine & Rush, 2018); the adoption of policies to encourage girls' participation in STEM; gender-transformative programs (Levy et al., 2020); and debates about the impact of early sexualisation of children.

Once my review was complete, I was left with the feeling that I hadn't missed a step in my personal preparation… but perhaps I had not fully considered the sociocultural influences on the development of gender roles, the part this might play in ongoing gender inequities, and the implications of this for parents.
Expectations, attitudes, and behaviours

The development of stereotyped gender roles appears to be shaped from the earliest months and years of life (Halim et al., 2017). Most children are exposed to a continuing barrage of stereotyped sex roles from birth (Haines et al., 2016). At the most basic level, parents decide whether to dress their baby in pink or blue clothes, what toys to buy, and how to decorate their baby's nursery. They also have expectations and attitudes, both implicit and explicit, about sex roles, which influence how they interact with their child, how they communicate, and what behaviours they model (Endendijk et al., 2017; Morawska et al., 2025). For example, pregnant mothers describe their foetus' movement differently when they know their baby's sex (Rothman, 1986) and mothers have shown differences in expectations of physical performance of crawling babies (Mondschein et al., 2000) and sports and maths competence of primary schoolers (Tenenbaum & Leaper, 2003).

Babies come into the world primed for interaction with others and look for patterns, and gender is a salient cue in early environments. Even before they identify with being a boy or a girl, toddlers can sort items by gender (e.g., Serbin et al., 2001) – trucks are for boys and dolls are for girls. But there is very little evidence that many of the gender differences most of us can readily recite (pink vs blue, ballet vs rugby) are driven by innate differences between sexes.

Actually, there is considerable evidence for greater levels of gender similarity than differences (Hyde, 2014) and even in the areas of greatest difference, there is a huge degree of overlap between men and women (Joel et al., 2015). And there is a cost to emphasising gender differences: parents and other caregivers may overlook their children's abilities and needs because of their gendered expectations. Ultimately, we might be narrowing children's choices and opportunities when we assume that they are not interested in something because of their sex.
So, what can parents do?

A good starting point is to reflect on your own expectations in relation to your child's sex and their interests, preferences and activities. To what extent are those expectations shaped by stereotypes? How do these expectations and attitudes shape your parenting and interactions with your child? It's also important to consider the extent to which these expectations and attitudes are consistent with your broader values and ways you want to parent. If they're not, then consider what needs to change.

Another important element is to think about what you are modelling for your child. This can be the different roles parents play in families, such as who does which chores, but also how sex and gender are spoken about, what jokes are made about men and women and how parents talk about themselves and about their child. You might also consider what your child is exposed to in the media and online that might shape their views and attitudes.

Tune into and listen to what your child prefers and is interested in without making assumptions based on their sex. Just because they have chosen to play with the doll (or not) doesn't necessarily imply anything about their sex-based preferences. To create an environment that is responsive to a child's individual preferences, it is important to offer diversity of choices in toys, clothes, activities, and chores, that signal to your child that they can pick and choose what interests them and that you value their individuality.

When children do make choices – whether those be stereotypical or counter-stereotypical ones – watch your own reactions. What are your thoughts? Do they confirm your assumptions? How does the choice make you feel? And importantly how do you react – do you applaud the stereotypical choice or make a big deal out of a counter-stereotypical choice? Your reaction provides implicit signals to your child about what is ok and what is not.

As children get older, talk to them about diversity and individual differences and choices. Create an environment where children are willing to talk and ask questions that help them understand the complexities of their environment. Gender stereotypes exist and children are likely to be exposed to sexism at some point, so helping them recognise what's happening and find ways to respond in ways that promote agency and a sense of self-efficacy are important.

Talk to other caregivers about your approach – not everyone is going to necessarily share the same values and attitudes, but you can be clear on your approach to parenting.
The complexities of gendered environments

Ultimately, the aim is not to create an environment where sex and gender do not exist, but one that offers choices and options that are responsive to the child's individual needs and preferences and their developmental stage. For older children, it's about providing opportunities to understand gender stereotypes and how these can be navigated.

