Awkwardness

See podcast:

https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/awkwardness/

This time on the podcast Meg-John interviewed Elsie Whittington. Elsie is a researcher at Manchester Met Uni who did her PhD on consent and studies youth sexuality.

For the podcast episode Elsie and MJ decided to focus on awkwardness because this was such a big theme in Elsie’s research that it ended up being a whole chapter of her thesis.

How is awkwardness relevant to sex and consent?

Pretty much every one of the young people who Elsie spoke to for her research said that a huge thing they feared during sex was awkwardness, and this was a major barrier to having conversations about consent, or to pausing or stopping what they were doing if it wasn’t feeling good.



The sex educators and advisors that Elsie spoke with also said that awkwardness was a big barrier to talking about sex openly in schools and youth groups – and evidence suggests that medics, therapists, and other professionsal feel similarly awkward about bringing up issues of sex and consent.
What is awkwardness?

Most of the participants in Elsie’s research said it was a sense of embarrassment or having got something wrong. They felt awkward that they might be exposed as being inept at sex in some way if they brought up consent, or talked about what they wanted, for example. They were scared of losing face and looking stupid.

Interestingly the word awkward – from the Latin – means wrong (awk) and direction (ward – like backward and forward). So it’s literally about a fear of going in the wrong direction. On the podcast we linked this to the sexual script that is taught in media, sex advice, sex ed, etc. Part of why there is awkwardness around sex is that there is a sense of the ‘right direction’ that we could (intentionally or unintentially) deviate from. Even worse, there’s often a sense that trying to do it consensually will risk us going in the wrong direction.
What do we generally do about awkwardness?

In all aspects of life we’re taught pretty thoroughly to avoid awkwardness – perhaps particularly if we’re from cultural backgrounds which have a horror of embarrassment and where saving face is important. We might struggle with restaurants or shops or other unfamiliar environments if we sense that we don’t know the script – and therefore risk being awkward.

As with so many difficult feelings our default may be to assume that the presence of awkwardness is a bad thing, and that avoiding it is a good thing, at whatever cost.
Why is this risky?

When it comes to sex – which feels like such a loaded, vulnerable situation with potential for awkwardness – people may even prefer to risk unwanted or non-consensual sex than facing an awkward pause, silence, or conversation. Awkwardness is also a reason often given for struggling to suggest contraception.

Sex advice and media – including much advice around consent – is largely to blame for people preferring risky non-awkwardness to consensual awkwardness. It presents a script for sex, with everyone telepathatically knowing what to do without communication, and no awkwardness. Even consent ed often presents consent conversations as straightforward and not awkward. We need to see more realistic images and examples of people navigating awkwardness around sex and consent. It simply isn’t possible to get to that point without a lot of practise (including plenty of awkwardness).
How could we approach awkwardness differently?

We spoke about the importance of staying with feelings: learning how to be with awkwardness, recognising that it’s possible to feel and won’t destroy us. The most we can practise being okay with awkward feelings, the more we’ll be okay when those happen during sex.

Naming awkwardness can really take the sting out of it. Saying ‘oh that’s awkward’ or referencing the awkward turtle meme helps to make it a bonding, perhaps funny, moment rather than something that feels terrible.

It can be great to model the capacity to be awkward and it be okay for other people – if it’s something you can do. You can bring in cultures with friends where you see anybody feeling awkward as a great sign that a conversation would be helpful. Naming awkwardness and asking how others are doing can be helpful for social dynamics, and good practise again for when this comes up in relation to sex (whether sex itself or conversations about it).

© Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock, 2020

SOURCE:

https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/awkwardness/(accessed 18.06.25)

'We have a duty to carry out socially relevant research'

Ella Rhodes reports on the impact for British Psychological Society journals.

16 June 2025



Studies published in British Psychological Society journals are having an impact on global education, health, and pandemic preparedness policy. A recent BPS analysis of data from Altmetric, which monitors mentions of journal articles in government guidelines, white papers and other publications, found articles in our journals were cited by bodies including the World Health Organisation and the World Bank.

Three studies published in the British Journal of Educational Psychology featured in the top 10 BPS journal articles with the greatest policy impact in 2024. One of these was an open-access paper by University of Sussex researchers Dr Lewis Doyle, Dr Matthew Easterbrook, and Professor Peter Harris. They explored teachers' perceptions of an identical piece of work written by students who appeared to be from varying ethnicities and socioeconomic backgrounds.

Teachers judged lower-socioeconomic-status (SES) students' work to be of lower quality than higher SES students and rated their ability and potential as inferior. The researchers suggested these unconscious biases among teachers could be part of the reason students from lower SES backgrounds tend to perform worse at school.

Their work was cited by the European Commission's Joint Research Service in its paper on the impact of COVID-19 restrictions on learning loss and education policy in Europe. The Pandemic, Socioeconomic Disadvantage, and Learning Outcomes also drew on case studies from Germany, Italy, the Netherlands, and England to explore the learning challenges created by COVID-19, particularly for students from socioeconomically disadvantaged backgrounds.

Doyle said his and colleagues' research, including the British Journal of Educational Psychology article, sought to use social psychology to better understand and combat educational inequalities. 'As a scientific community, I think we have a duty to carry out socially relevant research that can have a positive impact on society.

'Finding that teachers may be biased in their judgements is an important discovery to share with other academics, but in terms of real-world impact, it is far more important to communicate these learnings to teachers and policymakers themselves. This article gained a large amount of media attention and enabled us to reach a broader audience than may otherwise have been possible. We have subsequently shared these findings in workshops and meetings with teachers and school leaders and hope that this will lead to impactful change.'

In 2020, the British Journal of Educational Psychology also published a study by Canisius University researchers Professor Kristin Finn, Dr Clancy Seymour, and Anna Phillips, which again explored bias among teachers. They asked middle school and high school teachers to assess a fake essay which also included a photograph of students of varying weights – they found overweight students were more likely to be given lower grades, and were assumed to have lower grades overall.

The European Parliament's Policy Department for Economic, Scientific and Quality of Life Policies included these findings in its document Current challenges and opportunities for addressing obesity. The report, produced for the parliament's Subcommittee on Public Health, explored obesity prevention and management in the EU, healthcare for people with obesity, and environments which promote health.

The Covid-19 pandemic also featured extensively in the top 10 BPS journal articles with most policy impact, including a longitudinal study in the British Journal of Educational Psychology on teachers' mental health during the first year of the pandemic. University of York researchers – Dr Lisa Kim, Dr Laura Oxley, and Professor Kathryn Asbury – looked at 24 primary and secondary school teachers' job demands and resources in April, July and November of 2020.

They found that teachers' mental health and wellbeing, particularly among primary school leaders, generally declined across that period. The uncertainty in their roles, workloads, negative perceptions of their profession, concern for the wellbeing of others, health struggles and having multiple roles had a particularly negative impact on teachers' mental health and wellbeing, while having social support, autonomy at work and coping strategies impacted positively on them.

A 2024 report commissioned by the European Agency for Safety and Health at Work cited these findings. This report looked at artificial intelligence in education and advocated for a teacher-centred perspective in discussions about the use of digital technology in education.

Several pandemic-related papers published in the British Journal of Health Psychology were also included in the top 10. One of these was a study by Frederik Jørgensen, Dr Alexander Bor and Professor Michael Bang Petersen, which explored the protective behaviours people had taken during the COVID-19 pandemic, and attitudes towards the pandemic and society more broadly.

This research, published in 2021, included surveys of more than 26,500 people living in Denmark, France, Germany, Hungary, Italy, Sweden, the UK, and the USA. The findings showed that one of the major reasons people followed protective advice was a feeling of self-efficacy, and the impact of fear on those behaviours was small among those who felt higher self-efficacy. The authors suggested governments could foster compliance without resorting to heightening feelings of fear among the public.

This study was cited in a paper on incorporating trust into planning for future health crises, including pandemics, in the Bulletin of the World Health Organisation by Thomas Bollyky from the US Council for Foreign Relations and Michael Bang Petersen. In that paper, they proposed that policies should ensure the trust which already existed in communities should be sustained during health crises, in part by using honest and transparent communication, and that strategies should be introduced which promote cooperation in communities where trust in government is low.

Another top 10 study in the British Journal of Health Psychology looked at people's intentions to take the COVID-19 vaccine in the face of information about its efficacy. Professor Colin Davis (University of Bristol), Matt Golding, the founder and creative director of Rubber Republic, and Professor Ryan McKay (Royal Holloway, University of London), asked more than 480 people in four different conditions about their intentions to take the Covid-19 vaccine.

Giving people information on the safety and efficacy of the COVID-19 vaccine increased their intentions to have the vaccine. The researchers also found a stronger increase in Covid vaccine intentions in a condition where participants were shown safety and efficacy information about the Covid vaccine alongside information that the flu vaccine's efficacy was much lower than the Covid vaccine.

The World Bank cited this research in its policy research working paper Behaviorally Informed Messages Increase COVID-19 Vaccination Intentions: Insights from a Global Meta-Analysis. This paper analysed 28 online experiments, which involved more than 120,000 people, and found behaviourally-informed messages significantly increased vaccination intentions among unvaccinated people.

Chair of the BPS Research Board, Dr Richard Stephens, told us: 'It's no secret amongst the community of psychology researchers that the evidence-base can be so impactful. We understand how to design and run robust studies that provide meaningful insights into psychological processes that affect people's decisions and, consequently, their lives. But it's so wonderful to see my peers (and forebears) spreading influence, worldwide.'

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/we-have-duty-carry-out-socially-relevant-research(accessed 18.06.25)

Όταν νιώθουμε τύψεις επειδή φωνάξαμε στο παιδί- Η απάντηση του παιδοψυχολόγου

O σύμβουλος γονέων και παιδοψυχολόγος Ιωάννης Γλωσσόπουλος μιλάει για ένα θέμα που έχει απασχολήσει όλους τους γονείς. Για τις τύψεις που βάζουμε όταν φωνάζουμε στα παιδιά, όταν συνειδητοποιούμε ότι δεν ξέρουμε πώς να θέσουμε όρια, όταν νιώθουμε κακοί γονείς, όταν είμαστε απλά εξαντλημένοι.

