How much of our life is lived on autopilot?

A new paper suggests the number of automatic behaviours we engage in daily may be higher than previously estimated.

06 November 2025

By Emma Young


Models of social cognition generally portray people as being rational decision-makers, who will often weigh up options before deciding how to act, note the authors of a recent paper in Psychology and Health. However, write Amanda Rebar at the University of South Carolina, Columbia, and colleagues a lot of our everyday behaviours are repetitive. And this could leave them open to being governed by habits, rather than intention.

For their study, the team set out to explore just what proportion of our daily actions are the result of conscious choice, and which are habits — impulse-governed actions triggered by being in a particular setting, because we have learned to associate that setting with that action.

A total of 105 participants from the UK and Australia took part in the study. Every day for a week, the researchers sent six separate prompts to participants' phones. Each time, they were asked to describe what they were doing, how deliberate the decision to do it had been, and how automatic it felt to perform that action. The participants also indicated how much the action aligned with an existing plan or goal.

So, for example, if someone had reported being in the act of grabbing a bar of chocolate from a cupboard, they might have said that the decision to grab it had taken place without thinking, that the action itself felt automatic, and that it had been contrary to a plan or goal (assuming that cutting out snacks was one of their goals).

When the team analysed the responses, they first looked at the types of activities that the participants had been engaged in. They found that a fifth involved employment, education, or volunteering. A slightly smaller fraction were in the realm of domestic or childcare activities. About 10% of the time, the participants said they were eating or drinking, while 'relaxing' accounted for a similar percentage. Other activities included transportation (including commuting to or from work), exercise (5.9% of the responses), and hobbies and leisure (5.4%).

When the researchers then looked at the participants' replies to the follow-up questions, they found that two thirds of these behaviours had been initiated by habit, 88% were done in an automatic way, and three quarters had been aligned with the participant's intentions or goals. The team's analysis also revealed that one sixth of the behaviours ticked both the 'habit' boxes, being both initiated and executed out habit, but were not goal-aligned.

Overall, the finding that two-thirds of these everyday behaviours were initiated out of habit is perhaps the most notable, the team thinks, as it's significantly higher than the figure of 35–43% for this reported in some earlier work.

As for the observation that almost 9 out of 10 everyday behaviours happened on autopilot, on one hand, this might seem to be a dispiriting finding, especially as the team's analysis also showed that actions triggered by habit were roughly equally likely to feature in the participants' leisure time as during work.

However, the researchers see an upside to this. "Our results indicate that almost all behaviours can be supported by habit, which in turn suggests interventions can realistically seek to promote habit formation for any action, to maintain change over time," they write.

In other words, the fact that we do indeed seem to be creatures of habit should mean it's possible for us to form a suite of good ones, and, as a result, achieve our goals. "We recommend that techniques conducive to forming new habits and disrupting old habits be built into behaviour change interventions to maximise effectiveness," the team concludes.

Read the paper in full:
Rebar, A. L., Vincent, G., Cornu, L., & Gardner, B. (2025). How habitual is everyday life? An ecological momentary assessment study. Psychology and Health, 1–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/08870446.2025.2561149

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/how-much-our-life-lived-autopilot(accessed 12.11.25)

The foundation for courage, healing, and transformative justice

Dr Sarah Lewis, Director of Penal Reform Solutions and Grow Transform Belong CIC, on growing psychological safety.

29 October 2025

Our justice system is shaped by the cultural habits that are socially constructed within it. These everyday messages guide people to operate in a certain way – contributing to harm and disengagement, or to safety, purpose and trust.

Recent reports in England and Wales have highlighted a 13 per cent increase in assaults between people in prison and a 24 per cent rise in assaults against staff (HMPPS, 2024a). We're seeing more self-inflicted deaths and self-harm, particularly in the female population, where self-harm increased by 37 per cent (HMPPS, 2023). The leaving rate for a 'shop floor' officer is 12.5 per cent (HMPPS, 2024b). Culturally, such harms communicate a sense of unease and lack of safety for those living, visiting, and working in prisons.

As staff focus on self-preservation and leaders become consumed with fire-fighting, trust erodes, making it difficult to create a positive working environment. In extreme cases, moral blindness can take hold. Bauman and Donkskis (2015) define this as a loss of sensitivity to human suffering, allowing inhumane conditions to persist unchecked.

So, the need for psychological safety is critical. It may be the very mechanism that allows us to move forward and step out of toxic cultures, into a trusting culture, where all can flourish. It is the starting place for honesty, reconciliation and healing, and, if achieved on a large scale, could allow us the space to redefine the future of correctional work as we know it. Psychological safety is the antidote to the current problem.

Over 20 years of working, researching and learning the art of correctional work, I have come to appreciate the importance of psychological safety in several ways: forming a team, repairing ruptures, delivering and designing interventions, building professional relationships, coaching leaders and delivering training, to name a few.

Here, I pull together theory, reflections and practice to illuminate the power of psychological safety, which can create cultures of courage, healing and transformative justice. All of these require discomfort, thrusting people into uncomfortable psychological spaces that are unknown. But it is in these spaces where innovation, change and flourishing can emerge.

This article explores the role of psychological safety as a catalyst for cultural change, drawing upon real-world examples to demonstrate its impact. It will outline the relevant elements of psychological safety, breaking down the conditions required to create environments where individuals feel valued, heard, and empowered to contribute.

This is followed by a practical guide to building psychological safety in correctional settings, highlighting strategies such as inclusive leadership, open communication, and co-production. Finally, the article situates psychological safety within the broader movement for penal reform, positioning it as a fundamental pillar of Justice 2.0, a global campaign that strives to upgrade the justice system into a humane, inclusive, and growth-oriented system that we can be proud of (see Lewis, in press, for details).
Psychological safety

Psychological safety, as defined by Edmondson (1999), is the belief that one will not face humiliation or punishment for speaking up, making mistakes, or expressing new ideas. McCauley (2022) expands on Edmondson's work, suggesting that psychological safety is not merely about comfort; it is about the ability to take interpersonal risks, to engage in open dialogue, and to trust that the system will not retaliate.

For this to be possible, prison culture needs to communicate to individuals that they are, in fact, psychologically safe, providing consistent sensory, cognitive and physical signals. Without this, the conditions by which psychological safety can flourish are stunted and the chances of meaningful change diminished. As I've written before (with Emma Hands, 2022, p.2), creating rehabilitative cultures provides significant benefits to both staff and people in prison.

Cultural interventions can transform prison identities, from criminogenic environments to safe, relational-focused spaces, reimagining organisational and individual identity. There is an increased need to design growth-centred environments to ignite transformative change and ultimately reduce recidivism.

But psychological safety is incredibly difficult to achieve when an organisational culture is toxic. People hide, put up a mask, and conceal their true vulnerabilities and struggles. If mistakes are made, people are more likely to stay quiet. If people are discriminated against or bullied, they might even struggle in silence, leaving their work rather than voicing their feelings and experiences. This means we no longer truly know each other, the true intentions of each other, or the environment more broadly. This only exacerbates shame, disconnection and harm.

To address this, Clark (2020) highlights four stages to psychological safety, which can help create a roadmap to arriving in a psychological space. Firstly, inclusion safety focuses on ensuring all individuals are valued and respected. Secondly, learner safety focuses on providing a safe environment for people to learn new things without fear of judgment. Contributor safety then encourages dialogue, sharing ideas and promoting active, fun and energising conversations. Finally, challenger safety provides a space to question systems and advocate for reform.

The aim of these processes is to create enough relational connection to put down the mask, step out of the current culture and engage in meaningful conversations, which leads to transformative change. To look at that in greater depth, we need to consider my dynamic model of professional relationships (see Figure 1).
The dynamic model of professional relationships

Feeling safe and understood is important within correctional work. The dynamic model of professional relationships (Lewis, 2016) explores the psychological proximity between people who operate in the justice space and characterises different relational spaces, where practitioners and service users navigate.

It illustrates that professional relationships exist along a continuum, which is based on the degree to which two people connect to each other. If we can achieve a positive sense of relatedness, sharing our goals, those tasks needed to achieve our goals and the needs of one another, we can enter the Green Zone, where change becomes a reality for both practitioners and service users.

This Zone is where psychological safety can flourish under conducive conditions of trust, respect and empathy. If we can consistently achieve this across the majority of relationships within the organisation, new cultures can emerge, as people within the system can achieve the psychological safety they need to learn, grow and ultimately flourish. This can happen in small spaces (e.g. therapy sessions), communal spaces (e.g. libraries or faith rooms), subcultures (e.g. across a cohort of staff or people in prison) or culturally, across the whole prison community.
Fig. 1: The dynamic model of professional relationships



The Green Zone is a space where trust, respect, and professional engagement flourish, fostering an environment conducive to rehabilitation. The practitioner presents as open, compassionate, curious and is available in this space. It symbolically demonstrates to the service user that it is safe to engage with the practitioner and to step into the Green Zone, too. In light of past experiences with authority, trauma and adversities, the step into the green zone is an act of courage in its own right. Because, invariably, people in prison have been let down, and they carry this with them until proven otherwise.

The Red Zone is where relationships either become too distant (disengagement, hostility) or too close (manipulation, favouritism, ethical compromise), leading to breakdowns in trust and increased risk of harm. Either the service user or practitioner steps into this space when they feel psychologically unsafe, wary or mistrustful. The physical environment can also convey messages that alter the motivation someone may have to enter into the Green Zone. If a place is dirty, broken or inhumane, this symbolically tells an individual they are not deserving of safety.