At this stage, while broad-based effective, evidence-based strategies to support parents in promoting the development of skills and capabilities in all children exist (Doyle et al., 2023) ones that focus on aspects of gendered stereotypes and environments do not. Parents report they are interested in supporting less stereotyped environments (Gates et al., 2026) so we need more research to better understand how parents and children can be best supported to navigate the complexities of gendered environments.


Alina Morawska, PhD; Parenting and Family Support Centre, School of Psychology, The University of Queensland
Key Topics in Parenting and Family Psychology, by Alina Morawska and Amy Mitchell, is published as part of the British Psychological Society’s ‘Key Topics’ series, in association with Routledge.
See also our ‘Parenting’ collection.


The Parenting and Family Support Centre is partly funded by royalties stemming from published resources of the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, which is developed and owned by The University of Queensland (UQ). Royalties are also distributed to the Faculty of Health, Medicine and Behavioural Sciences at UQ and contributory authors of published Triple P resources. Triple P International (TPI) Pty Ltd is a private company licensed by Uniquest Pty Ltd on behalf of UQ, to publish and disseminate Triple P worldwide. Dr Morawska has no share or ownership of TPI, but does receive royalties from TPI. TPI had no involvement in the writing of this manuscript. Dr Morawska is an employee at UQ.
References

Doyle, F. L., Morawska, A., Higgins, D. J., et al. (2023). Policies are needed to increase the reach and impact of evidence-based parenting supports: A call for a population-based approach to supporting parents, children, and families. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 54, 891–904. doi:10.1007/s10578-021-01309-0

Endendijk, J. J., Groeneveld, M. G., van der Pol, L. D., et al. (2017). Gender differences in child aggression: Relations with gender-differentiated parenting and parents' gender-role stereotypes. Child development, 88(1), 299–316. doi:10.1111/cdev.12589

Fine, C., & Rush, E. (2018). "Why Does all the Girls have to Buy Pink Stuff?" The Ethics and Science of the Gendered Toy Marketing Debate. Journal of Business Ethics, 149(4), 769-784. doi:10.1007/s10551-016-3080-3

Gates, S., Morawska, A., Lee, H. M., & Hepburn, S. (2026). Parental perceptions of gender-neutral parenting. Journal of Child and Family Studies 35, 947–962. doi:10.1007/s10826-026-03262-9

Haines, E. L., Deaux, K., & Lofaro, N. (2016). The times they are a-changing … or are they not? A comparison of gender stereotypes, 1983–2014. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 40(3), 353-363. doi:10.1177/0361684316634081

Halim, M. L. D., Ruble, D. N., Tamis-LeMonda, C. S., et al. (2017). Gender Attitudes in Early Childhood: Behavioral Consequences and Cognitive Antecedents. Child development, 88(3), 882-899. doi:10.1111/cdev.12642

Hyde, J. S. (2014). Gender Similarities and Differences. Annual Review of Psychology, 65(1), 373-398. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115057

Joel, D., Berman, Z., Tavor, I., et al. (2015). Sex beyond the genitalia: The human brain mosaic. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 112(50), 15468-15473. doi:10.1073/pnas.1509654112

Levy, J. K., Darmstadt, G. L., Ashby, C., et al. (2020). Characteristics of successful programmes targeting gender inequality and restrictive gender norms for the health and wellbeing of children, adolescents, and young adults: a systematic review. The Lancet Global Health, 8(2), e225-e236. doi:10.1016/S2214-109X(19)30495-4

Mondschein, E. R., Adolph, K. E., & Tamis-LeMonda, C. S. (2000). Gender bias in mothers' expectations about infant crawling. J Exp Child Psychol, 77(4), 304-316. doi:10.1006/jecp.2000.2597

Morawska, A. (2020). The effects of gendered parenting on child development outcomes: A systematic review Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 23(4), 553-576. doi:0.1007/s10567-020-00321-5

Morawska, A., Baker, S., & Hepburn, S. (2025). Sex-based parent attributions for child behaviour. Child Psychiatry & Human Development. doi:10.1007/s10578-025-01942-z

Rothman, B. K. (1986). The Tentative Pregnancy: Prenatal Diagnosis and the Future of Motherhood New York, NY: Penguin Books.