Οι συμβουλές του είναι πολύτιμες και κυρίως πολύ καθησυχαστικές για τους γονείς που προσπουθούν καθημερινά να γίνουν η καλύτερη εκδοχή του εαυτού τους:


Φωνάζεις στο παιδί σου και μετά νιώθεις χάλια.
Δεν θες να το πληγώνεις.
Δεν θες να είσαι "αυτός” ο γονιός.
Αυτός που είπε ότι δεν θα γίνει ποτέ.
Κι όμως… εκεί βρίσκεσαι.
Με φωνές που δεν σε εκπροσωπούν και τύψεις που σε βαραίνουν.
Δεν είσαι κακός γονιός.
Είσαι κουρασμένος.
Εξαντλημένος.
Και πολλές φορές, χωρίς σωστά "εργαλεία."




Γιατί τα όρια δεν μπαίνουν μόνο στο παιδί.
Μπαίνουν πρώτα σε σένα.


Στο πότε λες "ναι" ενώ μέσα σου είναι "όχι".
Στο πότε κρατάς, κρατάς, κρατάς... και μετά ξεσπάς.
Στο πότε δεν φεύγεις για να μην κλάψει και τελικά φωνάζεις για να σταματήσει.
Όριο είναι να πεις "τώρα δεν μπορώ άλλο", πριν φτάσεις στο δεν αναγνωρίζω τον εαυτό μου.
Όριο είναι να πεις "χρειάζομαι βοήθεια" και να την αναζητήσεις.
Όριο είναι να πεις στο παιδί "σ' αγαπώ, αλλά αυτό δεν γίνεται".

Μπορείς να γίνεις ο γονιός που θέλεις.
Όχι όταν δεν φωνάζεις ποτέ.

Αλλά όταν κάθε μέρα κάνεις λίγο χώρο για σένα και λίγο χώρο για εκείνο!

ΠΗΓΗ:

https://www.themamagers.gr/family/500756/fonazeis-sto-paidi-sou-kai-meta-niotheis-xalia(accessed 18.06.25)

Making time for humanity in mental health care

Manuela Maletta, Mental Health Practitioner, looks to bridge some gaps.

15 May 2025


'Lara' was referred to me by her GP. She had struggled with mixed anxiety and depressive disorder for years and had gone through several antidepressants – each discontinued either due to intolerable side effects or a brief period of effectiveness. She had also completed two courses of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with limited benefit. Her GP felt they had exhausted all alternatives available in primary care – therapy, medication – and believed Lara's case was not severe enough to meet the criteria for secondary care intervention, usually reserved for people who score high in risk assessments, or who present with eating or personality disorders and subsequently experience complex mental health issues.

This is a situation I see increasingly often in the course of my work as a Mental Health Practitioner. In my early years as a behavioural therapist working with neurodiverse clients, with a complementary career in the performing arts, I became quite sensitised to the matters of narratives, time, and dissonances. It is through this lens that I now observe people with complex and longstanding mental health difficulties, caught between the limitations of primary care and the thresholds of specialist services. People who don't quite 'fit' the system.
Lara

The NHS Long Term Plan (2019) called for the creation of integrated models of care, aiming to promote collaboration within Primary Care Networks (PCNs) and Community Mental Health Services. These models were designed to help people like Lara (all names here have been changed) – people whose needs fall in the gap between IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) and secondary care. According to the King's Fund, between 2010/11 and 2014/15, referrals from primary care to community mental health teams in England increased by 19 per cent. During a similar time frame – from 2005 to 2015 – the British Medical Association reported that prescriptions for antidepressants doubled. This signals a system under pressure, where medication often becomes the default response to complex emotional distress.

In a 2018 survey by Mind, involving 1,000 GPs, around 40 per cent of respondents estimated that mental health was a significant component of their daily appointments. This aligns with what many practitioners experience: mental health now represents a substantial part of the GP caseload, and yet primary care is not always equipped with the time, training, or pathways to support these patients fully.

Long waiting times and stretched resources create bottlenecks. GPs are left managing patients with increasingly complex needs, often without access to timely support or clear clinical pathways. This results in fragmented care, where mental and physical health are rarely addressed in a coordinated way. Barriers to integration include logistical challenges, funding limitations, and the absence of shared systems or protocols. The result? Patients feel unsupported, GPs feel overwhelmed, and practitioners are left to try and bridge the gap, often without formal authority or structure to do so.

This is where the integration of Mental Health Practitioners (MHPs) into primary care comes into focus – not just as a theoretical improvement but as an urgent, practical solution. A shift towards compassionate, timely, and holistic care. Lara came to me with a deep sense of hopelessness and the belief that every option had already been tried and failed. She felt like a lost cause. But I believe mental health professionals are, at their core, creatures of hope (just like philosophers are 'functionaries of mankind'!).

And so, we began. Not with a new medication or a fresh referral, but with presence – with time. We were standing in front of a puzzle with scattered pieces and had been told perhaps they were the wrong ones. But no, Lara – these were your pieces. Our work was to look at them from the right angle.

This is the gift that working in primary care integration can offer: the gift of time. The time that GPs and many other professionals simply don't have. Unlike the strict 10-15 minute appointment slots common in general practice, MHPs are typically able to offer 30 or even 60 minute sessions. This extended time allows for deeper exploration – not just of symptoms, but of the stories, patterns, and social contexts behind them. We are positioned at the intersection of medicine, psychology, and community support, and often act as bridges across systems. In doing so, we have the potential to bring a uniquely integrative and human approach to care, one that values presence as much as intervention. And sometimes, this approach is what changes everything.
Joseph

Joseph had always found it hard to talk about his feelings. Stigma – especially around masculinity and mental health – was deeply embedded in his narrative. At one point, he had briefly mentioned his emotional struggles to his GP and had been given the link to self-refer to IAPT. But he never did. He felt like 'jumping in the dark'.

Joseph didn't know what to do with a self-referral link. He needed a person – someone to walk alongside him as he took the first steps. From our early sessions, it became clear he wasn't looking for therapy in the conventional sense. He needed human connection and validation. He needed someone who could listen without judgement and offer some structure and support for the isolation that was weighing on him.

As we explored his story, it also became clear that much of his discomfort stemmed not from generalised anxiety but from the internalised stigma of growing up as a gay man in an environment where this was not safe or accepted. This wasn't just about mental health – it was about identity, shame, and isolation.

We investigated LGBTQ+ community groups, connected him with our social prescriber, and explored opportunities for volunteering, so that Joseph could try to take a step outside of himself. These small but significant interventions helped Joseph begin to reconnect with others, and consequently with himself. His mental health improved not through clinical intervention alone, but through validation, connection, and a sense of belonging.
Craig

Craig was a young offender from an ethnic minority background. Recently released from prison, he had been issued several fit notes excusing him from probation appointments, though these were inconsistently granted by different clinicians, with varying descriptions of his symptoms. It raised an important question: what exactly was he being excused from?

When Craig came to see me, his presentation revealed layers of trauma that had never been named or supported. He described severe anxiety dating back to early childhood, significant behavioural issues at school that had led to exclusion, and clear symptoms of PTSD following his incarceration.

He hadn't shared any of this with his probation officer. He didn't know how to. He said he found it difficult to leave the house at all. The only reason he had made it to the appointment was because 'the GP practice is local, and the doctors are there to help'.

His PCL-5 scores indicated severe PTSD. He was supported to share these findings with probation, and adjustments were made to ease his attendance. We also referred him for trauma therapy while continuing to meet regularly while on the waiting list to maintain engagement.

Despite a history of reoffending, Craig became determined to break the cycle. He developed a new vision for his future.

What made this possible? A safe space, presence, and time.
Integration in practice

Integrated models of care have demonstrated improved outcomes for individuals with mental health conditions or long-term physical illnesses. Research shows that collaborative approaches within the NHS can reduce hospital admissions, increase patient satisfaction, and improve cost-effectiveness.

In my day-to-day work, integration means everything from supporting people on the SMI register to engage with annual health checks, to providing brief interventions such as grounding techniques and motivational interviewing. I refer patients to other services and advocate for patients with rejected referrals, attend MDTs and interface meetings, liaise with consultant psychiatrists and clinical psychologists, and work across both the GP practice and the Trust.

This dual-anchored role has its complexities. In the beginning, there was little clarity. I essentially have two managers, two sets of supervision, and often two conflicting sets of expectations. It took a few joint meetings and some honest conversations to clarify my remit and strike the right balance.

I now feel fortunate to work for an excellent trust and an equally nurturing and collaborative GP practice. Both are aligned with my values – patient-centred care, empathy, and teamwork. I've been granted a clear remit, along with the flexibility to adapt it to the needs of the people I support.

One of the most valuable aspects of this role is being able to choose the length of a session, whether 30 minutes or a full hour. While I technically offer a maximum of 4-5 sessions, I continue to see patients for longer when needed, if the intervention remains beneficial or if periodic welfare checks are part of the plan.

There have been times when admin has felt overwhelming, especially during referral surges, but honest communication led to increased protected time for documentation and referrals. Boundaries were also clarified around medication – I'm not trained to manage pharmacological care, and in such cases, I refer patients back to the GP.
Revisiting Lara

Returning to Lara, one of the key themes in our early sessions was the word 'overwhelm'. She often described feeling 'incapable of coping like other people'. Over time, I've come to recognise this word – overwhelm – as a flag. It's worth exploring deeply.

I began to ask about sensory sensitivities and social interactions. Lara gradually identified patterns that hinted at neurodiversity. We completed the AQ-10 screening tool for Autism and the ASRS for ADHD. Her scores were high enough, and with the Right to Choose, she accessed the appropriate diagnostic assessments relatively soon, which confirmed both ASC and ADHD.

This opened a new narrative for Lara – one that finally made sense. We discussed how unrecognised neurodivergence may have shaped her experiences of anxiety and low mood for years. We developed a sensory care plan, particularly around transitions and holidays, to prevent future overwhelm. She joined a support group and began reading about neurodivergence in girls. She later started supporting her younger brother through his own diagnostic journey.