In the Green Zone, people (staff, leaders and service users) feel supported, staff maintain professional authority while being approachable, and interactions are guided by mutual understanding and shared goals. This state is essential for creating an environment where individuals can engage in rehabilitative efforts without fear of judgment or punitive consequences (Lewis, 2022)​.

In the Green Zone, people in prison and on probation are more likely to disclose challenges such as mental health struggles, conflict, or personal goals, because they feel heard and supported. Therefore, the knowledge is authentic and clear, and practitioners and service users see each other as humans and worthy of kindness.

Staff can communicate with integrity and challenge poor practice without fear of backlash, reducing corruption risks and enhancing professional standards (Lewis & Hands, 2022)​. And leaders can set the tone, ensuring that open communication is valued and embedded in daily practice (Clark, 2020).

Without clear boundaries, relationships in correctional settings can become dysfunctional, either through excessive detachment (leading to punitive cultures) or over-familiarity (leading to ethical compromise). Reflective practice is therefore essential, allowing staff to examine their own biases, responses, and relational patterns to ensure they remain within the Green Zone (Lewis, 2016)​.

Professional boundaries must be actively maintained, with staff trained in ethical decision-making, emotional awareness and management, pro-social modelling and trauma-informed practice, to navigate complex relational dynamics, without disengaging or over-identifying with people in prison (Mann & Fitzalan-Howard, 2018). Psychological safety, therefore, brings accountability, ensuring that people in prison and staff understand the expectations of their roles and interactions.
The Growth Project

Correctional systems that prioritise psychological safety see measurable improvements in behaviour, engagement, and rehabilitation outcomes. By shifting correctional cultures towards psychological safety, prisons move away from punitive, fear-driven models and towards environments where growth, trust, and transformation can thrive.

To achieve honest, authentic knowledge to support the reconciliation process, practitioners and leaders need to feel safe enough to step into the Green Zone, to achieve connection and the collective impact that is needed for systemic change. The Growth Project provides a practical example of how these stages can be achieved, presenting tips for practitioners to apply to their work.

Three Growth Projects have taken place so far in England, in a training prison, a local remand prison and a women's prison. It is a cultural change programme, which relies on psychological safety. It focuses on co-defining cultural problems, co-creating the solutions and co-owning these solutions, to drive positive change.

This project has demonstrated that psychological safety is integral to fostering rehabilitative cultures (Lewis & Hands, 2022)​, suggesting that environments that prioritise relational connections and trust see reductions in violence, self-harm, and conflict, while simultaneously improving engagement and wellbeing​. The Principles of Growth, which were created following extensive research in three 'exceptional' Norwegian prisons, are used consistently in all activities designed and implemented as part of the project.

They focus on a holistic approach to human development, removing stigma and criminogenic language, which can create greater division that does not serve us or the end goal of rehabilitation. These principles are not for service users alone, but for everyone, promoting the notion of co-evolution, equality and growth.
Fig 2: Principles of Growth

Staff are encouraged to challenge norms and question entrenched practices: to reflect, to feel, and, in essence, wake up from the blindness that has transpired. This is achieved through relationship-focused work, individual coaching, and campaigns, which consistently convey the message that trust is there, that people can make sense of their own worlds in a trauma-informed and shame-sensitive way, and that unconditional love is available.

'Love' is used intentionally here – the unconditional positive regard, introduced by Carl Rogers. It is closely aligned to agape love, which is a compassionate, unwavering commitment to human dignity and transformation, even in the face of adversity. Unlike romantic (eros) or familial (storge) love, agape is not based on personal benefit or emotional attachment. Instead, it is a love rooted in deep care, compassion, and a commitment to the well-being of others, regardless of circumstances.

The Growth Project, then, promises a lot, and must start small to follow through on that. Small groups are created, with a universal shared goal or vision. Tasks and needs are assessed, co-defined and created, locking in the key elements of a correctional relationship, but on an organisational level. Then groups converge, join up, collaborate and unite, through events and activities (e.g. like wellbeing days, days of celebration or campaigns). The pace needs to be set correctly, and changes and stages to the process need to take place when an organisation is ready, rather than being pushed. Culture work needs to be done with people, not to people.
Does it work?

These projects have not been without their challenges. The first project had its funding cut six months early as new leadership took over the prison, causing us to leave the prison unfinished and unable to embed the cultural gains that had emerged. Outcomes took up to two years to emerge. But in terms of averages across the three sites, cultural investment has contributed to:70 per cent reduction in violence between residents, and 80 per cent reduction in assaults on staff;
60 per cent reduction in use of force.
Fewer staff sick days: from the first project, there were 1,643 fewer sick days (2016-2019, Lewis & Hands, 2022) in operational staff; sickness data was hard to use in the other sites due to COVID-19.
Improved staff retention, through enhanced workplace morale, with recent data showing a prison moving up 40 places on the staff retention league table, after 18 months of engaging with the Growth Project.
Residents are more actively engaged in rehabilitative and educational programmes; for example, one Governing Governor stated: 'The Growth Project's ability to engage staff and prisoners and their families, provide a voice for all, and empower and generate real autonomy for the whole community, has been critical to the progression of the prison.'
A more hopeful and optimistic prison community as a whole; for example, one member of staff stated: 'It has given an insight into how positivity can spread and people can feel valued in their everyday role, which in turn has an overwhelming impact on the ethos of the prison environment and all those who live and work within it.'

This was echoed by those in prison, with one resident stating: 'SL and her Growth Project helped me to see hope and positivity within the system – SL helped me to realise through effective and consistent action we can change even the most desolate and lonely places in the world. Through the Growth Project, there's hope for a decaying UK prison system.A three-point increase in HMIP inspection scores, which assess how healthy a prison is.
Growth leaders

Across all Growth Project sites, leaders reported as more cohesive, hopeful and confident. The Growth Team (staff and people in prison) co-produced strategies for cultural change, embedding an ethos of reflective learning and resilience (Lewis, 2022)​. Leaders are provided with coaching to shift their thinking towards seeing errors as an opportunity for growth. They are given a regular psychological space that is independent of the system they work in.

This Growth work aims to create growth-centred leaders who prioritise vulnerability, curiosity, and deep listening (Lewis, 2024)​. When leaders openly share challenges and invite collaboration, the broader culture shifts towards trust and collective problem-solving. The feedback from growth leadership supervision highlighted learning on a personal level as well as a professional level.

For example, one leader said, 'As senior leaders, we are always conscious of supporting and developing our staff, but I found the growth sessions enabled me to think and reflect on my own well-being, my own practices and my own challenges.' Another said, 'It is rare that we get to discuss what we are finding difficult to manage or challenge or change – this gave me the opportunity in an open and safe space to consider these.'

This work not only operated as a grassroots cultural project but also addressed growth at the top, focusing on providing a range of people with the resources to offer solutions, co-create plans, and co-own the results. One prison leader reflected on the journey, stating, 'The project's ability to engage staff and prisoners and their families, provide a voice for all, and empower and generate real autonomy for the whole community, has been critical to the progression of the prison.'
What does this mean for your place of work?

Based on my experience with the Growth Project, here are some key takeaways to support practitioners irrespective of their role: my 'Five steps to psychological safety'.Be intentional

This focuses on demonstrating actively and consistently your commitment to psychological safety. State the space is safe and free from judgment (and make sure it is).
State your belief and alliance to those who are taking part in the activity (and speak honestly about any limitations of this).
Outline the bigger vision of the work and the impact it might have if people chose to open up
Design 'play' into interactions, encouraging laughter, stories, active exercises and opportunities for freedom to relax the atmosphere.
Encourage challenges, fears, and concerns to be voiced and state this as an opportunity to learn.Be curious

This communicates your willingness to learn and see others in their entirety. Use formal and informal spaces to be curious, attending to the here and now. This might be in group meetings, but also informally, whilst making a cup of coffee/tea.
Show genuine interest and care, through actions and words (e.g. make coffees/teas, provide homemade cakes, etc). The act of service communicates your motivation to connect.
Use appropriate self-disclosure and storytelling to encourage curiosity in others and normalise vulnerability, stating this as a measure of courage, rather than a weakness.Be open and humble

This communicates the intention of the practitioner. They are not self-serving, but service-serving and want to benefit something that is bigger than themselves. Focus attention on the value of others' knowledge, rather than your own
Encourage diverse perspectives
Make sense with people, rather than assuming the position of expertBe boundaried



Clarity is kind, and being self-aware is vital, so that practitioners can show up.

Define expectations at the start to encourage clarity and safety
Address behaviours that undermine psychological safety in a kind, but firm way
Operate in the Green Zone to achieve honest conversations that magnify the potential of change

Be growth-oriented



Gratitude and seeing strengths in those around you can expand imaginations and light up new possibilities in how someone is seen and viewed.

Recognise small successes and celebrate to reinforce a positive culture
Model a growth mindset, not taking feedback personally and creating opportunities for feedback, so responses can be explored
Reflect regularly in fun, informal and formal ways
Use motivational interviewing to reflect, affirm and provide feedback that inspires


Justice 2.0: Extending Courage

The Growth Project uses these steps and strategies to construct a positive climate. This can be infectious and can challenge the punitive foundations of correctional institutions, advocating instead for cultures that prioritise trust, belonging, and relational connection (Lewis & Hands, 2022)​. Staff have been seen to step up, challenge and push reform like never before. Here lies a key benefit of psychological safety: courage.

Justice 2.0 is a global campaign that aligns with the Growth philosophy by positioning psychological safety as a foundation for systemic change. Justice 2.0 promotes courage, providing champions of change with the resources, training and information they need to talk, share and act in ways that are compassionate and trusting.