Serbin, L. A., Poulin-Dubois, D., Colburne, K. A., et al. (2001). Gender stereotyping in infancy: Visual preferences for and knowledge of gender-stereotyped toys in the second year. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 25(1), 7-15. doi:10.1080/01650250042000078

Tenenbaum, H. R., & Leaper, C. (2003). Parent-child conversations about science: The socialization of gender inequities? . Developmental Psychology, 39(1), 34-47. doi:10.1037/0012-1649.39.1.34

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/unboxing-childhood-parenting-context-gender-stereotypes(accessed 29.6.26)

Sex and Menopause: Treatment for Symptoms

Some women have vaginal dryness when their bodies experience the menopausal transition. This can make sex painful. Women may also experience a tightening of the vaginal opening, burning, itching, and dryness (called vaginal atrophy). Fortunately, there are options for women to address these issues. Talk with your doctor, who can suggest treatment options.
Sex is becoming painful: What can I do?

Pain during sexual activity is called dyspareunia. Like other symptoms of the menopausal transition, dyspareunia may be minor and not greatly affect a woman’s quality of life. However, some women experience severe dyspareunia that prevents them from engaging in any sexual activity without pain.


Many find relief from vaginal dryness during sex by using a nonprescription, water-based lubricant, a variety of which can be found at most grocery and drug stores.

Other women try over-the-counter vaginal moisturizers, which are used regularly and not just during sex to replenish moisture and relieve dryness.

Your doctor might suggest prescription hormones. Local vaginal treatments (such as estrogen creams, rings, or tablets) are often used to treat this symptom. These treatments provide lower hormone doses to the rest of the body than a pill or patch.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved two nonhormone medications, called ospemifene and prasterone, to treat moderate to severe dyspareunia caused by vaginal changes that occur with menopause. Your doctor can tell you about the risks and benefits of these medications.





Explore this fact sheet (PDF, 154KB) provided by the NIH-funded Study of Women’s Health Across the Nation for more information on sexual functioning and vaginal Health.

Learn more about menopause, and symptoms like hot flashes and sleep problems. You can also visit MyMenoPlan, an evidence-based tool developed by NIA-funded researchers, to learn about treatments and coping strategies and create a personalized plan.
You may also be interested inReading more about sexuality and intimacy in older adults
Learning how to talk with your doctor about sensitive issues
Finding general information about menopause

SOURCE:

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/menopause/sex-and-menopause-treatment-symptoms(accessed 25.6.26)

Are you too old to worry about safe sex?

Age does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Older people who are sexually active may be at risk for diseases including syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydial infection, genital herpes, hepatitis B, genital warts, and trichomoniasis.

People who are sexually active, no matter their age, may also be at risk of being infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. In fact, the number of older people with HIV/AIDS is growing. You are at risk for HIV/AIDS if you or your partner has more than one sexual partner, if you are having unprotected sex, or if either you or your partner is sharing needles.

To protect yourself, always use a condom during vaginal or anal sex and use a dental dam or other barrier method during oral sex. Learn more about using condoms, dental dams, and other ways you can prevent STDs.

Talk with your health care provider about ways to protect yourself from STDs and infections during your regular check-ups and if you have any concerns between visits. Remember, you are never too old to be at risk.
What can you do?

There are approaches you can take for an active and enjoyable sex life. If you have a partner, talk openly with them about the changes you are experiencing, and try not to blame yourself or your partner. Take time to enjoy each other and to understand the changes you both may be facing. This time in your life can be an opportunity to form more intimate bonds and explore your sexual relationship in a new way.

You may also find it helpful to talk with a therapist, either alone or with your partner. Some therapists have special training in helping people with sexual problems. If you sense changes in your partner’s attitude toward sex, don’t assume they are no longer interested in you or in having an active sex life with you. Many of the things that cause sexual problems in older adults can be rectified.