Her life improved. Not overnight – but with time, patience, and validation.
Reflections on practical implementation

To strengthen this model, several practical elements need to be prioritised. First, co-location is vital. Physically embedding Mental Health Practitioners within GP practices enhances both access and visibility. When patients see that mental health care is a routine part of their local surgery, stigma is reduced and engagement increases.

Equally important would be ensuring that MHPs are included in the multidisciplinary discussions within both GP practices and Primary Care Networks. Being part of these integrated meetings not only improves continuity of care but would also allow for more nuanced and timely support across services.

Shared care pathways should also be clearly established. Patients, clinicians, and support staff need to understand when it's most appropriate to involve a Mental Health Practitioner, when a GP should take the lead, and when an urgent referral to secondary or specialist services is necessary. Without these guidelines, care can become inconsistent or delayed.

Finally, the principle of 'no wrong door' should underpin the entire system. No one should be turned away simply because they don't fit neatly into an existing category or meet arbitrary thresholds. If someone finds the courage to reach out – regardless of the severity or complexity of their presentation – they deserve to be heard, held, and supported.

The stories of Lara, Joseph, and Craig reflect the core truth of integrated care: healing happens when people feel seen, heard, and held, especially in systems where they've long been overlooked.

Integration is not just a buzzword. It is a necessary transformation. It calls for investment – not just in resources, but in relationships. In time. In presence. In human connection.

We must continue to build models that are flexible, collaborative, and above all, person-centred. The policy frameworks are there – the NHS Long Term Plan, the Community Mental Health Framework – but real integration happens in conversations. In listening. In adapting. In showing up.
Are we really making a difference?

Yes. When we're given the space and trust to do so, we make all the difference.

For Lara.
For Joseph.
For Craig.
And for everyone still waiting to be heard.
References

British Medical Association. (2024). "It's broken": Doctors' experiences on the frontline of a failing mental healthcare system. BMA. Retrieved from https://www.bma.org.uk

Department of Health and Social Care. (2019). The NHS Long Term Plan. NHS England. Retrieved from https://www.longtermplan.nhs.uk

King's Fund. (2017). Understanding NHS financial pressures: How are they affecting patient care? Retrieved from https://www.kingsfund.org.uk/publications/understanding-nhs-financial-pressures

Mind. (2018). GP mental health training survey summary. Retrieved from gp-mh-2018-survey-summary.pdf

NHS England. (2021). The Community Mental Health Framework for Adults and Older Adults. Retrieved from The Community Mental Health Framework for Adults and Older Adults | Royal College of Psychiatrists

NHS England. (2023). What are integrated care systems? Retrieved from NHS England » What are integrated care systems?

Royal College of Psychiatrists. (2021). Long Term Plan for the NHS in England. Retrieved from Long Term Plan for the NHS in England| Royal College of Psychiatrists

Thornicroft, G., Mehta, N., Clement, S., Evans-Lacko, S., Doherty, M., Rose, D., ... & Henderson, C. (2016). Evidence for effective interventions to reduce mental-health-related stigma and discrimination. The Lancet, 387(10023), 1123–1132. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(15)00298-6

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/making-time-humanity-mental-health-care(accessed 13.06.25)

What it means to be weird

Professor Catherine Loveday (University of Westminster) reviews ‘Normally Weird and Weirdly Normal – My adventures in Neurodiversity’, by Robin Ince.

10 June 2025


In his latest book, Normally Weird and Weirdly Normal, Robin Ince says that he always asks people to put the vital information of an email in the first sentence. So, for those that share his cognitive style, let me cut to the chase and say that I absolutely loved this book. I started reading the hardback when it came through the post and was so keen not to stop, that when I set off for the office I looked up the audiobook and kept going. For the next few days, I flipped between both formats wanting to consume it as quickly as possible. I'm not the only one – a friend of mine, recently diagnosed with ADHD, read the book in less than 24 hours, and I have seen many others say the same.

Robin's book gives a frank and compelling account of his journey to understanding himself and in particular his discovery that he is neurodivergent. While his formal clinical diagnosis is of ADHD, the book speaks more generally about neurodiversity and what it means to be 'weird', whether that be consistently leaving cupboard doors open, a life-long obsession with Doctor Who, a desk that is piled so high that it looks like the 'entropy fairy has fired a leaf blower at it', the distress of meltdowns, or an overwhelming sensitivity to injustice.

One thing that I really like about Robin's approach is that although the book refers to many traits that are common in neurodivergent people, it mostly steers away from linking these with specific diagnoses. Indeed, he acknowledges that his own 'weirdness' is also shaped by his own personal childhood trauma. Instead, he talks of thoughts, feelings, behaviours and anxieties that occur frequently in people with neurodivergent profiles. He draws on his own experiences, of course, but also of many others who he has met along the way – taking the reader through the full gamut of emotions, from the exhaustion of relentless masking to the joy of discovering confident vulnerability.

The tricky decision about how and who a formal diagnosis can help is chewed over in a chapter towards the end of the book. For Robin, recognition of his ADHD provided an explanation and gave him (and his family) an operating manual. He acknowledges that not everyone needs or wants to go down this road, but also shares the stories of many who have felt like a weight was lifted when their differences were finally acknowledged and explained.

I found myself laughing out loud one minute and letting out big gulping sobs the next – at random points and in equal measure. Sometimes, this was simply an empathic response to Robin's story and to the painful experiences of many others that he has spoken with. But also, I instantly recognised the experiences of a number of others I am close to, and at times I even saw elements of myself ('doom bags' and diary mishaps being at the top of that list). To be clear, I don't consider myself neurodivergent or to have ADHD, but I think there is a powerful and emotional relief that comes from such open acknowledgement of traits that you recognise in yourself, albeit at a much milder level.

While the book is predominantly about being neurodivergent, Robin invites us to celebrate the full range of neurodiversity and to challenge the ideological notion of what it means to be 'normal'. I came away from the book not only with more understanding of others, but also feeling a little more understood myself. Wherever we may sit on the distribution of 'typical' to 'atypical', we all have different strengths and weaknesses. If only society could be a little more accommodating of these differences, we might all be a little better off.

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/what-it-means-be-weird(accessed 13.06.25)

The ‘mind’s nose’ might actually be a thing

Move over, mind’s eye — new research suggests that the ability to imagine smells is also common.

22 May 2025

By Emma Young


If I asked you to conjure the image of a slice of lemon in your mind, could you do it? What if I then asked you to imagine its scent?

It's widely accepted that most people are capable of picturing an object in their mind — as well as imagining sounds and movements of objects, write the authors of a new study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance. However: "There is a seemingly widespread belief among olfactory researchers that the human ability to imagine odours may be severely limited or even non-existent." Their new research contradicts this belief — in fact, the ability to imagine a wide range of specific scents seems to be common.

In the first stage of their two-part study, Stephen Pierzchajlo at Stockholm University and colleagues got 37 Swedish-speaking adults to sniff a total of 16 odours in the lab. The participants scored each odour on a number of factors, including pleasantness. (These odours, which were taken from the Sniffin' test of odour based memory, ranged from smells such as petrol and garlic all the way to apples and fish.)

Then, the participants were given pairs of these odours to sniff, and asked to judge how similar the two scents were on a scale from 0 to 100. Every single possible pairing was presented twice. In the second half of the experiment, the order was reversed; so, for example, if in the first half, banana was paired with lemon, and the participant sniffed banana before lemon, in the second set of trials, they instead sniffed lemon first.

When the team analysed these results, they found that the similarity ratings for each pair in the first and second halves of the experiment were very consistent. This gave them confidence that the ratings were reliable — rather than being wild and random responses.

For the second major stage of the study, which was conducted online, the researchers recruited about 2,000 Swedish adults, who fell into two age ranges — 20 to 45 and 60 to 85. In this experiment, participants were shown a series of a single 'target' odour names from the set of 16, plus four others, one of which was also from the set of 16. Each time, they rated how similar each of the other four odours were to the target on a scale from one to five.

The researchers then compared the average similarity ratings for the scent pairs from the first stage of the study with average similarity ratings for the same pairs from the second stage. They found a strong positive correlation — ratings from people who'd had to imagine how similar a given pair of scents would be were very similar to those from different people who had actually sniffed and compared them.

"Our results suggest that people are capable of mentally evoking and comparing odour pairs when presented with their known labels," the team writes.

They also found that although pairs of scents that had been deemed to be more equally pleasant (or unpleasant) in the first stage also got higher similarity scores, pleasantness didn't explain the similarities between the ratings from the lab-based and the online participants. (Rather, it only supported the well-established finding that pleasantness is the most important perceptual feature of an odour, they write.)

Notably, though smelling ability is known to deteriorate with age, and some studies have found that women have more sensitive noses than men, they didn't find that age or gender affected the similarity ratings.

These findings suggest that just as the vast majority of people can represent visual images in a perceptual 'space' in their minds, we do something very similar with odours. And this may have everyday implications. Some recent research has found, for example, that people who find it easy to imagine odours have stronger food cravings and put on more weight. More work is now needed to explore odour imagery abilities in other groups — not just Swedish adults, or people who seem to be especially good at it — and the possible real world effects.