Justice 2.0 prioritises liberation, connection and co-creation (see Lewis, 2025). It calls for an upgrade to Justice, acknowledging the moral injury a toxic culture has achieved. Justice 2.0 centres on democratising knowledge, involving the public, people impacted by the system and those living in it, to reimagine Justice, embracing diversity and difference. Justice 2.0 also focuses on mobilising communities to celebrate the good, to create a counter-narrative that will push against the current punitive tide within mainstream news.

Finally, Justice 2.0 is a campaign that is co-defined, co-created and co-owned, similar to other movements such as #MeToo and #BlackLivesMatter. It provides spaces to discuss critical issues and arrive at meaningful solutions, which are communicated openly and respectfully.

This campaign was ignited following the lessons from the Growth Projects, which highlighted the reality that prison reform might not only be situated in prison, but also in the community. This campaign is therefore educational, sharing stories and highlighting the issues with the current populist view, which focuses on punishing harder and longer, without fully appreciating the collateral damage of this approach.

In practical terms, people who want to reform culture are provided with the resources they might need to; spark new conversations, talk to their communities, fundraise or participate in the consistent online debates. These are not just discussions on the upgrades we need but deal with the entrenched issues that plague our cultural system (e.g. toxic masculinity, discrimination, and othering).

One method for this is a 'hackathon' – an intensive, time-bound event where individuals or teams collaborate to solve problems, innovate, and create solutions, typically in technology, business, or social impact fields. Originally rooted in software development, hackathons have expanded to include social justice, policy-making, education, and organisational change.

People can give as much as they can to this movement, celebrating each other's achievements through the hashtag #justice2point0, or calling out harmful practices through the hashtag #justice1point0. It is hoped that action will become normalised within this movement, as people join and understand the vision; to ignite a global movement of compassion, courage and transformation. To achieve this, psychological safety is the essence of this campaign.
Conclusion

Psychological safety is a prerequisite for cultural change. Within correctional settings, where harm and fear have historically dominated, creating an environment of trust and relational integrity is not just an ideal but a necessity. By embedding psychological safety within leadership, practice, and organisational ethos, we can cultivate cultures of courage, healing, and transformative justice. The Growth Project has demonstrated that such change is not only possible but essential in reimagining correctional spaces as environments of hope, dignity, and humanity​.

Justice 2.0 represents a fundamental shift in how correctional environments operate, moving beyond punitive frameworks towards growth-oriented, rehabilitative cultures. By embedding psychological safety into the foundation of prison culture, Justice 2.0 offers a pathway to breaking cycles of harm and fostering environments where both staff and prisoners can thrive. Rather than relying on control-based strategies that instil fear and disengagement, this approach encourages trust, connection, co-production, open dialogue, and meaningful rehabilitation.



Justice 2.0 is not just about reforming prisons; it is about redefining justice itself, in a way that is humane, inclusive, and fundamentally designed to enable healing and growth rather than perpetuate harm. By embracing this vision, we move closer to a system where psychological safety is the norm, ensuring that individuals leave prison better equipped to reintegrate into society, reducing reoffending, and ultimately, creating safer communities for all.


References



Bauman, Z. & Donkskis, L. (2015). Moral blindness: The loss of sensitivity in liquid modernity. Polity Press.

Byeon, Y.V., Lau, A.S., Lind, T., Hamilton, A. B., & Brookman-Frazee, L. (2022). Organizational factors associated with community therapists' self-efficacy in EBP delivery. Implementation Research and Practice, 3, 1–13.

Clark, T.R. (2020). The 4 stages of psychological safety: Defining the path to inclusion and innovation. Berrett-Koehler Publishers.

Edmondson, A.C. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383.

HMPPS (2024a). Safety in custody statistics.



HMPPS (2024b). Workforce Quarterly.



HMPPS (2023). Safety in Custody Statistics- Deaths in Custody



Inniss-Thompson, M.N., Leath, S. & Harris, J.N. (2024). Seeing Black girls in their glory: Cultivating spaces that facilitate Black girls' psychological safety. Journal of Black Psychology, 50(3), 259–292. =5}.

Lewis, S. (2016). Therapeutic correctional relationships: Theory, research and practice. Routledge.

Lewis, S. & Hands, E. (2022). Growth: An emerging new philosophy to transform correctional culture, Advancing Corrections Journal, 14(7)

Lewis, S. (2025). Justice 2.0: The Strategy. Grow Transform Belong CIC. Publication can be accessed at www.growtransformbelong.com.

Mann, R.E. & Fitzalan-Howard, F. (2018). The role of dynamic risk factors in risk assessment and treatment planning. Advances in Psychology Research, 132, 87–106.

McCauley, C.D. (2022). The evolution of psychological safety in leadership development. Leadership & Organization Development Journal, 43(1), 45–60.

Oppen, M. (2024). Exploring innovation in the public sector: Study of direct and indirect effects of psychological safety, learning behaviour, transformational leadership and learning attitudes on innovation climate. Innovation Journal, 29(3), 2–17​.

Sumanth, J.J., Hannah, S.T., Herbst, KC. & Thompson, R.L. (2024). Generating the moral agency to report peers' counterproductive work behavior in normal and extreme contexts: The generative roles of ethical leadership, moral potency, and psychological safety. Journal of Business Ethics, 195(3), 653–680.

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/foundation-courage-healing-and-transformative-justice(accessed 5.11.25)

Listening to SHAME

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame

Gender-based violence in migration

Gender-based violence (GBV) and different crisis situations are inextricably linked. The information shared on this page draws on EIGE’s research findings and gender statistics to highlight how crisis situations exacerbate the risks of GBV.

Recent years of increased migration demonstrated the need to address gender-based violence (GBV) in migration settings. The risks of GBV increase during times of crises and subsequent migration due to a variety of reasons, such as the breakdown of rule of law, changes in gender norms or scarcity of resources.

During migration, girls and women are vulnerable to sexual exploitation and violence, risks stemming from the disruption of social support networks or the language barriers. Women’s and girls’ vulnerabilities are heightened due to their insecure legal and asylum status, which impacts their access to justice and ability to report GBV.
Addressing gender-based violence in migration
How to strengthen national actions plans on Women, Peace and Security across the EU


EIGE’s recent project explores the opportunities for strengthening the protection of women and girls who are migrants, asylum seekers or refugees from GBV. One of possible instruments to increase the protection and empowerment of women and girls in migration and asylum settings are national action plans (NAPs) on Women, Peace and Security (WPS).Includes recommendations and best practices for EU institutions and Member States on how to develop coordinated, gender-responsive NAPs with the goal of eradicating GBV.
Underscores the crucial role of civil-society organisations, need for robust data collection, sufficient financial and human resources for creation and implementation of NAPs, and monitoring and evaluation of progress and challenges when it comes to implementation.
Analyses the potential of NAPs on Women, Peace and Security (WPS) as instruments to prevent gender-based violence and empower and protect women and girls in migration settings.



Women, Peace and Security


Women, Peace and Security agenda is an umbrella term encompassing a series of UN Security Council resolutions, which reshaped the role and narrative around women in conflict and security, highlighting their active role as peacebuilders and change makers, not passive victims.

The strengthening of the WPS agenda within national action plans focuses on:Addressing GBV in migration contexts
Improving support mechanisms for migrant and displaced women
Promoting inclusive and gender-responsive migration and security policies
Aligning international normative commitments with realities on the ground
Challenges

The major challenge identified in connection with NAPs was Member State’ focus on external conflict settings and lack of concrete actions to be implemented internally. The policy brief includes recommendations and best practices from NAPs of 7 analysed Member States that address these challenges.

These recommendations and best practices centre on: Engaging with civil-society organisations during the design, implementation, evaluation and monitoring phases of NAPs
Effective coordination of NAPs between different ministries and entities, strengthened role of gender equality bodies
Robust monitoring and evaluation practices, using gender-responsive indicators and sex-disaggregated data
Sufficient and sustainable financial and resource allocation

SOURCE:

https://eige.europa.eu/gender-based-violence-migration(accessed 30.10.25)

Gender-based violence in armed conflicts

Armed conflicts expose all civilians to the risk of experiencing conflict-related sexual violence. Women, men, girls and boys – all can become victims of conflict-related sexual violence (CRSV). They all need safety and protection.

Women and girls are primarily targeted by conflict-related sexual violence for multiple intersecting reasons. These include pre-exisiting gender inequality and power imbalances, in addition to the conditions driven by armed conflict.

Moreover, CRSV is exacerbated by war strategies such as using rape as a tactical weapon of war.

Women and girls face an additional layer of negative outcomes concerning their reproductive health, namely forced pregnancy, pregnancy complications, induced abortions, gynaecological problems, and miscarriages.

They are in urgent need of sexual and reproductive health services that treat their rights, needs and wishes as an absolute priority.

Organisations such as WHO regularly issue publications, which define guiding principles for the provision of victim-centered care and list the essential elements and optimal timelines for the clinical management of rape.
Women fleeing war in Ukraine
The provision of sexual and reproductive healthcare services in the EU under the Temporary Protection Directive

Since the onset of Russia’s war of aggression against Ukraine on the 22nd of February 2022, human rights violations and violence have become the new harrowing reality of Ukraine, with growing evidence of mass atrocities and crimes of sexual violence and torture committed against civilians in the territories occupied by Russia’s armed forces.

Millions of people fled Ukraine and sought refuge and protection across Europe, these are mostly women and children since martial law prevents men from leaving the country.