For example, if you are experiencing pain due to vaginal dryness, your health care professional or a pharmacist can suggest over-the-counter lubricants or moisturizers to use. Water-based lubricants can be used to make sex more comfortable, whereas moisturizers can be used regularly over time to replenish moisture and reduce dryness. Your provider also might suggest prescription hormones, such as a vaginal estrogen, or nonhormone medications that are also approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to treat painful sex.

If ED is the problem, it can often be managed with medications or other treatments. A health care professional may suggest lifestyle changes, such as limiting alcohol or increasing physical activity, to help reduce ED. A health care professional may also prescribe testosterone for people with low levels of this hormone. Although taking testosterone may help with ED, it may also lead to serious side effects and can affect how other medicines work. Make sure to talk with your health care provider about testosterone therapy and testing your testosterone levels. Be wary of any dietary or herbal supplements promising to treat ED. These products may have dangerous side effects or interact with prescription medicines. Always talk to a health care provider before taking any herb or supplement. Another important reason to see your health care provider for ED is that it may be a sign of an underlying health problem that should be treated, such as clogged blood vessels or nerve damage from diabetes.

Physical problems can change your sex life as you get older. If you are single, dating may be easier later in life when you’re more confident and sure of what you want. If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner may discover new ways to be together as you grow older. Talk to your partner or partners about your needs.
You may also be interested inReading about treatment for sexual symptoms of menopause
Finding suggestions for talking with your doctor about sensitive issues
Learning about bladder health and incontinence

SOURCE:

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/sexuality/sexuality-and-intimacy-older-adults#are-you-too-old-to-worry-about-safe-sex(accessed 25.6.26)

‘While I wait, I think and dream’

Ragan Benson, a student at Manchester Metropolitan University, introduces a partnership with the University of Bethlehem around ‘creativity in waiting’, with contributions from Dr Aspa Paltoglou, Amie Disley, and Dr Fadel Alsawayfa.

22 June 2026


Some weeks ago, as part of our placement with the University of Bethlehem and Dr Fadel Alsawayfa, Dr Aspa Paltoglou (Manchester Metropolitan University) shared with us an article from The Psychologist website by Dr Ayse Burcin Baskurt, on how 'waiting' offers a 'space for creativity to quietly take root and grow'. In our placements meetings we discussed how we could apply 'creativity in waiting' to real-world situations. We were also interested in creativity as an effective way to mitigate trauma (van Westrhenen & Fritz, 2014), helping people narrate traumatic events in a new way (Rubinstein et al., 2025), and to develop skills such as resilience and empathy (Tie et al., 2024). Our focus was an exploration of waiting, trauma, and creativity within the context of Palestine.

We decided to use poetry as our creative medium. The flow of thoughts poetry encourages is a crucial element in developing a sense of 'internal control', as it allows the poet to pause and reflect. Towards the end of the placement, we had a workshop for Education students located in Palestine, to co-reflect on waiting through poetry.

I was thoroughly impressed with the student's commitment to every task we gave them. Whilst we anticipated around 2-5 minutes for each task, the students were still sending us poems they had written 15 minutes after we set that task. It was apparent that they all put a lot of effort into all they wrote, as some truly beautiful poems were produced. Some students followed the prompts we gave exactly, whilst some took a more liberal approach, using it as the starting point and nothing more. Regardless of what they ended up doing, we were thrilled that the students were so willing to partake in our project.

The first task was a development of the game 'I spy', which involved selecting something in your environment you can see and stating how it is making you feel. Some examples included:'In my small eyes, I see birds that make me feel free.'
'The sound of rustling leaves and the fresh scent of pine create a peaceful escape from the noise of the world'
'I spy with my little eye a quiet moment around me, and that makes me feel calm and hopeful.'

We found these responses fascinating, as themes of freedom and hope were already emerging, showing the resilience of these students. We hoped that poetry would further provide an outlet to develop this skill.

The next task we delivered was to take a sentence starter and develop it to fit your experience. The sentence starter we used was 'While I wait, I...'. We chose this as it not only encourages them to creatively consider what they currently do, however it also gives us an idea of how much they use creativity already. Some of the students developed a sentence based of this, whilst others crafted whole poems from this starter. Some examples of these include:'While I waited, I reminisced about the sweet things that happened to me that day.'
'While I wait, I think and dream,
Ideas flow just like a stream.
A little thought, a simple start,
Creativity in my heart.'