Read the paper in full:
Pierzchajlo, S., Hörberg, T., Challma, S., & Olofsson, J. K. (2025). Evidence from odor similarity judgments suggests a widespread ability to imagine odors. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, 51(5), 629–642. https://doi.org/10.1037/xhp0001292

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/minds-nose-might-actually-be-thing(accessed 4.6.25)

Γιατί το παιδί μου λέει ψέματα; Οι πιο συχνοί λόγοι και πώς να το διαχειριστείς

Έχεις γνωρίσει παιδί που να μην έχει πει ποτέ κανένα ψέμα;

ΓΡΑΦΕΙ: The Mamagers Team - 28 ΜΑΙΟΥ, 2025




Έχεις γνωρίσει παιδί που να μην έχει πει ποτέ κανένα ψέμα; Κάποια είναι πολύ χαριτωμένα (μια πριγκίπισσα μου χτένισε τα μαλλιά σήμερα), κάποια είναι ανούσια (δεν ξέρω που είναι το μολύβι μου) και κάποια είναι πιο ανησυχητικά (έπεσα από τις σκάλες στο σχολείο/η δασκάλα μου είπε ότι είμαι ο καλύτερος μαθητής). Γιατί τα παιδιά λένε ψέματα, πώς πρέπει να αντιδράμε και πότε πρέπει να το δούμε πιο σοβαρά; Σύμφωνα με τους παιδοψυχολόγους, τα παιδιά καταλαβαίνουν τη διαφορά ανάμεσα στο ψέμα και στην αλήθεια μετά την ηλικία των 4-5 ετών. Τα μικρότερα παιδιά μπερδεύουν τα φανταστικό και το αληθινό. Μπορεί να έχουν σκεφτεί κάτι ή να το έχουν δει κάπου και να το αναφέρουν ως προσωπικό τους βίωμα και ως αληθινό γεγονός. Σταδιακά μετά την ηλικία των 4 ετών διαχωρίζουν καλύτερα την πραγματικότητα από τη σκέψη και τη φαντασία.
Γιατί τα παιδιά λένε ψέματα;


Για να καταλάβουμε οι γονείς πώς πρέπει να αντιδράσουμε σε ένα ψέμα, οφείλουμε να δούμε τις αιτίες για τις οποίες μπορεί ένα παιδί να πει ψέματα.


Μόλις έμαθαν... τι είναι ψέμα: Το παιδί ανακάλυψε το ψέμα και πρέπει να το δοκιμάσει. Πώς θα αντιδράσει η μαμά μου; Θα με πιστέψει;
Θέλει την προσοχή: Ένα παιδί που είναι αγχωμένο ή περνάει κάτι και δεν μπορεί να το εκφράσει συναισθηματικά μπορεί να πει ένα ψέμα για να τραβήξει την προσοχή, για να έχει περισσότερη φροντίδα (π.χ. μαμά πονάει ο λαιμός μου) ή λένε ένα ψέμα για να κρύψουν τι περνάνε.
Απλά δεν το σκέφτονται: Η παρορμητικότητα στα παιδιά είναι διάχυτη για αυτό δεν αποκλείεται να πουν ένα ψέμα χωρίς καν να το σκεφτούν. Με λίγα λόγια, μιλάνε πριν σκεφτούν! Σε αυτές τις περιπτώσεις, αρκεί να ρωτήσεις το ίδιο πράγμα και να του δώσεις την ευκαιρία να πει την αλήθεια!
Θέλει να ξεχωρίσει: Τα παιδιά με χαμηλή αυτοεκτίμηση λένε ψέματα για να φανούν, να ξεχωρίσουν και να εντυπωσιάσουν τους άλλους.
Λένε αθώα ψέματα: Μια δεξιότητα που μαθαίνουν από τους γονείς, συνήθως, κάποια παιδιά θα πουν ένα ψέμα που δεν βλάπτει (δεν μπορούσα να έρθω στο πάρτι σου) συνήθως για να προστατεύσουν κάποιον (κι εγώ φοβήθηκα χθες όταν φώναξε η δασκάλα).




Τι μπορούν να κάνουν οι γονείς για να σταματήσουν τα παιδιά να λένε ψέματα




Δείχνουμε στα παιδιά ότι εκτιμάμε την ειλικρίνεια. Κάθε φορά που λένε την αλήθεια πρέπει να τα επαινούμε για τη (δύσκολη, πολλές φορές) απόφασή τους να πουν την αλήθεια.
Επαναλαμβάνουμε την ερώτηση: Δίνουμε μια δεύτερη ευκαιρία στο παιδί να πει την αλήθεια (βούρτσισες τα δόντια σου;). Εάν πει την αλήθεια το επαινούμε, διαφορετικά θα πρέπει να κατανοήσει ότι υπάρχουν συνέπειες.
Έχουμε ενσυναίσθηση: Εάν το παιδί δεν μπορεί να εκφράσει τα συναισθήματά του και καταφεύγει σε ένα ψέμα (δεν πήρα το παιχνίδι του) πρέπει να σκεφτούμε γιατί το έκανε (ήθελε να παίξει και ζήλευε το παιχνίδι του αδελφού του). Τότε εστιάζουμε στην αιτία, μαθαίνουμε στο παιδί πώς να ζητάει ευγενικά και να μοιράζεται.
Οι τιμωρίες δεν λειτουργούν: Οι τιμωρίες δεν διορθώνουν τον λόγο που οδήγησε το παιδί στο να πει ψέματα, αντίθετα το πεισμώνουν και το κάνουν να νιώθει ότι "κανείς δεν καταλαβαίνει".
Ενισχύουμε τη συνήθεια της αλήθειας. Εστιάζουμε στη θετική συμπεριφορά και επιβραβεύουμε την αλήθεια με λέξεις, με συναίσθημα και με ένα φιλί ή μια αγκαλιά.
Σε ένα σοβαρό ψέμα, καταφεύγουμε στις... συνέπειες! Αντί για τιμωρίες αφήνουμε τη δυνατότητα στο παιδί να ανακαλύψει ότι για τα ψέματα, υπάρχουν συνέπειες. Αν κάθε μέρα πετάει το φαγητό του στο σχολείο και δεν το τρώει, τότε δεν του δίνουμε λεφτά για το κυλικείο. Αν ένα μεγαλύτερο παιδί δεν διαβάζει συστηματικά, τότε θα πρέπει να το ελέγχετε εσείς καθημερινά μέχρι να κερδίσει ξανά την εμπιστοσύνη σας.




ΠΗΓΗ:

https://www.themamagers.gr/family/110713/giati-to-paidi-moy-leei-psemata-oi-pio-sychnoi-logoi-kai-pos-na-to-diacheiristeis(accessed 30.5.25)

The Trevor Project. Coming out. A handbook for LGBTQ young people.

Available online 

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Coming-Out-Handbook.pdf

Binary presentation of climate data makes people take notice

Gradual shifts in climate data can make the climate crisis feel less urgent — but presenting it differently can avoid this trap, according to new research.

16 May 2025

By Emily Reynolds


How best to communicate the impact of climate change is a constant debate for policymakers, climate scientists, and activists. With changes in the climate often feeling incremental, rather than sudden, there can be a sort of 'boiling frog' effect — ultimately leading people to feel a sense of distance from the issue at hand, and an overall lack of feelings of urgency.

In a new paper in Nature Human Behaviour, Grace Liu and colleagues at UCLA and Princeton argue that instead of emphasising gradual warming to unlivable levels, presenting data that is undeniably stark in how large of a change has taken place could be one way of breaking through this apathy. They find that presenting continuous data, such as incremental changes in temperature, is far less effective than showing it in a binary form, such as whether a lake did or did not freeze in winter. These results could offer an actionable new strategy for those trying to spur action on the climate crisis.

To understand how different ways of presenting data affect how people respond to climate change, the team showed participants data presented in one of two ways over the course of several studies. The first showed temperature changes over time (continuous data) while the other simply showed whether or not a lake froze each year (binary data).

In the first experiment, 766 participants were shown climate data from a fictional town in America over the course of 80 years. Some participants saw it presented in continuous form as a smooth temperature line, while others viewed it in binary freeze/no-freeze bars. They then indicated on a scale from 1 to 10 how much they thought climate change had affected the town, how much temperatures had changed, and how much lake freezing had changed over time.

The perceived impact of climate change was significantly higher among participants in the binary condition — around 12% higher than those who saw continuous data. This group also perceived a stronger trend in increasing temperatures, and increased frequency of lake freezing. Overall, this suggests that binary data is more impactful as a way of communicating climate change than continuous data.

Next, the team conducted an experiment with real-world lake freeze data from five lakes at high risk of ice loss. In this study, 235 adults read about each lake before being shown either continuous or binary data on its temperature and answering the same questions as those in the first study. Again, those who saw binary data saw climate change as having a more severe impact, as well as believing there was a greater change in temperature in the lake.

Finally, 392 participants were introduced to another fictional winter town and assigned to either the continuous or binary condition. In the continuous condition, they saw one of three graphs showing the town's average winter temperature. In the binary condition, they saw graphs showing whether the lake froze over or not. They then indicated whether they noticed a big change in the pattern and when they thought it happened.

Participants in the binary condition were more likely to notice a change in the pattern, while those who saw continuous data were less likely to see a changepoint at all, or were more unsure about a change. Participants who viewed the binary data also showed greater consensus on the location of the changepoints by year.

The team compares public response to climate change to the proverbial boiling frog, "failing to notice the creeping danger until it is too late." Implementing smart strategies that disrupt this, like favouring binary data presentation, could therefore have a big impact by creating a perception of sudden changes that shock people into action.

"It's not just warmer winters; it's also a loss of ice hockey and white Christmases. It's not just hotter summers; it's the disappearance of a swimming hole due to drought or soccer practice (being) cancelled because it's dangerously hot," said lead author Grace Liu in a press release. "Our study drives home the importance of discussing climate change not just in gradual temperature terms, but in concrete, either-or terms, showing how life has changed."

Read the paper in full:
Liu, G., Snell, J. C., Griffiths, T. L., & Dubey, R. (2025). Binary climate data visuals amplify perceived impact of climate change. Nature Human Behaviour. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-025-02183-9

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/binary-presentation-climate-data-makes-people-take-notice(accessed 21.05.25)

Holding the pain, healing together

Zeynep Yasar, a Chartered Psychologist working in Istanbul, on working as a woman with women survivors of trauma.

14 May 2025


A patient was referred to me through an NGO supporting survivors of sexual abuse. She was a young woman whose body had been treated inhumanely. In our early sessions, she sat with her back straight, hands clenched, eyes avoiding mine. Each gesture was calibrated for safety. Her silence wasn't empty – it was filled with things too weighty to say out loud.

I haven't lived this woman's experience. But I've spent years working with women whose trauma is stored in their bodies, whose trust must be earned breath by breath. As a woman and a clinical psychologist, I have come to understand how trauma shapes presence, how survival can look like detachment, stillness, even compliance.