EIGEs report ”Women fleeing the war: Access to sexual and reproductive healthcare in the EU” assesses the availability of specialised services for victims of conflict-related sexual violence available in the European Union.

Specifically, the report focuses on women and girls fleeing Ukraine and who have been protected under the Temporary Protection Directive (TPD), which was activated on the 4th of March 2022, shortly after the Russian invasion on Ukraine.



The report aims to identify gaps in the provision of six sexual and reproductive health (SRH) services which are essential elements of the clinical management of (conflict-related) sexual violence. These six services reviewed include:emergency contraception
sexually transmitted infection (STl) prevention and treatment
obstetric and gynaecological care
short- and long-term psychological counselling
and safe abortion and post-abortion care

The conclusions are drawn from an EU-wide questionnaire completed by 26 experts representing EU Member States and 12 follow-up interviews with representatives of relevant NGOs and public bodies, conducted in four of the Member States: Czechia, Germany, Poland and Slovakia.
Key recommendations

Below you will find key recommendations for EU institutions and Member States to improve the provision of specialised SRH services for victims of CRSV. These recommendations are based on gaps and challenges identified in “Women fleeing war in Ukraine: The provision of sexual and reproductive healthcare services in the EU under the Temporary Protection Directive” report.

Key recommendations for EU institutionsImplement the Istanbul Convention to ensure coherence across EU Member States in preventing and combating violence against women, and support Member States in ensuring specialised services for victims of all acts of violence covered by the convention.

Adopt the proposed directive on combating violence against women and domestic violence to enshrine minimum standards in EU law and Member States for ensuring, among other things, protection and support for victims and coordination between relevant services.
Adopt the revision of the Victims’ Rights Directive and ensure that victims of (conflict-related) sexual violence have easy access to targeted and integrated specialist support services, and a possibility to rely on free of charge psychological support for as long as necessary.
Clarify the scope of necessary healthcare for victims of (conflict-related) sexual violence in the Temporary Protection Directive, to guide Member States in ensuring service provision so that victims can exercise their sexual and reproductive rights in each Member State on an equal basis.
Provide guidelines on the correct implementation of EU rules on temporary protection and victims’ rights, and support Member States in developing or improving existing needs assessments and referral mechanisms for victims of (conflict-related) sexual violence.
Disseminate existing international guidelines on how healthcare providers should respond to sexual violence, for example, through the development of an online training course reinforcing the need for ethical standards, and trauma-informed and gender-sensitive responses

Key recommendations for Member StatesEnsure that women and girls under temporary protection are fully eligible to access specialised sexual and reproductive health (SRH) services.

Establish mechanisms addressing the vulnerability of unaccompanied minors to ensure that their age or lack of parental consent do not limit their access to SRH services.
Ensure that the provision of SRH services is affordable, provided in a timely manner and geographically accessible. Interpreters and female healthcare professionals should be available to assist women and girls, if requested.
Introduce national guidelines outlining the responsibilities of the police, healthcare and social care sectors in responding to victims of (conflict-related) sexual violence and improve referral mechanisms and needs assessments among these sectors.
Establish accessible rape crisis centres that provide specialised and immediate support to ensure the holistic, victim-centred, and gender and culturally sensitive provision of SRH services.

Explore the different dimensions of sexual and reproductive health services:

https://eige.europa.eu/gender-based-violence-armed-conflicts

SOURCE:

https://eige.europa.eu/gender-based-violence-armed-conflicts(accessed 30.10.25)

Painful periods and loneliness often go hand in hand

A recent study finds that physical functioning links menstrual pain and loneliness, offering an opportunity anticipate the impact of periods on social lives.

23 October 2025

By Emily Reynolds

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Menstrual pain affects many of those who have periods. And, while we're all familiar with the image of someone lying in bed clutching a hot water bottle to try ease their menstrual pain, how painful periods shape social wellbeing in the long term has received comparatively little attention. This is particularly the case when it comes to loneliness, which we already know is strongly associated with other pain conditions.

Writing in the British Journal of Health Psychology, a team led by Julia McCurry of Deakin University looks at this issue, exploring the links between menstrual pain, physical functioning, and loneliness. Their findings suggest that it is not the presence of pain alone, but rather the way in which pain impairs daily functioning, that contributes to loneliness. They believe that physical functionality may therefore serve as an important early warning sign, helping clinicians identify those at greater risk of becoming socially isolated, and intervene before loneliness becomes more entrenched.

The study formed part of a larger longitudinal project looking at menstrual health among Australian women aged 18 to 50 years old. Baseline data was collected from 289 women in May 2019, with follow-up surveys in 2020 and 2021.

Measures included self-reports of menstrual pain severity, responses to loneliness items such as "I lack companionship" and "I feel left out," and assessments of physical functioning. The latter captured perceptions of health and ability to carry out daily activities, including ratings of statements such as "to what extent does pain prevent you from doing what you need to do?" and "how well are you able to get around?"

Participants' fluctuating pain levels across the course of the study gave the team a window to observe the ways in which pain and physical functioning influenced each other. Higher menstrual pain at one stage predicted lower general physical functioning later, and lower physical functioning also predicted higher pain: the relationship was reciprocal.

Yet pain alone did not predict loneliness. Instead, overall physical functioning was the key mediating factor: women who were better able to manage day-to-day activities at the end of the study also reported lower levels of loneliness. This suggests that it's not the experience of pain itself that drives feelings of loneliness, but the way it disrupts daily activities and mobility. In short, physical impairment appears to be the main pathway through which menstrual pain contributes to loneliness, making low levels of physical functioning a valuable early warning sign for future social difficulties.

This distinction has important clinical implications. Efforts to preserve or improve physical functioning during menstruation could help reduce loneliness, even in cases where pain can't be fully eliminated. Addressing the impact of pain on daily life, rather than focusing solely on symptom intensity, may represent a more fruitful avenue for interventions designed to protect wellbeing.

The authors note several limitations. Recruitment through peer support groups may have meant that those who participated don't necessarily have the same experiences or insights as those who are more isolated, for example. Additionally, loneliness was measured only at the final time point, preventing analyses of its interaction with pain and functioning over time. Future research could also explore exactly what kind of social connections or strategies those with more severe pain need to mitigate feelings of loneliness.

Overall, the findings highlight the ability to maintain daily activities as a central link between menstrual pain and loneliness, underscoring the need for clinicians to attend not only to pain severity, but also to its impacts on everyday life and social functioning. Supporting individuals to stay active — through strategies from medical treatment to practical guidance for managing daily activities — may help reduce the social burden of menstrual pain and address its significant impact on quality of life.

Read the paper in full:
McCurry, J., Skvarc, D., Evans, S., Mikocka‐Walus, A., Druitt, M. L., Payne, L., & Marshall, E. M. (2025). In pain and lonely? A longitudinal study examining the associations between menstrual pain, physical functioning and loneliness. British Journal of Health Psychology, 30(3). https://doi.org/10.1111/bjhp.12805

ΠΗΓΗ:

https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/painful-periods-and-loneliness-often-go-hand-hand(accessed 27.10.25)

Overconfidence can thrive even with detailed, continuous feedback

A new study looks at overconfidence in chess players, and suggests that efforts to reduce it in everyday life via feedback can still fall flat.

06 October 2025

By Emma Young


Overconfidence has been dubbed "the most significant of the cognitive biases", with research suggesting that it contributes to poor decisions in fields as diverse as medicine, financial investing, political leadership, and management, note the authors of a recent paper in Psychological Science.

Various ideas about what causes this bias have been proposed. One theory is that if we don't receive good objective feedback, it's hard to make accurate judgements about ourselves. If your partner tells you that you're really smart — or a wonderful cook, for example, whether that's true or not, you might well believe them. Patrick R. Heck and colleagues therefore set out to investigate whether a lack of quality feedback really could be to blame.

The researchers picked a group of people who get very regular, accurate and precise feedback on their performance in one particular domain: tournament chess. If these people are overconfident about their chess-playing abilities, the cause can't be a lack of quality feedback, the team reasoned.

With help from the US Chess Federation, a chess magazine, and a chess-training app, Heck and colleagues recruited a total of 3,388 tournament players aged 5 to 88, from 22 different countries. These players had an average of almost 19 years of tournament experience, and included people with a range of abilities, up to a grandmaster who at the time was ranked as the 20th best player in the world.

All of these players had official ratings, known as Elo ratings, which are known to accurately predict the outcomes of games. These ratings are displayed next to each player's name at tournaments, updated after every tournament and regularly discussed between players, meaning that most tournament players are well aware of the rating system and how it works, the team writes.

The participants completed a questionnaire, which, among other things, asked them to indicate their current, official tournament chess rating, and then to supply the rating that they believed would accurately reflect their true current chess ability. The participants also made predictions about the outcome of a set of hypothetical 10-game matches between themselves and other players of varying hypothetical ratings.

When the team checked official records, and analysed the participants' responses, they found that on average, these players knew their own ratings, but felt that their true ability was substantially higher. They also believed that in the hypothetical matches, they would do better than would be expected based on their current rating. To put this difference in perspective, the researchers explain that the average degree of overconfidence among these players would have shifted expectations for a match that actual ratings data would predict to be a tie "to a resounding victory".

Not all the players were equally over-confident, however. About 29% believed their current rating was accurate, and 14% believed it was too high. When the researchers dug further into the data, they found that highest-rated players tended to be the most realistic. This finding is consistent with the well-documented Dunning-Kruger effect.