The themes from the previous task were still apparent, but some students were diving into the imagery in their surroundings, whilst others focused more on their experiences through reminiscing.

The last task was getting the students to complete the traditional poem 'Roses are red, violets are blue...', with alternative options such as 'Olives are green, the sea is blue'.

Going into the presentation, I had hoped to inspire these students to carry on writing poetry when they are waiting. By the end, their work had inspired me as well. Despite everything, their poems featured strong themes of hope and freedom. It was a reminder for me that connecting with others through poetry, can be very empowering.
'Waiting isn't just about time…'

A reflection from Amie Disley

Waiting can be connected to everyday experiences, but also to long, stressful, and political scenarios in conflict zones like in Palestine. Waiting can involve hope, uncertainty, boredom, or control depending on the context; and people in different cultures experience time differently (Janeja & Bandak, 2018). Periods of waiting can be very boring, but boredom itself has been found to then be a good foundation for creativity through the act of daydreaming (Mann & Cadman, 2014).

The experience of the workshop also helped me to reflect on my own assumptions about waiting, as a British Psychology student. I am used to seeing waiting as something negative and avoidable – literally a waste of time (Hall, 1983). Now I saw that for Palestinian students, waiting is often unavoidable and part of daily life. I saw the importance of adapting psychological approaches to different cultural contexts, and of creativity as a way to cope with uncertainty.

Research by Geert Hofstede (2001) highlights differences between individualistic and collectivist cultures, suggesting that Western societies often emphasise personal control, whereas other cultures may place greater value on patience and adapting to circumstances. However, even this framework can be overly simplistic – we must be careful about forcing complex cultural experiences into fixed categories.

In the context of Palestine, waiting is shaped by power and inequality, where certain groups are required to wait due to limited control over their circumstances (Hage, 2009). I haven't experienced this form of living, and that raises questions about the session we performed. While the creative tasks appeared to be engaging and positive, we must consider whether waiting was unintentionally framed as something that can simply be managed or improved through creativity. At the same time, research has suggested that creativity can provide a sense of meaning and agency (Csikszentmihalyi, 1996), which may explain why the activities were effective and engaging.

Overall, the sessions were a reminder for me that waiting isn't just about time; it is shaped by culture, power, and life experience (Janeja & Bandak, 2018). And our creative responses to those issues are surely of psychological interest.
Fostering healing partnerships

Aspa: I met Dr Fadel Alsawayfa sometime ago through our common interest in poetry, education and creativity, and our collaboration flourished from there. When Dr Fadel Alsawayfa and I agreed to host this placement of First year MMU Psychology students, we didn't quite know what shape the project would take. We had already discussed Dr Ayse Burcin Baskurt's article, so we knew it would be around this topic. We had also discussed Diyala Midhat's article, especially the idea that 'it is important to dream', which was something that came up in the poetry.

Over a few weeks, we discussed and worked with Amie and Ragan, first on the workshop that they ran with the Education students at the University of Bethlehem, and then about the reflections and brief literature reviews. It was such a pleasure to work with the students from both universities, and to read the beautiful poems that all students created in the session. We were so moved by them! Dr Fadel tirelessly translated our every word to the Education students during the session.

Amie saved most of the poems in a document, and I did my best to create collective poems – there's an example below. I can see so much care, compassion, creativity, thoughtfulness in the words. They give me hope for the future and strengthen my belief that education can help us foster healing partnerships across universities, countries, continents.

For me, this first placement and session is just a beginning, and a foundation for many more projects and placements with Palestinian colleagues and students. As Sandiso Bazana noted recently, 'Students should not encounter Palestine only as news. They should encounter it as a serious site of psychological knowledge'. I think poetry, creativity and work placements have so much potential to bring people together in healing partnerships and promote mutual understanding. The world needs more of that.

A collective poem from our sessions:

While I wait

While I wait, I write a line

Turning small thoughts into rhyme

Waiting time can help me see,

New ideas inside of me.