My role wasn't to interpret or push her story into words. It was to stay, to not look away, and to trust that something begins to shift when safety is consistently offered, not demanded. In that quiet space, healing starts. Not because I know her pain, but because I respect its weight.

Over the past decade, I have had the privilege and challenge of working as a clinical psychologist with many women like this: survivors of trauma, including sexual abuse, domestic violence, and human trafficking. I often find myself at the intersection of vulnerability and strength. I've learned to navigate these complex, painful landscapes with empathy and clinical precision. But there's a delicate balance that must be struck. As a woman myself, the weight of the stories I hear, the echoes of pain, and the impact of these experiences are never fully separate from who I am.

Psychotherapy is a space where we, as professionals, are trained to contain and hold the emotional weight of others. But no matter how skilled we are, we are also human. As a woman, the resonance of trauma in my patients can sometimes stir something deeply personal within me. This isn't simply an emotional reaction – it's often a form of transference, a psychological process where unconscious feelings and projections from both the patient and the therapist can influence the therapeutic relationship.

My sessions with that patient, like many others, reminded me that counter transference is not a detour from the work – it is the work. As a woman, I've often been socialised to carry others' pain quietly, to be endlessly available, and to suppress my own emotional reactions. But in therapy, I've learned to transform those reactions into tools.
Echoes of pain and empowerment

When I feel overwhelmed, protective, or even exhausted, I don't see those responses as failures. They're signals. They help me understand what's happening beneath the surface, not just for the patient, but also in the relational space we share. The emotional weight I carry doesn't disqualify me, it grounds me. And in many cases, it allows me to tune in to what's unspeakable, to hold what hasn't yet been named. In other words, every encounter in the therapeutic space is actually instructive and developmental for us professionals, not only professionally but also as women.

In working with women who have suffered trauma, I have witnessed how deeply these experiences reshape not only their identities but also their ability to trust others and themselves. I've worked with women who have been controlled, silenced, abused or threatened into submission by their abusers. Each woman's journey is uniquely painful, but the patterns are often similar. One woman might come in, her voice barely audible, afraid of speaking out of fear of judgment or retribution. Another may sit with me, numb to her own feelings, unable to connect with the devastation she carries inside.

Through psychotherapeutical lenses, it's clear that the trauma these women carry doesn't just reside in the cognitive mind. It is embedded in their bodies, in their ways of relating to others, psychosomatic responses and in the unconscious defenses they deploy to manage the pain. I often see signs of dissociation, an attempt to protect the self from the unbearable, shutting down parts of their emotional experience to maintain any semblance of control. The internal struggle between self-preservation and the longing to be seen and understood is something that takes time to unpack.

But what strikes me most is the strength beneath the surface. These women are not just victims, they are also survivors. Slowly, sometimes over years, they begin to reclaim their sense of self, even as they hold onto the parts of their history that are painful and complex. This is the power of the therapeutic process, it gives them the space to transform their trauma into a story that is theirs to tell, not just a story of victimhood but one of empowerment.
The emotional weight

"To be effective, what matters is not the technique,

it is you, your person,

who uses the technique."

J. David Nasio

As a woman therapist, there are moments when the stories I hear resonate deeply, cutting beyond the professional lens. While it's one thing to listen with care and expertise, it's another when the pain feels personal, especially when the injustices these women endure are so close to my own lived experience as a woman. Hearing accounts of abuse, control, and manipulation, often perpetrated by men in positions of power, can be overwhelming.

The emotional tension in these moments is about navigating the weight of their pain and my own anger without letting it overshadow the therapeutic space. In these moments, anger, sadness, and frustration aren't just valid; they're essential. They offer insights into the power dynamics in the room and reflect the broader gendered oppression that underlies the client's trauma.

As a woman, this countertransference is inevitable. But it's not just a challenge, it's valuable. My emotional responses connect me to the patient's experiences, providing depth to the therapeutic relationship. They help me understand and empathise in a way that's rooted in shared gendered experiences. Countertransference becomes a tool to understand the patient's emotional world more deeply and to enhance the work we do together. This approach ensures that while the emotional weight is real, the emotions themselves become part of the process of healing, not a distraction from it.
Supervision and self-care

However, this power must be carefully managed. The nature of working with trauma is that, as therapists, we are not neutral observers. We are active participants in the therapeutic process.The subtle impact that hearing a survivor's pain has on me, the compassion, the anger, or even the helplessness, can colour how I relate to the patient. Without supervision and reflection, countertransference could cloud my ability to offer the best care. This is why supervision is vital at any time of our professional journey.

Supervision allows me to step back from these emotional responses and examine them from a safe distance. Even as an experienced clinician, I find myself at times overwhelmed or caught off guard by the intensity of the work. Supervision provides a crucial space to reflect on my reactions, process difficult emotions, and regain clarity about my professional boundaries. It is essential for me to make sense of what I feel so I do not inadvertently bring my own unresolved issues into the room with my clients.

I've also learned the important lesson of self-care. We cannot pour from an empty cup. As women therapists, it is easy to fall into the trap of prioritising our clients' needs over our own, but the metaphor of the airplane emergency procedure is fitting: you must put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others. If we do not take care of our own mental and emotional health, we risk becoming ineffective or, worse, burned out.

Psychologically speaking, the act of self-care is not just about rest, it's about maintaining the integrity of the therapeutic frame. By attending to our own needs, we ensure that we can be fully present for our clients. It is not selfish to seek support, whether through supervision, peer discussions, or personal therapy. Instead, it is an essential part of being a professional who can offer true healing.

I remind myself and a young psychologist I work with regularly that self-compassion is a cornerstone of our work. Taking time to reflect, to rest, and to reconnect with our own personal lives ensures that we can continue to meet our patients with the clarity and empathy they deserve. The therapist's emotional health is intimately connected to the success of the therapeutic relationship. We cannot be emotional recycling bins for others' pain if we are not actively tending to our own well-being.
An ongoing journey

The work I do with women survivors of trauma is never easy, but it is always profound. There are days when the pain in the room feels like it will consume me, but I have learned to lean into my training, my supervision, and my own reflective practices to maintain my balance. I know that my clients need me to be strong, present, and clear, not just as a professional but as a person.

As women psychologists, we contain, hold and often share that emotional weight of the women we see. I have learned that can guide a therapeutic journey that is not just theirs; it is ours too, a shared process of growth, healing, and mutual respect. But we must acknowledge the emotional and psychological impact this work can have on us, and remember that by caring for ourselves, we can offer our patients the best of us – without losing ourselves in the process.

Zeynep Yasar is a Clinical Psychologist and Author

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/holding-pain-healing-together(accessed 15.5.25)

Πώς μπορώ να προστατεύσω τον γιο μου από την κουλτούρα της τραπ, τον ρατσισμό και τον μισογυνισμό;

by Αγγελική Λάλου
5 Μαΐου 2025




Θέλω να ευχαριστήσω τον εν λόγω τράπερ, που έγινε αφορμή για άλλη μια ουσιαστική συζήτηση με τον έφηβό μου


Δεν έχουν περάσει πολλές ώρες από τη στιγμή που καθόμουν στο σαλόνι μου παρακολουθώντας το χάος να ξετυλίγεται στα μέσα κοινωνικής δικτύωσης με ένα τραγούδι του Έλληνα τράπερ. Οι στίχοι ήταν προσβλητικοί, γεμάτοι μίσος και απροκάλυπτα απαξιωτικοί για τις γυναίκες – λέξεις που πλήττουν βαθιά, όχι μόνο τις γυναίκες αλλά και όποιον πιστεύει στον σεβασμό και την ανθρωπιά. Ως μητέρα ενός έφηβου γιου, ένιωθα έναν επίμονο τρόμο. Δεν πρόκειται απλώς για ένα τραγούδι. Πρόκειται για τον κόσμο στον οποίο μεγαλώνει – έναν κόσμο όπου τοξικά μηνύματα γλιστρούν μέσα από τις ρωγμές, διαμορφώνοντας συμπεριφορές και σιγά σιγά, ύπουλα, διδάσκοντας τα αγόρια μας να αποδέχονται το μίσος ως φυσιολογικό.



Θέλω να ευχαριστήσω τον εν λόγω τράπερ (δεν θα μπω καν στη διαδικασία να αναφέρω το όνομά του ή τους προσβλητικούς προς τα άτομα ΑμΕΑ ή γενικά τις γυναίκες), με έναν περίεργο τρόπο, που πυροδότησε αυτή τη συνεχιζόμενη συζήτηση. Που ανάγκασε γονείς σαν εμένα να αναρωτηθούν: πώς μπορώ να προστατεύσω τον γιο μου; Πώς μπορώ να τον προστατεύσω από την παγίδα του μισογυνισμού, του ρατσισμού και των επιβλαβών στερεοτύπων που εξελίσσονται συνεχώς στην κουλτούρα γύρω μας; Γιατί αν δεν αρχίσουμε να μιλάμε ανοιχτά γι’ αυτό, αν δεν το καταπολεμήσουμε ενεργά στην καθημερινή ζωή, τι είδους μέλλον παραδίδουμε;

Αυτό που μου κάνει εντύπωση είναι το πώς η κοινωνία θέλει να παρουσιάσει αυτά τα τραγούδια ως μεμονωμένες πράξεις – μια συνωμοσία για τη διαφθορά της νεολαίας. Αλλά η αλήθεια είναι ότι ο μισογυνισμός, ο ρατσισμός και το μίσος δεν περιορίζονται στα κομμάτια κάποιου τράπερ ή στις σελίδες στίχων γεμάτων προσβολές. Είναι συνυφασμένα με την καθημερινότητά μας. Τα ακούμε σε αστεία με τα οποία γελάμε, στη γλώσσα που δεχόμαστε ως «φυσιολογική», στην περιστασιακή ασέβεια προς τις γυναίκες ή στις περιφρονητικές συμπεριφορές για τα άτομα με αναπηρία. Είναι εύκολο να καταδικάσεις ένα τραγούδι και να απαιτήσεις απαγορεύσεις, αλλά η πραγματική πρόκληση έγκειται σε αυτό που αφήνουμε να περάσει κάθε μέρα. Τα αστεία με τα οποία γελάμε, η περιφρόνηση που σιωπηλά υποστηρίζουμε, τα στερεότυπα που περνούν ως «απλά αστεία», είναι μέρος της μεγαλύτερης παγίδας.