Perhaps these apparently overconfident players may have actually been capable of playing better than their initial official ratings suggested; to check this, the team looked at their ratings six and twelve months after they completed the survey — and found no evidence this was the case. At both time points, only around 8% of the players who had felt that their initial actual rating was too low had reached or exceeded the rating that they felt would have accurately represented their true ability.

The results of this work do show that (in this sphere at least) accurate, plentiful feedback did not eliminate overconfidence, suggesting that players' self-perceptions are biased towards optimism, the team writes. This observation might support an alternative theory for the cause of the optimism bias beyond the realms of chess — that it a fundamental, deep-seated human bias. If so, efforts to tackle overconfidence in critical areas such as medical decision-making or financial investing by improving feedback would seem unlikely to be effective. Further investigations involving different populations would be needed to confirm this idea, however.

Read the paper in full:
Heck, P. R., Benjamin, D. J., Simons, D. J., & Chabris, C. F. (2025). Overconfidence Persists Despite Years of Accurate, Precise, Public, and Continuous Feedback: Two Studies of Tournament Chess Players. Psychological Science. https://doi.org/10.1177/09567976251360747

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/overconfidence-can-thrive-even-detailed-continuous-feedback(accessed 24.10.25)

Γονείς: Δεν είναι φυσιολογικό να μεγαλώνουμε τα παιδιά μας απομονωμένοι

Πώς οι γονείς μεγαλώνουμε πλέον τα παιδιά μας χωρίς βοήθεια;

ΓΡΑΦΕΙ: Ιωάννα Χουλιαρά - 16 ΟΚΤΩΒΡΙΟΥ, 2025





Ως σύγχρονοι γονείς με πάρα πολλές υποχρεώσεις- είτε εργαζόμαστε είτε όχι- συχνά ονειρευόμαστε ότι κάθε φορά που δεν προλαβαίνουμε να μαγειρέψουμε, κάθε φορά που θέλουμε να "πεταχτούμε" στο μίνι μάρκετ ή να πάμε τα παιδιά στις δραστηριότητες, παίρνουμε τηλέφωνο μια γειτόνισσα και της ζητάμε βοήθεια. Εκείνη εννοείται δέχεται με χαρά.

Κάποτε οι οικογένειες βασίζονταν στη βοήθεια της κοινότητάς τους- σε μια ομάδα ανθρώπων που τους βοηθούσε στο μεγάλωμα των παιδιών. Η γιαγιά, η μικρότερη αδελφή, η γειτόνισσα, η μαμά-φίλη ήταν εκεί για να σε βοηθήσει αλλά και να τη βοηθήσεις. Πλέον αυτό δεν "παίζει". Η μόνη βοήθεια στην οποία μπορείς να στηριχθείς είναι των παππούδων- αν μπορούν- ή της νταντάς που πρέπει να πληρώσεις. Κι αν δεν έχεις- που οι περισσότεροι δεν έχουν- θα πας τα παιδιά σου σε κέντρα απασχόλησης ή σε δραστηριότητες του δήμου σου.



Δεν είναι φυσιολογικό, όμως, να μεγαλώνουμε τα παιδιά μας τόσο απομονωμένοι ως γονείς. Όπως γράφει σε ένα πολύ ενδιαφέρον άρθρο της, η Louise Perry στους New York Times "Στη σύγχρονη εποχή μας αρέσει να φανταζόμαστε τον εαυτό μας ως αυτόνομες μονάδες· όμως, στον φυσικό κύκλο της ανθρώπινης ζωής, ένα μεγάλο μέρος το περνάμε εξαρτημένοι από άλλους: ως βρέφη, σε μεγάλη ηλικία, ή όταν είμαστε άρρωστοι, έγκυοι ή φροντίζουμε μικρά παιδιά. Σε εκείνες τις περιόδους εξάρτησης, συχνά νιώθουμε μια νοσταλγία για κάτι σαν μια κοινότητα-μια ομάδα ανθρώπων που είναι παρόντες στη ζωή μας και στους οποίους μπορούμε να βασιστούμε".





"Αν θέλεις ένα χωριό, πρέπει να είσαι διατεθειμένος να ζήσεις ως χωριανός"

Γιατί δεν λειτουργούμε πια έτσι; Γιατί πλέον η γειτόνισσα, η γιαγιά, η μικρή αδελφή έχει χόμπι, ενδιαφέροντα, δουλειές. Εκτιμά και αξιοποιεί διαφορετικά τον ελεύθερο χρόνο της. Και πλέον ξέρουμε ότι εάν θέλουμε να είμαστε μέλη μιας κοινότητας, τότε θα πρέπει να θυσιάζουμε κι εμείς τον ελάχιστο, ελεύθερο χρόνο μας.

"Στο αληθινό χωριό, δεν μπορείς τόσο εύκολα να αποχωρήσεις. Η ελευθερία σου περιορίζεται με τρόπο που οι περισσότεροι σύγχρονοι δυτικοί θα θεωρούσαν ασφυκτικό. Αλλά αυτό σημαίνει επίσης πως, όταν βρεθείς σε κατάσταση εξάρτησης, θα υπάρχουν σχεδόν πάντα άνθρωποι γύρω σου που θα νιώθουν καθήκον τους να σε φροντίσουν". Όπως γράφει η Perry: "Στις περιόδους της ζωής που δεν εξαρτόμαστε από άλλους, η ατομικότητα μοιάζει απελευθερωτική. Για κάθε μητέρα που θρηνεί την απουσία της ομάδας-κοινότητας, υπάρχει μια νεότερη αδελφή ή μια γιαγιά που τώρα έχει περισσότερο χρόνο για τον εαυτό της - για τη μόρφωσή της, την καριέρα της ή τα ενδιαφέροντά της. Δεν είμαι σίγουρη αν οι μητέρες που παραπονιούνται για την έλλειψη υποστήριξης συνειδητοποιούν πάντα ότι μια κουλτούρα αλληλεξάρτησης θα απαιτούσε και ανταπόδοση: Αν θέλεις ένα χωριό, πρέπει να είσαι διατεθειμένος να ζήσεις ως χωριανός", αν θέλεις βοήθεια πρέπει να είσαι παρόν όταν και οι άλλοι ζητήσουν βοήθεια.






Είχα διαβάσει σε μια επιστημονική δημοσίευση πως ο λόγος που οι άνθρωποι περνούν εμμηνόπαυση-σπάνιο στα υπόλοιπα είδη- είναι γιατί οι γιαγιάδες παίζουν πολύ πιο ενεργό ρόλο στη στήριξη των νέων γονιών. Οι γυναίκες, με λίγα λόγια, επιβιώνουν μετά την εμμηνόπυαση για αρκετά χρόνια προκειμένου να προσφέρουν τη σοφία τους και την παρουσία τους στις νέες μαμάδες και τα μωρά τους. "Τα μωρά μας είναι τόσο ανήμπορα και η σχέση μητέρας-παιδιού τόσο εύθραυστη, ώστε οι πρόγονοί μας βασίζονταν στη βοήθεια των άλλων μητέρων της κοινότητας για να επιβιώσουν τα παιδιά τους. Με άλλα λόγια, βασίζονταν στην κοινότητα", εξηγεί η Perry κι έχει δίκιο.

Αυτό το κενό που βιώνουμε σήμερα οι γονείς έχει επιπτώσεις στη ψυχική υγεία των γονιών αλλά και των παιδιών. Γιατί μεγαλώνουν κι εκείνα απομονωμένα, μεγαλώνουν με κουρασμένους και αγχωμένους γονείς. Με πολλές δραστηριότητες εκτός σπιτιού ή με τηλεόραση και video games εντός σπιτιού. Και χάνουν κι εκείνα την εμπιστοσύνη τους στους ανθρώπους, όπως την έχουμε χάσει και οι ενήλικες.

Μήπως ήρθε η ώρα να φτιάχνουμε τις δικές μας κοινότητες; Στο εξωτερικό πλατφόρμες όπως το Live Near Friends, που προτείνει στους χρήστες να αγοράσουν "σπίτια πολλαπλών οικογενειών" - κατοικίες δηλαδή που μπορούν να στεγάσουν περισσότερες από μία οικογένειες, αλλά και κοινότητες όπως The Birds Nest- μια κοινότητα μόνο για γυναίκες στο Τέξας στη λογική των "mommune” των μαμάδεων που μεγαλώνουν μαζί τα παιδιά τους, ήδη δείχνουν αυτή την ανάγκη.
Μήπως πρέπει να αλλάξουμε τη στάση μας απέναντι στους άλλους;

Αυτές οι πρωτοβουλίες είναι βέβαια σπάνιες, απούσες στην Ελλάδα. Γιατί ενώ λύνουν πολλά από τα οικονομικά και πρακτικά προβλήματα των γονιών που νιώθουν εξαντλημένοι ή μόνοι, ελάχιστοι τολμούν να τα δοκιμάσουν. Γιατί όταν είσαι μέλος μιας τέτοιας κοινότητας, δεν μπορείς να αποχωρήσεις όποτε θέλεις. Πρέπει να βοηθήσεις κι εσύ. Πρέπει να είσαι αλληλέγγυος και παρόν. Κι αυτό κάποιοι δεν μπορούν να το κάνουν καν για τους παππούδες που μεγαλώνουν τα παιδιά τους.

