Γιατί το παιδί μου λέει ψέματα; Οι πιο συχνοί λόγοι και πώς να το διαχειριστείς

Έχεις γνωρίσει παιδί που να μην έχει πει ποτέ κανένα ψέμα;

ΓΡΑΦΕΙ: The Mamagers Team - 28 ΜΑΙΟΥ, 2025




Έχεις γνωρίσει παιδί που να μην έχει πει ποτέ κανένα ψέμα; Κάποια είναι πολύ χαριτωμένα (μια πριγκίπισσα μου χτένισε τα μαλλιά σήμερα), κάποια είναι ανούσια (δεν ξέρω που είναι το μολύβι μου) και κάποια είναι πιο ανησυχητικά (έπεσα από τις σκάλες στο σχολείο/η δασκάλα μου είπε ότι είμαι ο καλύτερος μαθητής). Γιατί τα παιδιά λένε ψέματα, πώς πρέπει να αντιδράμε και πότε πρέπει να το δούμε πιο σοβαρά; Σύμφωνα με τους παιδοψυχολόγους, τα παιδιά καταλαβαίνουν τη διαφορά ανάμεσα στο ψέμα και στην αλήθεια μετά την ηλικία των 4-5 ετών. Τα μικρότερα παιδιά μπερδεύουν τα φανταστικό και το αληθινό. Μπορεί να έχουν σκεφτεί κάτι ή να το έχουν δει κάπου και να το αναφέρουν ως προσωπικό τους βίωμα και ως αληθινό γεγονός. Σταδιακά μετά την ηλικία των 4 ετών διαχωρίζουν καλύτερα την πραγματικότητα από τη σκέψη και τη φαντασία.
Γιατί τα παιδιά λένε ψέματα;


Για να καταλάβουμε οι γονείς πώς πρέπει να αντιδράσουμε σε ένα ψέμα, οφείλουμε να δούμε τις αιτίες για τις οποίες μπορεί ένα παιδί να πει ψέματα.


Μόλις έμαθαν... τι είναι ψέμα: Το παιδί ανακάλυψε το ψέμα και πρέπει να το δοκιμάσει. Πώς θα αντιδράσει η μαμά μου; Θα με πιστέψει;
Θέλει την προσοχή: Ένα παιδί που είναι αγχωμένο ή περνάει κάτι και δεν μπορεί να το εκφράσει συναισθηματικά μπορεί να πει ένα ψέμα για να τραβήξει την προσοχή, για να έχει περισσότερη φροντίδα (π.χ. μαμά πονάει ο λαιμός μου) ή λένε ένα ψέμα για να κρύψουν τι περνάνε.
Απλά δεν το σκέφτονται: Η παρορμητικότητα στα παιδιά είναι διάχυτη για αυτό δεν αποκλείεται να πουν ένα ψέμα χωρίς καν να το σκεφτούν. Με λίγα λόγια, μιλάνε πριν σκεφτούν! Σε αυτές τις περιπτώσεις, αρκεί να ρωτήσεις το ίδιο πράγμα και να του δώσεις την ευκαιρία να πει την αλήθεια!
Θέλει να ξεχωρίσει: Τα παιδιά με χαμηλή αυτοεκτίμηση λένε ψέματα για να φανούν, να ξεχωρίσουν και να εντυπωσιάσουν τους άλλους.
Λένε αθώα ψέματα: Μια δεξιότητα που μαθαίνουν από τους γονείς, συνήθως, κάποια παιδιά θα πουν ένα ψέμα που δεν βλάπτει (δεν μπορούσα να έρθω στο πάρτι σου) συνήθως για να προστατεύσουν κάποιον (κι εγώ φοβήθηκα χθες όταν φώναξε η δασκάλα).