While I wait, I think and dream,

Ideas flow just like a stream.

A little thought, a simple start,

Creativity in my heart.



While I wait, I see the sun,

Shining brightly, having fun.

I close my eyes and spin around,

Feeling happy all around.



While I wait

I dream of walking free

of happily skipping

in my land.



While I wait

I think of loved ones

under siege.



While I wait

I doodle olive trees

with my pen.



Sometimes

The olive trees I drew

Walk out of my sketchpad

And skip happily

To my loved ones

And hug them fondly.



While I wait, I watch the world move around me,

Birds fly without a clear path,

And the trees greet the wind with their quiet beauty.

I sit, my hands on the table,

My heart noticing every passing moment,

Waiting for something I do not fully know,

Perhaps good news, or a meeting that warms me inside.

The street ahead seems long with no end,

But the silence of the road teaches me something important:

Waiting is not emptiness,

It is a moment to discover myself,

And to feel all the small details of life.

While I wait, I listen to the pulse of life,

To the laughter of children, the sounds around me, the touch of sunlight on my face,

And I realize that waiting makes me value the moment,



While I wait l like to forget that I am waiting.

Sometimes I dream of walking in the countryside.

Sometimes I think of my family and friends

I haven't contacted for a long time.

Sometimes I'm trying to solve problems I have been working on

Sometimes I doodle trees and leaves with my pen!

Dreaming, thinking, dooling, makes waiting less of a pain!



While I waited on the street

I reminisced about the sweet things

that happened to me earlier that day.

I remembered seeing people

That care for me,

and the sound of birds

that accompanied our feast.


'We need psychologists who see us Palestinians not only as victims, but also as people who are creative despite hardship and injustice'

Dr Fadel Alsawayfa

The workshop was a great opportunity to exchange experiences and learn about each other. When Aspa first introduced the idea to me, I was impressed and we agreed to have another online meeting to discuss the idea thoroughly. The same week I explained the idea to my Storytelling course students and they were really interested and enthusiastic.

Despite the language barrier and the online nature of the session, Bethlehem Education students shared their experiences and interacted as much as they could. I was translating from English to Arabic and vice versa, but I was telling my story too. The poems that my students created and shared were not only about them – they were also about me. I was not surprised by my students' creativity, though. They interactively and passionately re-narrated their stories of occupied space, restrictions on movement and traumatic events.

For me, poetry is in itself waiting. It is an existential relationship where waiting is always about human situations and positions. As a Palestinian, waiting for me is not just a comma or a pause in a poem; it is an act of resistance and identity. When I wait, I take refuge to poetry, and when I write poems, I become a refugee. A poet who hangs hope on words and a refugee who never gives up hope.

When I write poems I re-live,
I imagine and go beyond what I see,
and what I cannot see.
I write about others,
as if I write about myself,
and I write about myself,
as I write about others.

When I write I fight with words,
and with myself.
I get mad,
I sometimes sit,
and other times stand.
I smile,
breathe in, breathe out,
And go on.

As a Palestinian academic, psychology plays an integral part in my work, research, writing and teaching. It enables me to understand the world as well as myself. I understand that emotions and feelings often cannot be translated, but they can be interpreted and provide resonance. I noticed how poetry enabled my students to express their feelings about traumatic events using figurative language and metaphor. In addition, poetry improved the social emotional and aesthetic skills of the trainee teachers; they showed empathy and the ability to understand human emotions and experiences.

We need psychologists who see us Palestinians not only as victims, but also as people who are creative despite hardship and injustice. We need psychologists who see us as humans with feelings and emotions, not case studies.
References

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1996). Creativity: Flow and the psychology of discovery and invention. HarperCollins.

Hage, G. (2009). Waiting. Emotion, Space and Society, 2(2), 87–97.

Hofstede, G. (2001). Culture's consequences: Comparing values, behaviors, institutions and organizations across nations (2nd ed.). Sage.

Janeja, M. K., & Bandak, A. (2018). The temporalities of waiting: An introduction. In M. K. Janeja & A. Bandak (Eds.), Ethnographies of waiting: Doubt, hope and uncertainty (pp. 1–22). Bloomsbury Academic.