Ίσως τελικά αυτή η κοινότητα που ονειρευόμαστε οι γονείς να μην είναι απλά μια ομάδα βοηθών, αλλά μια στάση απέναντι στους άλλους. Κάποτε η συνύπαρξη ήταν αναγκαιότητα, σήμερα είναι επιλογή και μάλιστα δύσκολη. Ζούμε σε σπίτια που μας προστατεύουν, αλλά μας απομονώνουν. Σε κοινωνίες που μας διδάσκουν να φροντίζουμε τον εαυτό μας, αλλά όχι να μοιραζόμαστε με τους άλλους. Ίσως λοιπόν η πραγματική πρόοδος δεν βρίσκεται στην απόλυτη ανεξαρτησία, αλλά στην ικανότητα να επιστρέφουμε, πού και πού, στην κοινότητα που χτίζουμε οι ίδιοι γύρω από όσους αγαπάμε.

ΠΗΓΗ:

https://www.themamagers.gr/family/502207/den-einai-fusiologiko-oi-goneis-na-megalonoume-ta-paidia-mas-apomonomenoi(accessed 21.10.25)

The menopause: is psychology doing enough?

We may be talking a lot about the menopause, but, asks Deputy Editor Jennifer Gledhill, can psychologists offer more support during this transitional time?

07 October 2025

We've all received the 'menopause memo'. Davina McCall is showing us how she applies her oestrogen gel on YouTube, Michelle Obama is podcasting about hot flushes and weight gain, and Gwyneth Paltrow is on TikTok, talking about how she feels 'sudden fury for no reason'.

Like many of us, I've been on mandatory workplace menopause awareness training, but it left me feeling no better. I was told to go easy on myself. I'm too busy feeling the shame of brain fog and the weight of anxiety – just a couple of the 30+ symptoms of menopause – to figure out how I do this.

My Instagram algorithm is pushing me to spend a month's salary on menopause supplements, which promise to help me sleep and find more energy and clarity. Yet it all feels more about money than science – the global market for menopause products is reportedly worth nearly 17 billion dollars.

So, what will help? Thankfully, we now know that the benefits outweigh the risks for many symptomatic women when taking hormone replacement therapy. That's a turnaround from the early 2000s when the Women's Health Initiative suggested a substantially increased risk of breast cancer. HRT can help to relieve symptoms including hot flushes, sleep problems and low mood. However, many women, including me, are advised not to take it due to medical family history and other risk factors. Can psychology offer us more options? And, more importantly, do they work?
'We need other options'

I speak with Aimee Spector, Professor of Clinical Psychology of Ageing and one of the psychologists at University College London's Menopause Mind Lab – dedicated to understanding more about the impact of menopause transition on cognition, mental health and wellbeing. When I tell her that the only thing I was offered when I reported heightened anxiety and low mood to my GP was antidepressants, she expresses disappointment.

'This shouldn't be the only option,' says Spector, who believes psychology can now play a huge role in making the transition a more positive one. 'I have firsthand experience of navigating this journey for myself. It's hard. There often seems to be a lot of focus on the biological changes our bodies go through, but there are lots of psychological and cognitive symptoms as well. For me, HRT was helpful at first, but then I got breast cancer, and the recommendation was to come off it. We need other options as well.'

Spector and her team have evaluated the effectiveness of psychosocial interventions, including Mindfulness-Based Interventions and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, on non-physiological symptoms of menopause, including mood, cognition and quality of life, combining data from 3,500 women. 'CBT can help with the psychological thoughts about the physiological feelings,' she says. 'And the combination of CBT and HRT works well together. Take hot flushes that are disrupting sleep, for example. Someone may take HRT to help with the physiological symptoms, but they may well have also got into a negative thought pattern too, something I think we can all identify with – waking up in the night and not being able to drift back off because you are worrying that you are going to be awake all night. Or, we can worry about having a hot flush at work and being judged by our colleagues. CBT can be helpful when we are stuck in a negative pattern of thought, which may be hard to come out of, even when symptoms start to get better. It can help us to find strategies and techniques to help.'
One size doesn't fit all

But like with anything, there is no 'one-size fits all' and menopause support is no exception. 'For example, some neurodiverse people don't like CBT because something telling you to change the way that you think about things can be very challenging,' says Spector. 'One of the projects that we're doing now is looking at the results of Compassionate Mind Training (CMT) on women going through menopause transition; we're getting really promising results from it and hoping to expand it into a trial. CMT is a 'third wave CBT' that aims to reduce feelings of self-criticism and shame. It focuses on helping individuals to take better care of themselves and learn strategies to manage their symptoms.'

King's College London's Emeritus Professor of Clinical Health Psychology, Myra Hunter, who has worked in women's health for over 35 years, has been instrumental in creating a CBT programme that, in 2024, for the first time, was recommended by NICE as an intervention for the main menopausal symptoms – hot flushes and night sweats.

'This was good news,' she tells me. 'In the first menopause NICE Guideline in 2015, the only symptom CBT was recommended for was depression in menopause. We have now carried out six successful clinical trials and have enough evidence that CBT can help reduce the impact of hot flushes and night sweats, and help to reduce depressed mood and sleep problems. This offers a choice for women who prefer not to use HRT or for whom HRT is contraindicated. It can be used either in conjunction with HRT or on its own, and is available in self-help, group and online formats.'

Hunter explains that it is helpful to use a biopsychosocial approach to understand the range of factors that can affect a woman's experience of menopause. 'Although there are typical symptoms, we will all have our own experience, and an important need for people in perimenopause or menopause is to feel understood. As psychologists, how do we explore this? We can start by being informed and aware of what might happen during menopause, but not to judge or make assumptions. On average, about 25% of women have symptoms that impact quality of life. As well as biological factors, such as general health and menstrual changes, it makes sense to explore psychosocial factors, such as mood, beliefs about menopause and ageing, workplace environment, shame and stigma, and social support. There are bi-directional relationships between hot flushes and depressed mood, and this is important because mid-life is a time of higher reports of depressive symptoms for both men and women. There are many interactions between experience of symptoms and psychological stressors – children leaving home perhaps, older relatives needing more care – as well as expectations of how we should age and the social meanings and beliefs around women ageing.'

Hunter tells me that's where CBT and working in groups can really help. 'I think it's important with menopause awareness to remind people we're not treating an illness but offering evidence-based information and useful tools to navigate the menopause journey. We offer CBT in groups and individually, and it's manualised for psychologists and other health professionals. The course is 8 hours in total and involves psychoeducation around how to reduce stress and how lifestyle, thoughts and behaviours can impact our wellbeing. We use diaphragmatic breathing to help calm stress reactions and hot flushes. We then move on to use cognitive therapy to challenge overly negative beliefs about ageing and menopause, and coping strategies for hot flushes, sleep and night sweats. We encourage self-compassion and use CBT to help reduce the stigma and shame that we can often feel around having them. In group settings, we look at how to talk about menopause, grow our confidence and not feel the need to apologise for it.'
Menopause not illness

However, when the NICE guidelines were initially published in a consultation document, there was an immediate backlash, with the media and some advocacy groups expressing outrage that psychological interventions were being recommended for their debilitating symptoms. A quick Google points to some early reactions: 'Rubbish. How is mindfulness going to help you when you wake again at 3am drenched in sweat?' and, 'Try being in a responsible job with long hours and making time for this. HRT got me through without fuss.'

Both Hunter and Spector remember the reactions well. 'Opinions can be very divided,' says Spector, 'but saying that CBT might help doesn't mean that HRT won't. It certainly helped me, but I was told to stop taking it! Many people would benefit from both, and some may want choices in terms of treatment options.'

'The wording of the final guidance, published in 2024, was changed to be clear that CBT is recommended as an option – not instead of HRT ', says Hunter. 'However, given that women's experience varies such a lot, it makes sense to wait to find out if you need to have HRT, rather than viewing it as something you should be doing. There have been people on social media talking about menopause as if it's a disease that you must take medication to treat. What we can do is not say that the menopause is automatically a disaster for everybody.'

After falling down a rabbit hole reading the responses to the NICE guidelines around CBT, I wonder if part of it is fuelled by the ongoing legacy of women not feeling heard by the health system. After all, a 2025 study funded by the Department of Health and analysed by The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine has found that one in four women in England have suffered with serious reproductive health issues, with 'systemic, operational, structural and cultural issues' preventing them from accessing care.' Overall, 74 per cent of women reported experiencing some form of reproductive health problem relating to menstruation, menopause, pregnancy and diseases such as endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome.

If we haven't experienced personalised, compassionate care from our health care provider (and how much can we expect in a brief appointment?), and menopause-training has, for the first time, only just become mandatory for medical students, can we really expect our reproductive and menopausal health needs to be met when we ask for support? Do we need to stay on the defensive until we can be assured that professional caregivers have caught up?
Researching psychiatric disorders

'Progress is always too slow and too frustrating,' says Professor Arianna Di Florio, Professor of Psychological Medicine and Clinical Neuroscience at Cardiff University. Di Florio's recent 2024 study has highlighted just how much we need to question research methods that study the experience of perimenopausal people.

Her team looked at incidence rates of psychiatric disorders during the perimenopause (classed as four years around the final menstrual period – FMP) and found that, compared with the pre-menopausal period (6-10 years before FMP) incidence rates of psychiatric disorders significantly increased (0.59% to 0.88%), mainly due to small increases in new onset major depression and mania. However, these prevalence rates returned to premenopausal levels during postmenopause (0.50%).

The study was the first of its kind in the UK to include over 120,000 participants and use 'age at menopause' rather than simply 'age' as a variable. 'In my clinic, I found that some women, previously living lives without any experience of severe mental health issues, developed severe mental illness around the time of the menopause,' says Di Florio.