Τι μπορούν να κάνουν οι γονείς για να σταματήσουν τα παιδιά να λένε ψέματα




Δείχνουμε στα παιδιά ότι εκτιμάμε την ειλικρίνεια. Κάθε φορά που λένε την αλήθεια πρέπει να τα επαινούμε για τη (δύσκολη, πολλές φορές) απόφασή τους να πουν την αλήθεια.
Επαναλαμβάνουμε την ερώτηση: Δίνουμε μια δεύτερη ευκαιρία στο παιδί να πει την αλήθεια (βούρτσισες τα δόντια σου;). Εάν πει την αλήθεια το επαινούμε, διαφορετικά θα πρέπει να κατανοήσει ότι υπάρχουν συνέπειες.
Έχουμε ενσυναίσθηση: Εάν το παιδί δεν μπορεί να εκφράσει τα συναισθήματά του και καταφεύγει σε ένα ψέμα (δεν πήρα το παιχνίδι του) πρέπει να σκεφτούμε γιατί το έκανε (ήθελε να παίξει και ζήλευε το παιχνίδι του αδελφού του). Τότε εστιάζουμε στην αιτία, μαθαίνουμε στο παιδί πώς να ζητάει ευγενικά και να μοιράζεται.
Οι τιμωρίες δεν λειτουργούν: Οι τιμωρίες δεν διορθώνουν τον λόγο που οδήγησε το παιδί στο να πει ψέματα, αντίθετα το πεισμώνουν και το κάνουν να νιώθει ότι "κανείς δεν καταλαβαίνει".
Ενισχύουμε τη συνήθεια της αλήθειας. Εστιάζουμε στη θετική συμπεριφορά και επιβραβεύουμε την αλήθεια με λέξεις, με συναίσθημα και με ένα φιλί ή μια αγκαλιά.
Σε ένα σοβαρό ψέμα, καταφεύγουμε στις... συνέπειες! Αντί για τιμωρίες αφήνουμε τη δυνατότητα στο παιδί να ανακαλύψει ότι για τα ψέματα, υπάρχουν συνέπειες. Αν κάθε μέρα πετάει το φαγητό του στο σχολείο και δεν το τρώει, τότε δεν του δίνουμε λεφτά για το κυλικείο. Αν ένα μεγαλύτερο παιδί δεν διαβάζει συστηματικά, τότε θα πρέπει να το ελέγχετε εσείς καθημερινά μέχρι να κερδίσει ξανά την εμπιστοσύνη σας.




ΠΗΓΗ:

https://www.themamagers.gr/family/110713/giati-to-paidi-moy-leei-psemata-oi-pio-sychnoi-logoi-kai-pos-na-to-diacheiristeis(accessed 30.5.25)

The Trevor Project. Coming out. A handbook for LGBTQ young people.

Available online 

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Coming-Out-Handbook.pdf

Binary presentation of climate data makes people take notice

Gradual shifts in climate data can make the climate crisis feel less urgent — but presenting it differently can avoid this trap, according to new research.

16 May 2025

By Emily Reynolds


How best to communicate the impact of climate change is a constant debate for policymakers, climate scientists, and activists. With changes in the climate often feeling incremental, rather than sudden, there can be a sort of 'boiling frog' effect — ultimately leading people to feel a sense of distance from the issue at hand, and an overall lack of feelings of urgency.

In a new paper in Nature Human Behaviour, Grace Liu and colleagues at UCLA and Princeton argue that instead of emphasising gradual warming to unlivable levels, presenting data that is undeniably stark in how large of a change has taken place could be one way of breaking through this apathy. They find that presenting continuous data, such as incremental changes in temperature, is far less effective than showing it in a binary form, such as whether a lake did or did not freeze in winter. These results could offer an actionable new strategy for those trying to spur action on the climate crisis.

To understand how different ways of presenting data affect how people respond to climate change, the team showed participants data presented in one of two ways over the course of several studies. The first showed temperature changes over time (continuous data) while the other simply showed whether or not a lake froze each year (binary data).

In the first experiment, 766 participants were shown climate data from a fictional town in America over the course of 80 years. Some participants saw it presented in continuous form as a smooth temperature line, while others viewed it in binary freeze/no-freeze bars. They then indicated on a scale from 1 to 10 how much they thought climate change had affected the town, how much temperatures had changed, and how much lake freezing had changed over time.

The perceived impact of climate change was significantly higher among participants in the binary condition — around 12% higher than those who saw continuous data. This group also perceived a stronger trend in increasing temperatures, and increased frequency of lake freezing. Overall, this suggests that binary data is more impactful as a way of communicating climate change than continuous data.

Next, the team conducted an experiment with real-world lake freeze data from five lakes at high risk of ice loss. In this study, 235 adults read about each lake before being shown either continuous or binary data on its temperature and answering the same questions as those in the first study. Again, those who saw binary data saw climate change as having a more severe impact, as well as believing there was a greater change in temperature in the lake.

Finally, 392 participants were introduced to another fictional winter town and assigned to either the continuous or binary condition. In the continuous condition, they saw one of three graphs showing the town's average winter temperature. In the binary condition, they saw graphs showing whether the lake froze over or not. They then indicated whether they noticed a big change in the pattern and when they thought it happened.