Mann, S., & Cadman, R. (2014). Does Being Bored Make Us More Creative? Creativity Research Journal, 26(2), 165–173.

Rubinstein, D., Lahad, M., Aharonson-Daniel, L., Proyer, R. T., Mizrahi, D., & Harpaz-Rotem, I. (2025). Understanding PTSD and Dissociation in Wartime: Direct and Indirect Trauma Exposure. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 1–19.

Tie, B., Yang, W., Huo, T., Gao, Y., Yang, X., Tian, D., Pelowski, M., & Qiu, J. (2024). Empathy to Creativity: The Associations Between Empathy and Everyday Creativity. Journal of Personality.

van Westrhenen, N., & Fritz, E. (2014). Creative Arts Therapy as treatment for child trauma: An overview. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 41(5), 527–534.

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/while-i-wait-i-think-and-dream(accessed 25.6.26)

The sense in ‘no-nonsense parenting’

Maggie Jackson looks at emerging research around contexts of precarity.

16 June 2026



Order your tearful child to cut the fussing or she's going home like it or not, and you'll probably raise eyebrows in the playground and even in the scientific community. Squelching or punishing a youngster's distress tends to be deemed harsh, a foil to expectations that good parents gently hash out nearly every whim and tear.

When Angel Dunbar, a young developmental scientist and a refugee from Liberia's civil wars, first read in graduate school that such 'directive' parenting – a norm in many families experiencing precarity – was largely seen by social scientists as insensitive and even problematic, she felt demoralised. She was raised by loving, commanding women who set strict boundaries on children's misbehaviour or tears. As a beloved aunt, she doesn't hesitate to do so. Simplistically portraying such parenting as a 'bad thing' felt dehumanising. 'I am looking at my Black mother and my Black aunts, that's not who they are,' says Dunbar, a University of Maryland assistant professor. 'The story was incomplete.'

Now Dunbar and other rising social scientists, many with lived experience of adversity, are looking to flesh out that story. While preliminary, new studies suggest that the directive parenting historically linked to problems in children can be harmless, even helpful, for kids in precarity. Issue stern commands, take the lead at playtime, minimise or even punish a child's distress, and you may be preparing a child for a risky world.

The discoveries don't overturn the foundations of good child-rearing: love, support, and guidance. But revisiting assumptions about 'no-nonsense' parenting offers a chance to question dominant models of good caregiving that often put parents of colour, low resources or from non-Western cultures on the wrong side of the ledger. At stake is not just fairness, but a potential toolkit for anxious parents worried about how to rear kids for a world in flux.


Beyond 'safe' and 'predictable'

For decades, parents in the industrialised West have been counseled to let their kid take the lead in play and conversation, while responding promptly to every gurgle and outcry. 'Responsive' parents, a forerunner to today's 'gentle' parents, still set boundaries and use discipline. But the goal is to prioritise a child's freedom, a standard of such constant attention that new parents often wonder, 'how do I even go to the bathroom?' In contrast, directive parents issue more orders than questions ('Do it now!'); use punishments (shunned in gentle parenting); and at times restrict tears and anger. Most parents use both approaches to some degree but overall, directive caregivers lean more toward 'Parent knows best!' than 'What does Junior feel like now?'. In the scientific circles that shape popular parenting lore, directiveness is still largely considered 'non-supportive.'

No-nonsense parenting's bad rap emerged from decades of studies linking such practices to misbehaviour and other problems in children. The catch is that these issues largely have been found in middle-class, European-American families that have been the main focus of parenting research led by scientists of similar backgrounds. In essence, many norms of good parenting are based on what works in safe, predictable environments.

Now research on diverse families in adversity is casting directiveness in a new light. A study led by Erika Bocknek of American Jewish University, for example, found that low-income Black toddlers of commanding, supportive mothers managed their distress better than kids whose parents were less so. In studies of mostly low-income familiesled by University of Missouri-St. Louis psychology professor Emily Gerstein, dual-language Latinx two-year-olds of parents who more persistently controlled playtime did not develop worse behaviour a year later.