'Psychiatric disorders associated with the menstrual cycle, childbirth and menopause are very complex, very heterogeneous conditions. The crucial point to me is that, clinically, we cannot make any strong assumption based on averages. By using age at menopause rather than simply age, we found that participants without a previous history of mania were over twice as likely to develop mania for the first time in the perimenopause than in the late reproductive stage (6 – 10 years before FMP).'

'So, in practical terms,' says Di Florio, 'if a perimenopausal woman presents to the doctor for the first time with symptoms of bipolar disorder, the doctor should take her seriously and not, as sometimes happens, confuse a severe mental illness with another condition, such as major depression or, even worse, with an existential crisis or a stereotype such as the "empty nest syndrome" or, even, dismiss this as "only menopause". HRT is not enough to treat mania.'
'Why did nobody ever teach me about this?'

I'm fully aware I'm at the 'lucky' end of the scale in terms of my menopausal symptoms. I wasn't offered any psychological interventions when I asked for help, but I am a privileged, healthy, white woman, a psychotherapist who has access to experts and information at hand. For many women, it's not that simple, something Diane Danzebrink, founder of Menopause Support, a not-for-profit community interest company that campaigns for better menopause information, knows all too well.

As founder of the #MakeMenopauseMatter campaign – which calls for mandatory menopause education for doctors, a public health menopause information project, greater support in the workplace and for menopause to be added to the curriculum in secondary school education – Danzebrink knows that having a 'menopause policy' in the workplace isn't enough.

'The problem with awareness is that if you raise it, and more people recognise there might be options for their symptoms, then they are disappointed when the infrastructure isn't there to support them. It may take three or four weeks to see a GP. That appointment is probably going to be for about eight minutes. Unless they see someone who specialises in menopause, which is unlikely, they may come away no better off.'

Danzebrink says that despite working with lots of menopause specialists over the years, it feels like it's only now that there's more understanding about hormones. 'Often women have been experiencing premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which causes significant distress in some menstruating women, and they have been misdiagnosed as bipolar. There may be neurodiverse people who haven't had a diagnosis but perhaps have been masking throughout their lives, who then enter perimenopause, and all their coping strategies go out the window.'

Danzebrink's own experience of enduring years of painful periods, horrific pain and being fobbed off by doctors eventually resulted in a diagnosis of grade four endometriosis and adenomyosis following a total hysterectomy for suspected ovarian cancer in 2012, at the age of 44. Three months after surgery, her mental health plummeted. 'I came very close to taking my own life', she tells me.

'Not one doctor gave me information about the menopause, nobody mentioned HRT to me, not until I hit rock bottom. After I recovered, I thought, "Why did nobody ever teach me about this? Why didn't I hear about menopause when I learned about periods and pregnancy at school? And why is there no kind of national campaign to bring about public awareness?"'

Despite never campaigning before, with Menopause Support, Danzebrink has managed to bring menopause to the curriculum in schools, and mandatory menopause training for all medical students has just started. 'We are still campaigning for a government public health campaign, and we want to have menopause guidance and support in every workplace, regardless of the number of people you employ. We don't want it to be simply a tickbox exercise. We want to ensure that the entire workforce is educated about what menopause is, when it happens, why it happens, what people can do to support themselves, and what your role is in supporting your colleagues. I think the benefit would be enormous for the health and wellbeing of the whole population, but I think there would be a huge financial benefit too. However, not many women hold the purse strings when it comes to these decisions', says Danzebrink.

She's right. UK grant-making charity, The Rosa Foundation, announced in 2023 that from a total of £4.1 billion worth of grants awarded to charities, the women and girls sector received just 1.8 per cent.
Making a difference

In addition to educating the workplace and the next generation of GPs, should there be plans to educate more psychologists? Professor Spector informs me that plans are afoot as we speak: 'We are about to launch a half-day online course called 'Introduction to Menopause for Psychological Therapists' from the Menopause Mind Lab. This is because most psychological therapists in the UK haven't had any menopause teaching. The course not only provides a background and biopsychosocial perspective but also encourages people to formulate using case vignettes and discuss if, when and how to bring menopause into a discussion with the client. I have just run a session for our second year Clinical Psychology Doctorate trainees at UCL,' says Spector, 'and most were amazed that this was the first time menopause had been introduced to our curriculum. Thankfully, this will now be an annual session at UCL, but I believe that all psychology training courses should be covering it.'

Perhaps the best way psychologists can make a difference to the menopause experience is by creating interventions that can reach the largest number of people. Professor Hunter is working on that right now.

'With the British Menopause Society, Drs Melanie Smith and Janet Balabanovic are training health professionals to use the manualised group CBT program and the therapy is being implemented in NHS trusts and cancer charities. With colleagues – Prof Amanda Griffiths and Dr Claire Hardy – we have developed an online package for organisations to use called Menokit that's got something for everybody – for employers, for menopause champions and with CBT for those who need it. We aim to make it available to organisations as soon as possible. It is important to consider the work environment as well as the individual. And important not to forget that menopause is a process and most symptoms are time-limited. When we have done qualitative studies with women who have come through it, they talk about feeling stronger, with a renewed sense of themselves and their identity. Maybe that's through shaking off some of those negative gender stereotypes and taking the opportunity to reflect on who we are, and what we need to look after ourselves.'

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/menopause-psychology-doing-enough(accessed 15.10.25)

Γιατί κανείς δε μιλάει για την ψυχολογία του ζευγαριού σε διαδικασία εξωσωματικής; Πώς να διαχειριστούμε το άγχος

Ένα από τα πλέον ευαίσθητα θέματα που μπορεί να απασχολεί αρκετά ζευγάρια αφορά την εξωσωματική διαδικασία. Οι ερωτήσεις που πρέπει να απαντήσουν μεταξύ τους τα ζευγάρια και οι συμβουλές της ψυχολόγου.

ΓΡΑΦΕΙ: The Mamagers Team - 04 ΣΕΠΤΕΜΒΡΙΟΥ, 2025



Η σύγχρονη καθημερινότητα ενδεχομένως οδηγεί αρκετά ζευγάρια στο να καταφύγουν στην εξωσωματική για διάφορους λόγους, μια διαδικασία η οποία εμπεριέχει έντονη ψυχολογική φθορά. Αυτή η ψυχολογική φθορά σχετίζεται με τις έντονες προσδοκίες του ζευγαριού για την απόκτηση παιδιού (αυτές οι προσδοκίες ενισχύονται κάποιες φορές ακόμη περισσότερο και από τις προσδοκίες του οικογενειακού ή φιλικού περίγυρου).
Τα 2 ερωτήματα που πρέπει να απαντήσουν τα ζευγάρια πριν από την απόφαση


Έτσι λοιπόν είναι αναγκαίο να έχουμε στο νου μας ότι η εξωσωματική είναι μια ιδιαίτερη και συνάμα πολύ ευαίσθητη διαδικασία όπου χρειάζεται να εστιάσουμε στο τι σημαίνει για το κάθε ζευγάρι η απόκτηση παιδιού και για ποιο λόγο είναι σημαντική η απόκτηση παιδιού. Αυτά τα δύο ερωτήματα είναι απαραίτητο να απαντηθούν πριν ξεκινήσει κανείς τη διαδικασία.

Σε σχέση με τα παραπάνω ερωτήματα είναι κάποιες φορές ενσταλαγμένη η πεποίθηση ότι οικογένεια σημαίνει απόκτηση παιδιού. Αντιστοιχεί όμως αυτή η πεποίθηση στην πραγματικότητα; Η απάντηση είναι αρνητική καθώς κάθε ζευγάρι χρειάζεται να έχει στο νου του ότι είναι ήδη οικογένεια και ότι η απόκτηση παιδιού σημαίνει την επέκταση της οικογένειας.




Παρόλα αυτά αρκετές φορές παρατηρούμε ότι η παραπάνω πεποίθηση μπορεί να υπερισχύει στο νου αρκετών ζευγαριών λόγω κάποιων κοινωνικών πιέσεων π.χ. επίμονες ερωτήσεις ή πεποιθήσεις "πότε θα κάνετε παιδί;”, "ακόμη να κάνετε παιδί;”, "χωρίς παιδιά δεν έχει νόημα η ζωή”, "τα παιδιά είναι ευτυχία” οι οποίες επιβαρύνουν ψυχολογικά το ζευγάρι.

Βάσει των παραπάνω κατανοεί κανείς ότι η ερμηνεία του όρου οικογένεια είναι πολύ σημαντική σε σχέση με το πώς τα ζευγάρια αντιλαμβάνονται τη διαδικασία της εξωσωματικής την οποία ξεκινούν. Σε αυτό το σημείο χρειάζεται να προστεθεί η σημαντική αναπλαισίωση της πεποίθησης ότι η εξωσωματική γίνεται όχι "σε μένα” αλλά "για μένα” ως μια ευκαιρία, δυνατότητα να αποκτήσει κανείς παιδί.