Participants in the binary condition were more likely to notice a change in the pattern, while those who saw continuous data were less likely to see a changepoint at all, or were more unsure about a change. Participants who viewed the binary data also showed greater consensus on the location of the changepoints by year.

The team compares public response to climate change to the proverbial boiling frog, "failing to notice the creeping danger until it is too late." Implementing smart strategies that disrupt this, like favouring binary data presentation, could therefore have a big impact by creating a perception of sudden changes that shock people into action.

"It's not just warmer winters; it's also a loss of ice hockey and white Christmases. It's not just hotter summers; it's the disappearance of a swimming hole due to drought or soccer practice (being) cancelled because it's dangerously hot," said lead author Grace Liu in a press release. "Our study drives home the importance of discussing climate change not just in gradual temperature terms, but in concrete, either-or terms, showing how life has changed."

Read the paper in full:
Liu, G., Snell, J. C., Griffiths, T. L., & Dubey, R. (2025). Binary climate data visuals amplify perceived impact of climate change. Nature Human Behaviour. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-025-02183-9

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/binary-presentation-climate-data-makes-people-take-notice(accessed 21.05.25)

Holding the pain, healing together

Zeynep Yasar, a Chartered Psychologist working in Istanbul, on working as a woman with women survivors of trauma.

14 May 2025


A patient was referred to me through an NGO supporting survivors of sexual abuse. She was a young woman whose body had been treated inhumanely. In our early sessions, she sat with her back straight, hands clenched, eyes avoiding mine. Each gesture was calibrated for safety. Her silence wasn't empty – it was filled with things too weighty to say out loud.

I haven't lived this woman's experience. But I've spent years working with women whose trauma is stored in their bodies, whose trust must be earned breath by breath. As a woman and a clinical psychologist, I have come to understand how trauma shapes presence, how survival can look like detachment, stillness, even compliance.

My role wasn't to interpret or push her story into words. It was to stay, to not look away, and to trust that something begins to shift when safety is consistently offered, not demanded. In that quiet space, healing starts. Not because I know her pain, but because I respect its weight.

Over the past decade, I have had the privilege and challenge of working as a clinical psychologist with many women like this: survivors of trauma, including sexual abuse, domestic violence, and human trafficking. I often find myself at the intersection of vulnerability and strength. I've learned to navigate these complex, painful landscapes with empathy and clinical precision. But there's a delicate balance that must be struck. As a woman myself, the weight of the stories I hear, the echoes of pain, and the impact of these experiences are never fully separate from who I am.

Psychotherapy is a space where we, as professionals, are trained to contain and hold the emotional weight of others. But no matter how skilled we are, we are also human. As a woman, the resonance of trauma in my patients can sometimes stir something deeply personal within me. This isn't simply an emotional reaction – it's often a form of transference, a psychological process where unconscious feelings and projections from both the patient and the therapist can influence the therapeutic relationship.

My sessions with that patient, like many others, reminded me that counter transference is not a detour from the work – it is the work. As a woman, I've often been socialised to carry others' pain quietly, to be endlessly available, and to suppress my own emotional reactions. But in therapy, I've learned to transform those reactions into tools.
Echoes of pain and empowerment

When I feel overwhelmed, protective, or even exhausted, I don't see those responses as failures. They're signals. They help me understand what's happening beneath the surface, not just for the patient, but also in the relational space we share. The emotional weight I carry doesn't disqualify me, it grounds me. And in many cases, it allows me to tune in to what's unspeakable, to hold what hasn't yet been named. In other words, every encounter in the therapeutic space is actually instructive and developmental for us professionals, not only professionally but also as women.

In working with women who have suffered trauma, I have witnessed how deeply these experiences reshape not only their identities but also their ability to trust others and themselves. I've worked with women who have been controlled, silenced, abused or threatened into submission by their abusers. Each woman's journey is uniquely painful, but the patterns are often similar. One woman might come in, her voice barely audible, afraid of speaking out of fear of judgment or retribution. Another may sit with me, numb to her own feelings, unable to connect with the devastation she carries inside.

Through psychotherapeutical lenses, it's clear that the trauma these women carry doesn't just reside in the cognitive mind. It is embedded in their bodies, in their ways of relating to others, psychosomatic responses and in the unconscious defenses they deploy to manage the pain. I often see signs of dissociation, an attempt to protect the self from the unbearable, shutting down parts of their emotional experience to maintain any semblance of control. The internal struggle between self-preservation and the longing to be seen and understood is something that takes time to unpack.