The findings don't defend truly harsh parents who coldly or excessively shame or control their children. Yet a growing number of scientists are realising that, as Bocknek says, 'we've gone too far' in equating directiveness with harshness. 'Sensitivity' may look very different in a precarious world.

Consider what happens when a child runs into the street: almost all parents issue a quick command. For families experiencing systematic adversity, parenting is an endeavour of relentless risk and urgency. Says one low-income mother, 'We live in a world that nobody wants to shelter you from anything.' Directives can deliver vital teachings, like the importance of staying cool in the face of authority or tinderbox situations. 'No-nonsense parenting is for the purposes of protection,' says Velma McBride Murry of Vanderbilt University, a leading scholar of African American family life.

Today, even mildly misbehaving U.S. minority students tend to be seen by teachers as more hostile than White peers, a bias that may fuel preschooler expulsion rates three times those of White children. While Black families generally value emotional expression, Black mothers see their five-year-old's displays of negative emotions such as anger or distress as less acceptable than European-American mothers do. And they are more likely to suppress such feelings by minimising ('Don't be a baby') or punishing them in order to teach kids 'the appropriate limits of their emotional expression,' note Dunbar and colleagues.

In one of her studies of Black families who prepare their children to cope with bias, five-year-olds with moderately suppressive, highly supportive mothers managed their emotions well a year later during the frustrating task of assembling a puzzle without seeing the pieces. Kids of equally supportive but less suppressive momsdidn't cope as well. While Dunbar's work suggests that suppression may put sensitive children at risk for 'internalising' disorders such as anxiety, for many children directiveness coupled with support and age-appropriate discussions can fuel resilience.


Tailoring programs

For Dunbar, who fled Liberia at age four with her family to escape civil war, the research is deeply felt. In a dangerous world, 'you can't encourage a child to cry whenever they want,' she told me. As her family moved between refugee camps to flee advancing rebels, her mother sometimes clamped a hand over her mouth, telling her, 'You need to be quiet', Dunbar recalls. 'That seems highly negative, but in the context of war, it may save a child's life.'

Recognising resilience doesn't erase adversity's high toll. But by questioning norms based on select slices of humanity, we can recognise that some so-called deficits instead are 'adaptations that help families to survive, help them to thrive,' says neuroscientist Dylan Gee of Yale University, who studies how interventions support brain development. We can remedy the harms caused not just by adversity, but by overly narrow standards of what 'good' parents do.

Labeling directive parenting as negative when it is not, for example, 'makes people quicker to judge behavior as problematic in grocery stores or preschools,' says Gerstein. 'It impacts the way we do interventions, the way we teach,' adding to the stigma that marginalised people disproportionately face.

In addition, interventions that are tone deaf to different ways of parenting can undermine participant engagement and morale, studies show. Programs that try to 'fix' directiveness may even disable families' needed survival strategies. Today, the intervention world is still 'playing catch-up' in tailoring programs to participant needs, yet efforts are shifting this way, says Gee. Researcher Stephanie Irby Coard of the University of North Carolina-Greensboro, for example, works with Black parents to turn 'raw' directives, including preparation for bias messages, into effective 'expressions of care and vigilance'.


Resilience amid challenge

Amid rising precarity, recognising the potential of directive care also offers a timely check on extremes of gentle parenting rippling across social media. Gentle parents' goal of avoiding excessive discipline is natural. Yet expectations thatparents constantly dispense velvety choices not orders, and validate a child's feelings, can, critics say, cultivate a focus on the self that undermines children's adaptability.

All children have the right to grow up free from poverty and oppression. No child should have to be taught to adapt for survival's sake to the demands of bias and want. But all young people need to learn resilience amid challenge. In essence, judiciously directive parents may be teaching increasingly relevant lessons: that urgency isn't always on your clock, that the world doesn't cater to your every whimper. Staying agile in precarious times may be its own kind of terra firma.

Maggie Jackson is an award-winning New York-based science writer and the author most recently of Uncertain: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure.

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/sense-no-nonsense-parenting(accessed 19.6.26)