Έτσι λοιπόν τα ζευγάρια που ξεκινούν αυτό το ιδιαίτερο ταξίδι της απόκτησης παιδιού είναι αναγκαίο να λειτουργούν ως ομάδα. Το ομαδικό πνεύμα σε συνάρτηση με τον κοινό στόχο, το κοινό όραμα, την αλληλοϋποστήριξη, την αλληλοκατανόηση, τον αλληλοσεβασμό είναι σημαντικά στοιχεία τα οποία θα βοηθήσουν στη διαχείριση των κάθε είδους δυσκολιών που μπορεί να εμφανιστούν κατά τη διάρκεια αυτής της διαδρομής. Ταυτόχρονα η διάθεση ουσιαστικής επικοινωνίας στο ζευγάρι μέσα από το μοίρασμα των ευκολιών καθώς και των δυσκολιών είναι ο ακρογωνιαίος λίθος για μια γόνιμη ζωή.
Ένα ταξίδι με έντονα συναισθήματα και διακυμάνσεις

Επιπλέον χρειάζεται να δώσουμε έμφαση στα ποικίλα συναισθήματα που εμπεριέχει αυτό το ταξίδι για την απόκτηση παιδιού π.χ. αγωνίας (αν η προσπάθεια θα είναι επιτυχής), ανησυχίας (αν κάνουμε ό,τι χρειάζεται με τον πιο κατάλληλο τρόπο), άγχους (αν η κάθε απόφαση που λαμβάνουμε είναι η πιο κατάλληλη), απογοήτευσης (τι δεν πήγε καλά), θυμού και θλίψης (κανείς δε μπορεί να καταλάβει όσα βιώνουμε), χαράς (δίνουμε την ευκαιρία σε εμάς να προσπαθήσουμε να αποκτήσουμε παιδί), ηρεμίας (κάνουμε το καλύτερο που μπορούμε), ικανοποίησης (βρισκόμαστε ολοένα και πιο κοντά στην απόκτηση παιδιού) καθώς είναι ένα ταξίδι στο άγνωστο με τελικό προορισμό το θαύμα της απόκτησης παιδιού.

Όπως γίνεται αντιληπτό ένα ζευγάρι μπορεί να βιώσει διάφορες συναισθηματικές διακυμάνσεις λόγω των εναλλαγών στα παραπάνω συναισθήματα. Για αυτό χρειάζεται να τεθούν όρια (π.χ. πόσες φορές αντέχει το ζευγάρι να κάνει την εξωσωματική διαδικασία χωρίς να καταρρεύσει ψυχικά), δικλείδες ασφαλείας στις επιλογές που θα γίνουν (αν νιώθει το ζευγάρι ασφάλεια στη συνεργασία με τους επαγγελματίες υγείας), στα βήματα που θα ακολουθηθούν (αν λαμβάνονται υπόψη τα δεδομένα και οι συνθήκες που επικρατούν στη ζωή του ζευγαριού) ώστε να υπάρχει αυτοπροστασία του για να μη διακυβευθεί η ψυχική ηρεμία του.

Και αν κάποια στιγμή λυγίσετε σε αυτή τη διαδρομή να έχετε στο νου σας ότι είναι εντάξει και ότι είστε οι ήρωες στη δική σας ζωή! Η όποια πιθανή αδυναμία σας γίνεται η δύναμή σας! Να εμπιστεύεστε τη διαίσθησή σας και να κρατάτε στο νου σας πώς ό,τι συμβαίνει γίνεται για κάποιο λόγο, για να οδηγηθείτε σε εκείνο το μονοπάτι που είναι το πιο κατάλληλο για εσάς! Έτσι μονάχα έρχονται και τα θαύματα στη ζωή σας!

Ευχαριστούμε την Φωστηρία Αμανατίδου, Ψυχολόγο, Ειδικό στη Γνωστική-Συμπεριφορική Θεραπεία-NLP Master Coach, www.amanatidou.com

ΠΗΓΗ:

https://www.themamagers.gr/egimosuni/501590/pos-diaxeirizomai-to-agxos-stin-exosomatiki(accessed 8.10.25)

Dominant and submissive relationships

by Meg-John Barker



Welcome to my website! You’ve found my most popular post, and in a second you can read more about Dominant/submissive relationships. If you want to find out more, check out my books and zines which cover this topic in more depth. If you like this, please do consider supporting my Patreon.

Why do people sometimes prefer Dom/sub relationships?

D/s is one aspect of the wider category of BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadomasochism), sometimes also known as kink. Some people are into all of the things listed under BDSM, and some only some of them. D/s is generally distinguished from SM because it is more about power than about physical sensation (although some use these terms more interchangeably).

In D/s activities one person generally dominates the other, or has power over them, therefore people tend to prefer D/s if they find a power dynamic to be exciting in some way. Of course it is pretty common for sex and power to be mixed together in our culture. For example, a lot of romance fiction involves people being rescued from peril or being swept away by somebody more powerful, and a lot of people fantasise about having the power of being utterly desirable to their partner.

What is involved in a Dom/sub relationship?

If somebody identifies as being into D/s, or having a D/s relationship, then they probably include power play in their sex life, and perhaps in other aspects of their relationship. People can identify as dominant, submissive, or switch (which means that they are sometimes dominant and sometimes submissive). It might be that people stick to the same roles each time they play together, or that they take different roles on different occasions.

For most people, being D/s will be something that they only do some of the time (for example, just in pre-arranged scenes – often, but not always, involving sex). Such scenes could involve any kind of exchange of power. For example, the submissive person might serve the dominant one food, or give them a massage; the dominant person might order the submissive one around or restrain them or punish them in some way; people might act out particular power-based role-plays such as teacher and student, cop and robber, or pirate and captive.

Some people who are into D/s might have longer periods, such as a holiday, where they maintain their power dynamic. And a few have lifestyle or 24/7 arrangements, where one person always takes the dominant, and the other the submissive, role. However, even in such cases much of their everyday life will probably not seem that different to anybody else’s.
How does it differ to the traditional ‘vanilla’ relationship?

This depends very much on how important it is in the lives of those involved. Some D/s relationships would look very much like a vanilla relationship but just with a bit more power-play involved when people have sex. Others would have something of the D/s dynamic in other parts of the relationship. However, it should be remembered that most vanilla relationships have specific roles (e.g. one person takes more responsibility for the finances, one person is more outgoing socially, one person does more of the looking after, one person takes the lead in sex). In D/s relationships those things tend to be more explicit, but perhaps not hugely different.

So perhaps the main difference is in the amount of communication. Most people involved in BDSM stress the importance of everything being ‘consensual‘ so there will probably be much negotiation at the start about the things people do and do not enjoy, and the ways in which the relationship will be D/s. Checklists and contracts can be useful ways of clarifying this. So, for example, there may be limits about the kinds of activities and sensations people like, whether they enjoy role-play or not, and which aspects of the relationship will have a D/s element.

Why do so many people have misconceptions of this type of relationship?

The media portrayal of BDSM has tended to be very negative, often associating it with violence, danger, abuse, madness and criminality. Research has shown that actually people who are into BDSM are no different from others in terms of emotional well-being or upbringing, and that they are no more likely to get serious injuries from their sex lives, or to be criminal, than anybody else.

Often the media also focuses on the most extreme examples, such as very heavy and/or 24/7 D/s arrangements, rather than the more common relationships where there are elements of D/s. For these reasons people may well have misconceptions about D/s relationships. This is why it is useful to get a range of experiences out there in the media – so people can have more awareness of the diversity of things involved and the continuum (e.g. from light bondage and love bites to more scripted scenes and specifically designed toys).
How do couples go about beginning a relationship like this?

A good idea for all people in relationships, whether or not they are interested in D/s, is to communicate about what they like sexually early on, and more broadly about what roles they like to take in the relationship. Often people just assume what they other person will enjoy or how they would like the relationship to be.

For example, one good activity from sex therapy and from the BDSM community is to create a list as a couple of all of the sexual practices that either of you is aware of, and then to go down it writing ‘yes’, ‘no’, or ‘maybe’ about whether it is something that interests you, and sharing your thoughts. It can also be good to share sexual fantasies or favourite images/stories and to talk about whether (and, if so, how) they might be incorporated into your sex life (the Nancy Friday and Emily Dubberley collections of sexual fantasies can be helpful with this). It is very important that people only do things that they really want to try (rather than feeling coerced into certain activities) and that it is accepted that there will likely to be areas which aren’t compatible as well as those that are.

BDSM communities and websites are a great place to look for more information from those who have been involved in these kinds of practices and relationships. Also local fetish fairs and kink events often include demonstrations and workshops. There is more in my books Enjoy Sex and Rewriting the Rules about communicating about sex and relationships.
Some people have a BDSM relationship outside of an existing ‘vanilla’ relationship. What effect can this have on a marriage or couple relationship?

Again this varies. Although it isn’t always out in the open, many couples have arrangements where they are open to some extent (e.g. monogamish couples, the ‘new monogamy’, open relationships, swinging, polyamory, and ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ agreements).

Having different sexual desires is one reason why some couples open up their relationship to one or both of them being sexual with another person. If this is communicated about clearly, kindly and thoughtfully, it can work perfectly well. The important thing again is kindness and communication.

In regards to the hit book 50 Shades of Grey, many husbands have bought this for their wives and girlfriends. What does this say to them, and how would you help a couple who want to get more involved in this sort of lifestyle but don’t know how, or they are too shy to approach it?

The kinds of conversations and activities mentioned above are a great idea. One of the good things about 50 Shades of Grey is that it has opened up this kind of conversation for many people. However, it is important not to assume that the only form of BDSM is the one described in the book. In a heterosexual couple it may well be that the woman is more dominant, for example, or that both people switch roles, and the things that they enjoy may well be different to the ones which Ana and Christian engage in in the book.

If you want to read more about different practices and how to do them, then there are lots of good books available about BDSM. Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy’s books The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book are great places to start, as is Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Kink.

For couples who are really struggling to communicate about sex, or who have very different desires and are finding it hard to reconcile this, it might well be useful to see a sex and relationship therapist for a few sessions. The Pink Therapy website includes many kink-friendly therapists.

SOURCE:

https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/sex/dominant-and-submissive-relationships/(accessed 6.10.25)