Ανησυχώ επειδή ο γιος μου είναι ευάλωτος. Όχι μόνο σε στίχους που υποκινούν βία ή μίσος, αλλά σε μια ευρύτερη κουλτούρα που ομαλοποιεί την ασέβεια. Πώς να του εξηγήσω ότι ο σεβασμός των γυναικών δεν είναι απλώς μια καλή ιδέα αλλά μια αναγκαιότητα; Πώς μπορώ να τον εμποδίσω να πέσει στην ίδια νοοτροπία που βλέπουμε να ενισχύεται σε αυτούς τους στίχους – όπου οι γυναίκες είναι αντικείμενα, όπου η βία, η εκμετάλλευση και η μη συναίνεση φαίνεται να είναι απλώς μέρος της «πραγματικής» ζωής που κάποιοι δοξάζουν (και μάλιστα αφήνουν να εννοηθεί ότι πρόκειται για μια πλούσια και δελαστική ζωή);


Έχω δει σχόλια από ανθρώπους που υποστηρίζουν ότι η τέχνη πρέπει να έχει ελευθερία, ότι δεν πρέπει να λογοκρίνεται. Αλλά ρωτάω, τι γίνεται με την ελευθερία των ευάλωτων; Το κορίτσι με αναπηρία που αποκαλείται «καθυστερημένη» και στη συνέχεια υποβαθμίζεται περαιτέρω; Ο λόγος μίσους που κρύβεται πίσω από τη μάσκα της «τέχνης» – δεν είναι ελευθερία. Είναι μια επέκταση της καθημερινής σκληρότητας. Αν προστατεύσουμε αυτό το είδος λόγου, δίνουμε μόνο δύναμη στην τοξικότητα.

Είναι σαφές ότι χρειαζόμαστε περισσότερα από απαγορεύσεις ή θυμωμένες διαδικτυακές αναρτήσεις. Αυτό που χρειαζόμαστε είναι ενεργή, συνειδητή προσπάθεια για την ανατροφή των αγοριών μας με σεβασμό, ενσυναίσθηση και επίγνωση. Πρέπει να τους διδάξουμε νωρίς ότι αυτό που καταναλώνουν –μουσική, μέσα κοινωνικής δικτύωσης, συζητήσεις– διαμορφώνει την κοσμοθεωρία τους. Και βέβαια οι οικογένειές μας, εμείς οι ίδιοι ως γονείς, πρέπει να είμαστε ισχυρά και υγιή πρότυπα. Αν μεγαλώσουν ακούγοντας μισογυνισμό και ρατσισμό χωρίς αμφιβολία, χωρίς να βλέπουν το κακό, πώς μπορούμε να περιμένουμε από μια διαφορετική γενιά να αντιδράσει;


Καθώς κάθομαι εδώ τώρα, συνειδητοποιώ ότι δεν μπορώ να ελέγξω τις πράξεις όλων ή την κουλτούρα γενικότερα. Αλλά μπορώ να ελέγξω τον τρόπο που μεγαλώνω τον γιο μου. Θέλω να καλλιεργήσω μέσα του ένα κριτικό μυαλό, το θάρρος να καταγγέλλει την αδικία και τη συμπόνια να βλέπει πέρα ​​από τα στερεότυπα. Θέλω να δημιουργήσω ένα περιβάλλον όπου οι ερωτήσεις είναι ευπρόσδεκτες, όπου ο σεβασμός είναι αδιαπραγμάτευτος και όπου το μίσος δεν έχει θέση.


Η ελπίδα μου είναι ότι, μιλώντας ανοιχτά για αυτά τα ζητήματα, μπορούμε να προστατεύσουμε τα παιδιά μας από το να πέσουν στις παγίδες του μίσους και του μισογυνισμού. Πρέπει να κάνουμε αυτές τις συζητήσεις φυσιολογικές, συνεχείς και ειλικρινείς. Γιατί αν το κάνουμε, ίσως, απλώς ίσως, μπορούμε να βοηθήσουμε στην οικοδόμηση ενός μέλλοντος όπου η αγάπη, ο σεβασμός και η κατανόηση υπερισχύουν του μίσους.

Αυτό δεν είναι εύκολο αλλά είναι απαραίτητο. Και πιστεύω ότι, στο τέλος, είναι δυνατό. Για τον γιο μου, για τα παιδιά σας, για όλους μας. Απλώς πρέπει να ξεκινήσουμε αντιμετωπίζοντας την αλήθεια και να δώσουμε θετικό παράδειγμα.

ΠΗΓΗ:

https://childit.gr/%cf%80%cf%8e%cf%82-%ce%bc%cf%80%ce%bf%cf%81%cf%8e-%ce%bd%ce%b1-%cf%80%cf%81%ce%bf%cf%83%cf%84%ce%b1%cf%84%ce%b5%cf%8d%cf%83%cf%89-%cf%84%ce%bf%ce%bd-%ce%b3%ce%b9%ce%bf-%ce%bc%ce%bf%cf%85-%ce%b1%cf%80/(accessed 9.5.25)

‘The creativity is to choose words that touch the heart and mind’

Diyala Midhat, a community and educational psychologist based in Jerusalem, on what creativity means to her. As told to Aspa Paltoglou (Manchester Metropolitan University).

16 April 2025



I work in many different settings. In terms of community psychology, my professional experience was in refugee camps in West Bank and Jerusalem, and Palestinian NGOs organisations. In my practice, I work part-time and freelance. I run sessions with various groups, including teenagers and mothers, and sometimes groups of men. I see myself as a leader for social change.

My aim is to help groups reach their own goals. I organise sessions for different community groups, I implement psychoanalytic groups, educational groups, advocacy groups, and other initiatives. For example, I run 'from Personal Growth to Actionable Initiatives' for young people starting at university. These initiatives relate to the social problems that they are facing in their community and how they can lead the advocacy for change in this social problem that they are facing.

With mothers, most of my work is sharing practices for parenting, how to be a better parent, especially when you have passed through traumas and crises in Palestine. So I merge psychology and trauma informed practices to help people in my sessions.

I studied at Birziet University, gaining a BA in Psychology, High Diploma in educational psychology, and a Master's in community psychology. For the last five years I have been doing upper studies to specialise in educational psychology. In that line of work, I'm with schools mainly. We use a different perspective there. I work with schools to help schools implement systematic changes so that they offer better services to children. I also provide individual therapy for children who need therapy.

I am also involved in making Psycho Didactic tests. This is a kind of evaluation that we as educational psychologists make for children, where we evaluate their IQ, and try to explore any learning difficulties they might have. We examine difficulties in Arabic, mathematics, then we correlate it to the IQ. Based on our evaluation, we give recommendations to the schools about how they can help children with their education. If they have, for example, memory issues, then we can identify the issue, and give recommendations on how they can overcome it. Depending on what the results are, we give recommendations. Sometimes our recommendations might be to move the child to a class with fewer children. For example, we usually have between 30 and 40 pupils in a class. In the classes that provide extra support for learning difficulties, we have 8 to 12 students. If the child has very complex learning difficulties and we find that they cannot achieve or learn in a big group, we recommend taking them to a smaller group. After they finish the therapy in the smaller class, they can go back to the big class.

For me, creativity within the context of my work as a community and educational psychologist means a variety of things…
Language is a critical tool

One is that I can take all the theoretical background that I have, and be able to make it applicable for the situation that I'm working in. Language is a critical tool, and it is important to use appropriate language for the group of people I work with. The creativity is to choose words that touch the heart and mind of the person I have in front of me and help them to develop and make a change. So, my creativity is how can I merge my knowledge and my experience in my practice to address what the person in front of me needs, in a way that they can really feel it first. If they can feel it, then they can think differently about it, and then they can make a change.

As a practitioner psychologist, I feel I need to use language in a way that is near to the people. It is still a professional language, but it is direct and to the point. Sometimes I feel I need to have the courage to address and name the issues in a way that people can accept. It's not easy to tell a mother 'you know, your child has ADHD, that means such and such'… it's not an easy thing to do. But that's what we have to do in the field. If people understand it, they will go with you and will believe in the plan, and they will be part of the team.
Own the process

The second part is the ownership. I want the people I am trying to help to feel they own the process. If we are working together on a plan for a child, they are not just my patients. They are partners, and they are leading this change. If I am running a group awareness or advocacy group for mothers, I always address this with them: 'You are my partners. I'm learning from you, and you are learning from me. And what we are sharing will help the next generation.'

So, we relate it to ourselves, to our family, and then to our community. Then they feel 'wow, we are great people, if we do the change for ourselves, our children will get married and will affect their families and then our community will be better and…' Just dreaming in a therapeutic way is really motivating them to make the change. People need to dream. If they are dreaming, they will have a lot of energy to change for the dream. It is important that we can dream with them, and help them to fulfil those dreams.
We need to have fun

Thirdly, we need the process to be fun. We need to have fun. We live in a community that is facing many difficulties. If you come to Palestine, and you walk in the streets, you will sometimes wish to find someone who smiles. So when I run a group session, I dance myself, I sing with them. They will be shy at the beginning. But when they feel I am like them, I am a mother, I am wearing hijab like them, and I'm enjoying moving my body, dancing, singing, with a high voice, then I lower my voice and move in a way that is funny, and they start laughing and they start wishing to do the same like me.

In each meeting, we stand in a circle and do breathing and moving exercises, so we can release and free the body from all the tension that is coming from outside.

Other times, mostly with children, I would start in asking them to draw everything that they are coming with from the outside, and to get to the inside energy, freely, so that they are able to dream and free their minds from all the stressors that they are coming with, and to get a different experience. They need to feel the different vibe. Otherwise they won't continue with the group work. Sometimes I work with a group for 20 sessions. I need to make people trust me that it is worth doing 20 sessions, three hours each, and spending all this time on this. They need to feel that this day they dedicate to the session, it will have a positive effect on them. It will charge them with positive emotions, positive thoughts, and it will give them emotions and thoughts that they can use in their everyday life.