But what strikes me most is the strength beneath the surface. These women are not just victims, they are also survivors. Slowly, sometimes over years, they begin to reclaim their sense of self, even as they hold onto the parts of their history that are painful and complex. This is the power of the therapeutic process, it gives them the space to transform their trauma into a story that is theirs to tell, not just a story of victimhood but one of empowerment.
The emotional weight

"To be effective, what matters is not the technique,

it is you, your person,

who uses the technique."

J. David Nasio

As a woman therapist, there are moments when the stories I hear resonate deeply, cutting beyond the professional lens. While it's one thing to listen with care and expertise, it's another when the pain feels personal, especially when the injustices these women endure are so close to my own lived experience as a woman. Hearing accounts of abuse, control, and manipulation, often perpetrated by men in positions of power, can be overwhelming.

The emotional tension in these moments is about navigating the weight of their pain and my own anger without letting it overshadow the therapeutic space. In these moments, anger, sadness, and frustration aren't just valid; they're essential. They offer insights into the power dynamics in the room and reflect the broader gendered oppression that underlies the client's trauma.

As a woman, this countertransference is inevitable. But it's not just a challenge, it's valuable. My emotional responses connect me to the patient's experiences, providing depth to the therapeutic relationship. They help me understand and empathise in a way that's rooted in shared gendered experiences. Countertransference becomes a tool to understand the patient's emotional world more deeply and to enhance the work we do together. This approach ensures that while the emotional weight is real, the emotions themselves become part of the process of healing, not a distraction from it.
Supervision and self-care

However, this power must be carefully managed. The nature of working with trauma is that, as therapists, we are not neutral observers. We are active participants in the therapeutic process.The subtle impact that hearing a survivor's pain has on me, the compassion, the anger, or even the helplessness, can colour how I relate to the patient. Without supervision and reflection, countertransference could cloud my ability to offer the best care. This is why supervision is vital at any time of our professional journey.

Supervision allows me to step back from these emotional responses and examine them from a safe distance. Even as an experienced clinician, I find myself at times overwhelmed or caught off guard by the intensity of the work. Supervision provides a crucial space to reflect on my reactions, process difficult emotions, and regain clarity about my professional boundaries. It is essential for me to make sense of what I feel so I do not inadvertently bring my own unresolved issues into the room with my clients.

I've also learned the important lesson of self-care. We cannot pour from an empty cup. As women therapists, it is easy to fall into the trap of prioritising our clients' needs over our own, but the metaphor of the airplane emergency procedure is fitting: you must put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others. If we do not take care of our own mental and emotional health, we risk becoming ineffective or, worse, burned out.

Psychologically speaking, the act of self-care is not just about rest, it's about maintaining the integrity of the therapeutic frame. By attending to our own needs, we ensure that we can be fully present for our clients. It is not selfish to seek support, whether through supervision, peer discussions, or personal therapy. Instead, it is an essential part of being a professional who can offer true healing.

I remind myself and a young psychologist I work with regularly that self-compassion is a cornerstone of our work. Taking time to reflect, to rest, and to reconnect with our own personal lives ensures that we can continue to meet our patients with the clarity and empathy they deserve. The therapist's emotional health is intimately connected to the success of the therapeutic relationship. We cannot be emotional recycling bins for others' pain if we are not actively tending to our own well-being.
An ongoing journey

The work I do with women survivors of trauma is never easy, but it is always profound. There are days when the pain in the room feels like it will consume me, but I have learned to lean into my training, my supervision, and my own reflective practices to maintain my balance. I know that my clients need me to be strong, present, and clear, not just as a professional but as a person.

As women psychologists, we contain, hold and often share that emotional weight of the women we see. I have learned that can guide a therapeutic journey that is not just theirs; it is ours too, a shared process of growth, healing, and mutual respect. But we must acknowledge the emotional and psychological impact this work can have on us, and remember that by caring for ourselves, we can offer our patients the best of us – without losing ourselves in the process.