We are not talking about magic, and magical things, or things that they need to put a lot of effort to change. It's just the way of thinking about the trauma, or the crisis that they are living in, that might help them to get out of the circle that they are stuck in. And this is the creativity, to be able to see where people are standing, what the vibe is, how we can we change the vibe, so we can charge the energy in the room, and then you can feel, the circle is different. They will do the activities, they will do the breathing, they will give us the dancing, or they will choose the song that they will be preparing like. We will alternate – one time I will prepare, next time you will prepare the songs. So, they will also be leaders, in a way or another.
Visual arts

I also use visual arts in my practice. I use art therapy. One of my group activities that I used to do is asking people to take pictures from the community. It's called 'photovoice'. We ask them to take any photo that is stuck in their mind, and they will bring it and show it to the group, and then each child or each mother will talk about the picture and what it means to them.

Other times we use newspapers and we will ask parents or children to search this newspaper, and take the photos that match their personality and tell us a story about themselves, as if they were advertising themselves. From these photos, how would you explain things about yourself? They enjoy cutting the pictures, and you will see creativity in linking the pictures to their story. You will be surprised by the way they relate to these pictures. It is a really amazing activity.

Other times I'll bring watercolours, and I will ask them to draw holding the whole litre of water colour, and I will give them a very big roll of white paper, and ask them to draw together with the watercolour. Initially, they will just enjoy drawing. But then we might talk about limits and what limits mean for them. The lines they draw will be over each other's lines. We'll talk about their emotions – what does it means for them when somebody puts a line over their line, or they touch the area that they were drawing in? Then we will discuss how they feel about crossing the limits, how we should feel in the group if a person is sensitive to issues we discuss. What limits do they want in this group so that we will take care of each other? This creative activity allows people to open up. Arts make it easier for people to express themselves.
The plan is, there is no plan

I don't work by the book. I use these steps according to the need of the group. Sometimes we have standards for groups, or I go to an organisation and they will say 'give us a plan for each session, what you will do?' The first answer is 'I have no plan'. I don't plan for others. We build the plan together, me and the group. I need to do an assessment, I need to give them awareness about what we are going to do, they need to accept what I am proposing, or if they want to do this kind of process for therapy. And if they accept it, if they understand and if they are willing to do it, we can make a plan.

When I go to the young people we are working with and I tell them we will work together on the plan, they feel that something different is happening. No-one is dictating to them in a top-down way what they should learn, think or do. The community comes from the ground, and the experience they have in this group will likely affect how they communicate in other groups in life – husband, children, friends, family.

In Jerusalem, in Palestine mainly, NGOs come and think that people here don't know how to work in a group. I used to work with an organisation that wanted to work on coping skills for young people. They created several sessions, and made very specific recommendations for those activities. But sometimes the group doesn't need what they offer. The NGO insisted that we should do what we had planned, because that's what the donor suggested. I started realising that we should revolt against all these manuals and set plans, and we should instead focus on what the group needs. We should ask what they want, or don't want. People in these groups should be treated with respect: for their experience, their knowledge, their crises, their challenges.

We are an occupied community. And the occupation has put us under a lot of rules. They are taking our breath by making us follow the rules and putting lots of challenges over us. I don't think it helps if we do our psychological work in a similar way. When I started to do freelancing work, I told the organisations, the NGOs: if you want me as a freelancer psychologist, you need to give me some freedom and allow me to follow my rules. I've got the ideas, the knowledge, I am the expert. But all my expertise means nothing, if it is not fulfilling the needs of the groups.

In community psychology, one of the main things we learn is that we should contextualise the knowledge that we are bringing to the community. For example, if I go to Africa, I can't do psychoanalysis in Africa in the same way that I'm doing in Palestine. It's different. The language that I should use with African people is different than the language that I should use with Palestinian people. Words are very strong tools for change, but only when we understand the community and the culture, and then create the therapy accordingly. Otherwise, people will refuse us. And what we are doing there, we will not achieve.

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/creativity-choose-words-touch-heart-and-mind(accessed 6.05.25)

Aces & Disability

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0Y5AiulyM4

Caedsexuality - Understanding Trauma and Asexuality

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRdMCbdsIVI

Humans aren’t the only ones whose social circles shrink in old age

New comparative studies illustrate similar social dynamics elsewhere in the animal kingdom.

24 March 2025

By Emma Young


Previous research has shown that some other species — not just people — see their social networks shrink as they move into old age. Exactly why this should be has not been clear; we have some understanding of why it happens in humans, and what can be done to mitigate any negative effects, but why exactly it happens beyond our species has so far been a mystery. New research, however, poses a novel suggestion.

As Erin R Siracusa at the University of Exeter's School of Psychology and colleagues write in their recent paper in Philosophical Transactions B, though the benefits of social living are well established, "sociality also comes with costs, including infectious disease risks." The team reasoned that with increasing age, and a less effective immune system, the risks of spending time with lots of people might start to outweigh the benefits — and this could drive changes in behaviour.

To explore this idea, they first analysed data gathered on a well-studied population of rhesus macaques on Cayo Santiago, nicknamed 'Monkey Island', off the southeast coast of Puerto Rico. These monkeys were first brought to Cayo Santiago in 1938 from India, and there are now about 1800 individuals living in 12 social groups. They are looked after by the Caribbean Primate Research Center, which keeps daily tabs on them, and collects data on births, deaths, and group memberships.

The team focused on data from 2010 and 2022 on adult females from six social groups. By looking at the total amount of time these animals spent grooming or being groomed by another macaque and their total number of grooming partners, they plotted these individuals' social connections over time.

Then, they modelled the spread of a hypothetical respiratory virus through these social networks. This model took into account that older animals are more at risk of developing an infection; that they are likely to stay sick for longer than younger monkeys; and that they are likely to fall more seriously ill.

The team found that older macaques were, in fact, likely to suffer less from infectious disease — and this was mostly because they had smaller social networks.

"Our findings suggest a powerful reason why many animals, including humans, might reduce their social connections as they age," commented Siracusa, in a press release.

However, for some animals, at least, this may not be even an unconscious choice. In another recent paper, Julia Schroeder at Imperial College London and colleagues report the first evidence that with age, birds become less socially connected, too. This finding came from their analysis of six years' worth of social interaction data on a population of wild sparrows living on Lundy Island, in Devon, UK. Schroder and her colleagues found that as the birds got older, they interacted less overall with other birds, and they also interacted with fewer other individuals.

However, the team don't suggest that this might have reflected a drive to reduce infection risks. They think it could have happened because as older birds' 'friends' died off, their social network shrank. And, they add, while birds are capable of making new friends (or 'associates', as the researchers call them), with age, the costs of maintaining and making new connections might become greater, because they have to compete for associates with younger birds. More work is needed though, to explore this theory. "To fully understand the effects of demography on sociality, we need to better understand the changing costs and benefits across ages of maintaining and making new connections," Schroder and her colleagues write.

With more research, we should also get a better handle on all the reasons — and the potential pros, as well as the cons — for why older birds, monkeys, humans, as well as some other species, tend to have smaller social circles than they did when they were younger.

Read the first paper (preprint) here:
Siracusa, E. R., Pavez-Fox, M. A., Negron-Del Valle, J. E., Phillips, D., Platt, M. L., Snyder-Mackler, N., Higham, J. P., Brent, L. J. N., & Silk, M. J. (2024). Social ageing can protect against infectious disease in a group-living primate. BioRxiv : The Preprint Server for Biology, 2024.03.09.584237. https://doi.org/10.1101/2024.03.09.584237

Read the second paper here:
Schroeder, J., Dunning, J., Hoi, A., Janet, Y., & Burke, T. (2024). Not so social in old age: demography as one driver of decreasing sociality. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B Biological Sciences, 379(1916). https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2022.0458

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/humans-arent-only-ones-whose-social-circles-shrink-old-age(accessed 30.4.25)

Five new rules of first impressions

Emma Young digests the research.

07 February 2025

By Emma Young




First impressions have long been a mainstay of psychological research. In the past, much of the focus has been on how particular facial features influence our perceptions of how dominant others are, for example, or how trustworthy they appear to be.



But, as they tend to do, researchers are now digging deeper, exploring everything from which of our initial judgements are actually right to whether being snap-judged accurately is necessarily a good thing. To explore some of these new insights, we present our guide to five new rules of first impressions:
1. Facial first impressions are often wrong

In any given study, participants tend to rate the same faces as being more or less trustworthy, or dominant, or pleasant. This consistency might seem to suggest that we really are picking up on something about another person's personality from their face. Not so, according to work from Princeton University's Alexander Todorov and colleagues.

In work published in Nature Human Behaviour, they reveal that we tend to prefer faces that are closest to our own conception of what a typical face looks like. Not only that, but we feel more positively about people with such faces. So, though your face-based snap judgment might match a friend's, you're both likely to have gotten the wrong first impression.
2. 'Like yourself, and others will follow'

So reads the title of a 2024 paper which found that an individual's level of self-esteem affected other people's first impressions of their personalities. Lauren Gazzard Kerr and Lauren Human studied two groups: 378 strangers who took part in a speed-dating event, and just over 300 people who participated in platonic getting-to-know-you sessions.

All of these participants first completed general personality questionnaires and a measure of their self-esteem. Then, after each meeting, they reported on how much they liked - or were romantically interested in - the other person, and rated what they perceived their personality to be.



In the speed-dating group, the team found that the personalities of those with higher self-esteem were judged more accurately, though this didn't affect how much others liked them. However, when people accurately perceived the personality of someone with low self-esteem, whether in a romantic or platonic setting, they liked them less. In the platonic group, people perceived those with higher self-esteem more accurately and liked them more.

Though it may sound harsh, this work suggests that for people with low self-esteem, being perceived accurately in a romantic context might be unhelpful – assuming that their goal is to be liked. For these people, accurate first impressions may, as the researchers put it, 'reveal too much, too soon'.
3. Unhappier people are harder to read

In their drive to explore what it is that makes some people open books, while others are harder to read, Lauren Gazzard Kerr and Lauren Human explored whether differences in wellbeing might matter, too. This experiment involved a speed-dating study in which 372 participants took part in a total of more than 4,700 individual dates. All had first completed a personality questionnaire and reported on their general wellbeing.