Zeynep Yasar is a Clinical Psychologist and Author

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/holding-pain-healing-together(accessed 15.5.25)

Πώς μπορώ να προστατεύσω τον γιο μου από την κουλτούρα της τραπ, τον ρατσισμό και τον μισογυνισμό;

by Αγγελική Λάλου
5 Μαΐου 2025




Θέλω να ευχαριστήσω τον εν λόγω τράπερ, που έγινε αφορμή για άλλη μια ουσιαστική συζήτηση με τον έφηβό μου


Δεν έχουν περάσει πολλές ώρες από τη στιγμή που καθόμουν στο σαλόνι μου παρακολουθώντας το χάος να ξετυλίγεται στα μέσα κοινωνικής δικτύωσης με ένα τραγούδι του Έλληνα τράπερ. Οι στίχοι ήταν προσβλητικοί, γεμάτοι μίσος και απροκάλυπτα απαξιωτικοί για τις γυναίκες – λέξεις που πλήττουν βαθιά, όχι μόνο τις γυναίκες αλλά και όποιον πιστεύει στον σεβασμό και την ανθρωπιά. Ως μητέρα ενός έφηβου γιου, ένιωθα έναν επίμονο τρόμο. Δεν πρόκειται απλώς για ένα τραγούδι. Πρόκειται για τον κόσμο στον οποίο μεγαλώνει – έναν κόσμο όπου τοξικά μηνύματα γλιστρούν μέσα από τις ρωγμές, διαμορφώνοντας συμπεριφορές και σιγά σιγά, ύπουλα, διδάσκοντας τα αγόρια μας να αποδέχονται το μίσος ως φυσιολογικό.



Θέλω να ευχαριστήσω τον εν λόγω τράπερ (δεν θα μπω καν στη διαδικασία να αναφέρω το όνομά του ή τους προσβλητικούς προς τα άτομα ΑμΕΑ ή γενικά τις γυναίκες), με έναν περίεργο τρόπο, που πυροδότησε αυτή τη συνεχιζόμενη συζήτηση. Που ανάγκασε γονείς σαν εμένα να αναρωτηθούν: πώς μπορώ να προστατεύσω τον γιο μου; Πώς μπορώ να τον προστατεύσω από την παγίδα του μισογυνισμού, του ρατσισμού και των επιβλαβών στερεοτύπων που εξελίσσονται συνεχώς στην κουλτούρα γύρω μας; Γιατί αν δεν αρχίσουμε να μιλάμε ανοιχτά γι’ αυτό, αν δεν το καταπολεμήσουμε ενεργά στην καθημερινή ζωή, τι είδους μέλλον παραδίδουμε;

Αυτό που μου κάνει εντύπωση είναι το πώς η κοινωνία θέλει να παρουσιάσει αυτά τα τραγούδια ως μεμονωμένες πράξεις – μια συνωμοσία για τη διαφθορά της νεολαίας. Αλλά η αλήθεια είναι ότι ο μισογυνισμός, ο ρατσισμός και το μίσος δεν περιορίζονται στα κομμάτια κάποιου τράπερ ή στις σελίδες στίχων γεμάτων προσβολές. Είναι συνυφασμένα με την καθημερινότητά μας. Τα ακούμε σε αστεία με τα οποία γελάμε, στη γλώσσα που δεχόμαστε ως «φυσιολογική», στην περιστασιακή ασέβεια προς τις γυναίκες ή στις περιφρονητικές συμπεριφορές για τα άτομα με αναπηρία. Είναι εύκολο να καταδικάσεις ένα τραγούδι και να απαιτήσεις απαγορεύσεις, αλλά η πραγματική πρόκληση έγκειται σε αυτό που αφήνουμε να περάσει κάθε μέρα. Τα αστεία με τα οποία γελάμε, η περιφρόνηση που σιωπηλά υποστηρίζουμε, τα στερεότυπα που περνούν ως «απλά αστεία», είναι μέρος της μεγαλύτερης παγίδας.

Ανησυχώ επειδή ο γιος μου είναι ευάλωτος. Όχι μόνο σε στίχους που υποκινούν βία ή μίσος, αλλά σε μια ευρύτερη κουλτούρα που ομαλοποιεί την ασέβεια. Πώς να του εξηγήσω ότι ο σεβασμός των γυναικών δεν είναι απλώς μια καλή ιδέα αλλά μια αναγκαιότητα; Πώς μπορώ να τον εμποδίσω να πέσει στην ίδια νοοτροπία που βλέπουμε να ενισχύεται σε αυτούς τους στίχους – όπου οι γυναίκες είναι αντικείμενα, όπου η βία, η εκμετάλλευση και η μη συναίνεση φαίνεται να είναι απλώς μέρος της «πραγματικής» ζωής που κάποιοι δοξάζουν (και μάλιστα αφήνουν να εννοηθεί ότι πρόκειται για μια πλούσια και δελαστική ζωή);


Έχω δει σχόλια από ανθρώπους που υποστηρίζουν ότι η τέχνη πρέπει να έχει ελευθερία, ότι δεν πρέπει να λογοκρίνεται. Αλλά ρωτάω, τι γίνεται με την ελευθερία των ευάλωτων; Το κορίτσι με αναπηρία που αποκαλείται «καθυστερημένη» και στη συνέχεια υποβαθμίζεται περαιτέρω; Ο λόγος μίσους που κρύβεται πίσω από τη μάσκα της «τέχνης» – δεν είναι ελευθερία. Είναι μια επέκταση της καθημερινής σκληρότητας. Αν προστατεύσουμε αυτό το είδος λόγου, δίνουμε μόνο δύναμη στην τοξικότητα.

Είναι σαφές ότι χρειαζόμαστε περισσότερα από απαγορεύσεις ή θυμωμένες διαδικτυακές αναρτήσεις. Αυτό που χρειαζόμαστε είναι ενεργή, συνειδητή προσπάθεια για την ανατροφή των αγοριών μας με σεβασμό, ενσυναίσθηση και επίγνωση. Πρέπει να τους διδάξουμε νωρίς ότι αυτό που καταναλώνουν –μουσική, μέσα κοινωνικής δικτύωσης, συζητήσεις– διαμορφώνει την κοσμοθεωρία τους. Και βέβαια οι οικογένειές μας, εμείς οι ίδιοι ως γονείς, πρέπει να είμαστε ισχυρά και υγιή πρότυπα. Αν μεγαλώσουν ακούγοντας μισογυνισμό και ρατσισμό χωρίς αμφιβολία, χωρίς να βλέπουν το κακό, πώς μπορούμε να περιμένουμε από μια διαφορετική γενιά να αντιδράσει;


Καθώς κάθομαι εδώ τώρα, συνειδητοποιώ ότι δεν μπορώ να ελέγξω τις πράξεις όλων ή την κουλτούρα γενικότερα. Αλλά μπορώ να ελέγξω τον τρόπο που μεγαλώνω τον γιο μου. Θέλω να καλλιεργήσω μέσα του ένα κριτικό μυαλό, το θάρρος να καταγγέλλει την αδικία και τη συμπόνια να βλέπει πέρα ​​από τα στερεότυπα. Θέλω να δημιουργήσω ένα περιβάλλον όπου οι ερωτήσεις είναι ευπρόσδεκτες, όπου ο σεβασμός είναι αδιαπραγμάτευτος και όπου το μίσος δεν έχει θέση.


Η ελπίδα μου είναι ότι, μιλώντας ανοιχτά για αυτά τα ζητήματα, μπορούμε να προστατεύσουμε τα παιδιά μας από το να πέσουν στις παγίδες του μίσους και του μισογυνισμού. Πρέπει να κάνουμε αυτές τις συζητήσεις φυσιολογικές, συνεχείς και ειλικρινείς. Γιατί αν το κάνουμε, ίσως, απλώς ίσως, μπορούμε να βοηθήσουμε στην οικοδόμηση ενός μέλλοντος όπου η αγάπη, ο σεβασμός και η κατανόηση υπερισχύουν του μίσους.

Αυτό δεν είναι εύκολο αλλά είναι απαραίτητο. Και πιστεύω ότι, στο τέλος, είναι δυνατό. Για τον γιο μου, για τα παιδιά σας, για όλους μας. Απλώς πρέπει να ξεκινήσουμε αντιμετωπίζοντας την αλήθεια και να δώσουμε θετικό παράδειγμα.

ΠΗΓΗ:

https://childit.gr/%cf%80%cf%8e%cf%82-%ce%bc%cf%80%ce%bf%cf%81%cf%8e-%ce%bd%ce%b1-%cf%80%cf%81%ce%bf%cf%83%cf%84%ce%b1%cf%84%ce%b5%cf%8d%cf%83%cf%89-%cf%84%ce%bf%ce%bd-%ce%b3%ce%b9%ce%bf-%ce%bc%ce%bf%cf%85-%ce%b1%cf%80/(accessed 9.5.25)

‘The creativity is to choose words that touch the heart and mind’

Diyala Midhat, a community and educational psychologist based in Jerusalem, on what creativity means to her. As told to Aspa Paltoglou (Manchester Metropolitan University).

16 April 2025



I work in many different settings. In terms of community psychology, my professional experience was in refugee camps in West Bank and Jerusalem, and Palestinian NGOs organisations. In my practice, I work part-time and freelance. I run sessions with various groups, including teenagers and mothers, and sometimes groups of men. I see myself as a leader for social change.

My aim is to help groups reach their own goals. I organise sessions for different community groups, I implement psychoanalytic groups, educational groups, advocacy groups, and other initiatives. For example, I run 'from Personal Growth to Actionable Initiatives' for young people starting at university. These initiatives relate to the social problems that they are facing in their community and how they can lead the advocacy for change in this social problem that they are facing.

With mothers, most of my work is sharing practices for parenting, how to be a better parent, especially when you have passed through traumas and crises in Palestine. So I merge psychology and trauma informed practices to help people in my sessions.

I studied at Birziet University, gaining a BA in Psychology, High Diploma in educational psychology, and a Master's in community psychology. For the last five years I have been doing upper studies to specialise in educational psychology. In that line of work, I'm with schools mainly. We use a different perspective there. I work with schools to help schools implement systematic changes so that they offer better services to children. I also provide individual therapy for children who need therapy.

I am also involved in making Psycho Didactic tests. This is a kind of evaluation that we as educational psychologists make for children, where we evaluate their IQ, and try to explore any learning difficulties they might have. We examine difficulties in Arabic, mathematics, then we correlate it to the IQ. Based on our evaluation, we give recommendations to the schools about how they can help children with their education. If they have, for example, memory issues, then we can identify the issue, and give recommendations on how they can overcome it. Depending on what the results are, we give recommendations. Sometimes our recommendations might be to move the child to a class with fewer children. For example, we usually have between 30 and 40 pupils in a class. In the classes that provide extra support for learning difficulties, we have 8 to 12 students. If the child has very complex learning difficulties and we find that they cannot achieve or learn in a big group, we recommend taking them to a smaller group. After they finish the therapy in the smaller class, they can go back to the big class.

For me, creativity within the context of my work as a community and educational psychologist means a variety of things…
Language is a critical tool

One is that I can take all the theoretical background that I have, and be able to make it applicable for the situation that I'm working in. Language is a critical tool, and it is important to use appropriate language for the group of people I work with. The creativity is to choose words that touch the heart and mind of the person I have in front of me and help them to develop and make a change. So, my creativity is how can I merge my knowledge and my experience in my practice to address what the person in front of me needs, in a way that they can really feel it first. If they can feel it, then they can think differently about it, and then they can make a change.

As a practitioner psychologist, I feel I need to use language in a way that is near to the people. It is still a professional language, but it is direct and to the point. Sometimes I feel I need to have the courage to address and name the issues in a way that people can accept. It's not easy to tell a mother 'you know, your child has ADHD, that means such and such'… it's not an easy thing to do. But that's what we have to do in the field. If people understand it, they will go with you and will believe in the plan, and they will be part of the team.
Own the process

The second part is the ownership. I want the people I am trying to help to feel they own the process. If we are working together on a plan for a child, they are not just my patients. They are partners, and they are leading this change. If I am running a group awareness or advocacy group for mothers, I always address this with them: 'You are my partners. I'm learning from you, and you are learning from me. And what we are sharing will help the next generation.'

So, we relate it to ourselves, to our family, and then to our community. Then they feel 'wow, we are great people, if we do the change for ourselves, our children will get married and will affect their families and then our community will be better and…' Just dreaming in a therapeutic way is really motivating them to make the change. People need to dream. If they are dreaming, they will have a lot of energy to change for the dream. It is important that we can dream with them, and help them to fulfil those dreams.
We need to have fun

Thirdly, we need the process to be fun. We need to have fun. We live in a community that is facing many difficulties. If you come to Palestine, and you walk in the streets, you will sometimes wish to find someone who smiles. So when I run a group session, I dance myself, I sing with them. They will be shy at the beginning. But when they feel I am like them, I am a mother, I am wearing hijab like them, and I'm enjoying moving my body, dancing, singing, with a high voice, then I lower my voice and move in a way that is funny, and they start laughing and they start wishing to do the same like me.

In each meeting, we stand in a circle and do breathing and moving exercises, so we can release and free the body from all the tension that is coming from outside.

Other times, mostly with children, I would start in asking them to draw everything that they are coming with from the outside, and to get to the inside energy, freely, so that they are able to dream and free their minds from all the stressors that they are coming with, and to get a different experience. They need to feel the different vibe. Otherwise they won't continue with the group work. Sometimes I work with a group for 20 sessions. I need to make people trust me that it is worth doing 20 sessions, three hours each, and spending all this time on this. They need to feel that this day they dedicate to the session, it will have a positive effect on them. It will charge them with positive emotions, positive thoughts, and it will give them emotions and thoughts that they can use in their everyday life.

We are not talking about magic, and magical things, or things that they need to put a lot of effort to change. It's just the way of thinking about the trauma, or the crisis that they are living in, that might help them to get out of the circle that they are stuck in. And this is the creativity, to be able to see where people are standing, what the vibe is, how we can we change the vibe, so we can charge the energy in the room, and then you can feel, the circle is different. They will do the activities, they will do the breathing, they will give us the dancing, or they will choose the song that they will be preparing like. We will alternate – one time I will prepare, next time you will prepare the songs. So, they will also be leaders, in a way or another.
Visual arts

I also use visual arts in my practice. I use art therapy. One of my group activities that I used to do is asking people to take pictures from the community. It's called 'photovoice'. We ask them to take any photo that is stuck in their mind, and they will bring it and show it to the group, and then each child or each mother will talk about the picture and what it means to them.

Other times we use newspapers and we will ask parents or children to search this newspaper, and take the photos that match their personality and tell us a story about themselves, as if they were advertising themselves. From these photos, how would you explain things about yourself? They enjoy cutting the pictures, and you will see creativity in linking the pictures to their story. You will be surprised by the way they relate to these pictures. It is a really amazing activity.

Other times I'll bring watercolours, and I will ask them to draw holding the whole litre of water colour, and I will give them a very big roll of white paper, and ask them to draw together with the watercolour. Initially, they will just enjoy drawing. But then we might talk about limits and what limits mean for them. The lines they draw will be over each other's lines. We'll talk about their emotions – what does it means for them when somebody puts a line over their line, or they touch the area that they were drawing in? Then we will discuss how they feel about crossing the limits, how we should feel in the group if a person is sensitive to issues we discuss. What limits do they want in this group so that we will take care of each other? This creative activity allows people to open up. Arts make it easier for people to express themselves.
The plan is, there is no plan

I don't work by the book. I use these steps according to the need of the group. Sometimes we have standards for groups, or I go to an organisation and they will say 'give us a plan for each session, what you will do?' The first answer is 'I have no plan'. I don't plan for others. We build the plan together, me and the group. I need to do an assessment, I need to give them awareness about what we are going to do, they need to accept what I am proposing, or if they want to do this kind of process for therapy. And if they accept it, if they understand and if they are willing to do it, we can make a plan.

When I go to the young people we are working with and I tell them we will work together on the plan, they feel that something different is happening. No-one is dictating to them in a top-down way what they should learn, think or do. The community comes from the ground, and the experience they have in this group will likely affect how they communicate in other groups in life – husband, children, friends, family.

In Jerusalem, in Palestine mainly, NGOs come and think that people here don't know how to work in a group. I used to work with an organisation that wanted to work on coping skills for young people. They created several sessions, and made very specific recommendations for those activities. But sometimes the group doesn't need what they offer. The NGO insisted that we should do what we had planned, because that's what the donor suggested. I started realising that we should revolt against all these manuals and set plans, and we should instead focus on what the group needs. We should ask what they want, or don't want. People in these groups should be treated with respect: for their experience, their knowledge, their crises, their challenges.

We are an occupied community. And the occupation has put us under a lot of rules. They are taking our breath by making us follow the rules and putting lots of challenges over us. I don't think it helps if we do our psychological work in a similar way. When I started to do freelancing work, I told the organisations, the NGOs: if you want me as a freelancer psychologist, you need to give me some freedom and allow me to follow my rules. I've got the ideas, the knowledge, I am the expert. But all my expertise means nothing, if it is not fulfilling the needs of the groups.

In community psychology, one of the main things we learn is that we should contextualise the knowledge that we are bringing to the community. For example, if I go to Africa, I can't do psychoanalysis in Africa in the same way that I'm doing in Palestine. It's different. The language that I should use with African people is different than the language that I should use with Palestinian people. Words are very strong tools for change, but only when we understand the community and the culture, and then create the therapy accordingly. Otherwise, people will refuse us. And what we are doing there, we will not achieve.

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/creativity-choose-words-touch-heart-and-mind(accessed 6.05.25)