After each meeting, they rated their partner's personality. The researchers found that, overall, the speed-daters' first impressions of each other's personalities weren't very accurate. That said, some individuals were consistently judged more accurately – those with higher self-reported wellbeing scores. Overall, these people were easier to read, the team concluded, with less happy people being trickier to judge – though further work will have to explore exactly why this might be.


4. We're bad at knowing if we've made a good first impression

One of the most uplifting findings in the field of first impressions comes from well-publicised studies of both adults and children, which concluded that after a first meeting, other people tend to like us more than we think. A 2024 paper from Eva Bleckmann at the University of Hamburg and colleagues, though, set out to find why some people are more likely than others to expect to be liked – and to explore how these perceptions of being liked (or not) change during the course of a first meeting.



The team studied almost 300 adolescents, all of whom completed personality questionnaires before talking to each other for the first time. During these 60 to 90-minute meetings, they repeatedly rated how much they thought the others liked them. Before the meeting started, those who scored higher in extraversion and self-esteem and lower in neuroticism were most confident that they would be liked.

These three factors had the same influence on their perceptions of their like-ability at the end of the first phase of the meeting, during which they introduced themselves, From this point on, though, personality characteristics stopped playing a role. Instead, other factors – presumably, the responses of the other kids – had a bigger impact on changes in these perceptions.




5. First impressions online aren't necessarily any worse



These days, most of us are familiar with meeting people for the first time in a video call, rather than in person. Given that these meetings are often business-related, researchers have been very curious about how such online settings might affect first impressions, and so potentially affect workplace collaborations or even success in job interviews.



Work published in 2023 by a Durham University team led by Abi Cook found that what our background looks like matters. Ratings collected during a series of Zoom meetings revealed people who had plants or a bookcase in the background were rated as being more trustworthy and more competent than people with a living room or a 'comedic' background.

This study also found that women participating in video calls were consistently viewed as being more trustworthy and competent than men, regardless of their background – and, for men and women, smiling boosted these ratings.



One common concern about online meetings is, though, that it can seem harder to judge a person's personality via a screen. However, this concern was not supported by the findings of a 2024 study led by Marie-Catherine Mignault at Cornell University. In this work, the team found that overall, participants were able to perceive each other's unique personality just as well on Zoom as in person – and that they liked each other just as well.





Overall, the breadth of this research certainly shows that the field of first impressions is still going strong. And as researchers dig deeper, new questions are emerging. These might be five new rules of first impressions – but they certainly won't be the last.

SOURCE:

https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/five-new-rules-first-impressions(accessed 22.04.25)

O ρόλος του νονού: Σημασία δεν έχουν τα δώρα, αλλά η επικοινωνία

Ο ρόλος του νονού δεν είναι και ο ευκολότερος στον κόσμο. Ή μάλλον δεν είναι ο ίδιος για όλους τους ανθρώπους.

ΓΡΑΦΕΙ: The Mamagers Team - 16 ΑΠΡΙΛΙΟΥ, 2025





Είναι ίσως από τα πρώτα πράγματα που σκέφτεσαι όταν γεννάς. Συχνά το έχεις ήδη κουβεντιάσει (με τους υποψηφίους) όταν το μωρό είναι ακόμη μέσα στην κοιλιά. Για να έχεις το κεφάλι σου ήσυχο.

Ο ρόλος του νονού δεν είναι και ο ευκολότερος στον κόσμο. Ή μάλλον δεν είναι ο ίδιος για όλους τους ανθρώπους.


Άλλοι το έχουν κάνει κάτι σαν επάγγελμα και άλλοι έχουν αποφασίσει να δεσμευθούν για μία μόνο φορά προκειμένου να είναι όσο συνεπείς θα ήθελαν.

Το χειρότερο είναι όταν κάποιος με τον οποίο δεν έχεις και τις καλύτερες σχέσεις σού προτείνει να βαφτίσει το παιδί σου ή να "βάλεις" λάδι εσύ στο δικό του, χωρίς όμως να είναι αμοιβαίο το στοιχείο της εκτίμησης.


Μιλάμε για σχέση ζωής, όχι για μια τελετουργία που γίνεται για μία φορά μέσα στην εκκλησία, με λίγους ή περισσότερους μάρτυρες και τελειώνει η ιστορία. Όχι, όχι. Η ιστορία έχει μόλις αρχίσει.

Ο άνθρωπος ή οι άνθρωποι που αναλαμβάνουν να γίνουν νονοί ενός παιδιού θεωρούνται πνευματικοί γονείς του από τη στιγμή που γεννιέται.

Πρόκειται για σχέση στοργής, που απαιτεί δουλειά απ' όλες τις πλευρές.

Το πρόβλημα είναι ότι η συγκεκριμένη ιστορία δεν έχει πάντα αίσιο τέλος.
Ας δούμε πρώτα την πλευρά των γονιών.

Τι ζητούν οι γονείς από τον νονό. Καταρχάς να έχει επαφή με το παιδί. Να μην το δει για πρώτη και τελευταία φορά στο μυστήριο. Να παρέχει τα απαραίτητα την ημέρα της βάφτισης. Να θυμάται πότε γιορτάζει και πότε έχει γενέθλια. Να έχει ουσιαστική επικοινωνία μαζί του, σε όλα τα στάδια της ηλικίας του. Να μη θεωρεί ότι με ένα δώρο τα Χριστούγεννα και μια λαμπάδα κι ένα σοκολατένιο αυγό ή ένα ζευγάρι παπούτσια το Πάσχα έχει ολοκληρώσει τις υποχρεώσεις του.
Νονοί για κλάματα

Είναι λίγες οι φορές - δυστυχώς - που ο ρόλος του νονού ή της νονάς γίνεται όπως θα έπρεπε, έτσι ώστε και το παιδί να μπορεί να βασιστεί και σε κάποιον τρίτο, σε κάποιον που θεωρεί δικό του άνθρωπο, όταν η μαμά ή ο μπαμπάς δεν μπορούν να το καταλάβουν. Έχουμε δει να χαλούν κουμπαριές επειδή τσακώθηκαν οι ενήλικες. Να ξηλώνονται φωτογραφικά άλμπουμ και να γίνεται φωτομοντάζ για να πιστεύει το παιδάκι ότι ο νονός του είναι κάποιος άλλος τελικά. Να έχει προγραμματιστεί να γίνει βάφτιση σε νησί και να τσακώνεται η μητέρα με τη μέλλουσα νονά και να βρίσκεται τελικά στην κολυμπήθρα η επιλογή της τελευταίας στιγμής.

Έχουμε ακούσει για νονούς που δεν ξανασυνάντησαν τα βαφτιστήρια τους και τους γονείς τους.
Ποιους εξαιρούμε;

Τους νονούς - θείους, μαζί και τις νονές - θείες. Όσους βλέπουν ακόμη τα βαφτιστήρια τους κι ας έχουν ασπρίσει τα μαλλιά και των δύο. Όσους δεν αγοράζουν σταυρό επειδή προσβλέπουν σε μια οικονομική συμφωνία. Τις νονές που πιστεύουν στις καλές νεράιδες του παραμυθιού, όπως τις τρεις στρουμπουλές κυρίες στην "Ωραία κοιμωμένη" και τώρα πιστεύουν στην καλή "ντεϊντέι" και τα βαφτιστήρια τους. Είναι η νονά τους.
Πάντα άξιος! Δύσκολη η ανταπόκριση

Ακόμα κι ένας νονός μπορεί να έχει τα παράπονά του. Να έχει "μετανιώσει" για την επιλογή του ή να μην ήταν έτοιμος για μια τέτοια ευθύνη. Να μην έχει παιδιά, αλλά ούτε και τη διάθεση να μάθει πώς είναι να φροντίζεις και να νοιάζεσαι για ένα μικρό ή μεγάλο παιδί. Να μη θέλει να ξοδεύει μια περιουσία για τα πανάκριβα ρούχα που μπορεί ν'απαιτεί, με διακριτικό τρόπο, η μαμά για το τέκνο της. Ή ν'αγοράσει το - εκτός προϋπολογισμού - ηλεκτρονικό παιχνίδι που ζητάει επίμονα ο 12χρονος Φίλιππος επειδή βαρέθηκε να παίζει με την επαγγελματική κιθάρα που του έκανε δώρο ο νονός τα Χριστούγεννα.

Σίγουρα είναι μεγάλο το βάρος να ξέρεις ότι στην περίπτωση που πάθει κάτι ο γονιός, αναλαμβάνεις εσύ ως πνευματικός πατέρας. Δεν θα έπρεπε να υπάρχουν μόνο καθήκοντα και ευθύνες στον ρόλο του νονού. Είναι βασικό να είναι ένας άνθρωπος που αγαπάει τα παιδιά, γι' αυτό και δεν κάνει τίποτα καταναγκαστικά. Εκείνος που απλώς πάντρεψε το ζευγάρι και νιώθει την υποχρέωση να βαφτίσει και το πρώτο τους παιδί μπορεί να μην είναι τελικά και ο καταλληλότερος.
Ο "σωστός" νονός θα πρέπει να είναι στο πλάι του παιδιού όσο μεγαλώνει και σε κάθε σημαντική στιγμή γι' αυτό.

Να είναι ο καλύτερος και πιο έμπιστος φίλος του. Ο ανάδοχος θα πρέπει να ξέρει τι πρέπει να κάνει χωρίς να του το έχει υποδείξει κανείς. Οι κοινωνικοπολιτικοί λόγοι δεν αφορούν κανένα. Ούτε οι οικονομικές συναλλαγές. Σημασία δεν έχουν τα δώρα, αλλά η επικοινωνία. Τα ρούχα δεν ενδιαφέρουν κανένα παιδί και ένα παιχνίδι είναι σίγουρα προτιμότερο. Καλύτερα ακόμη, μια βόλτα ή μια εκδρομή μαζί, πολύ απλά γιατί θα χαροποιήσει στ' αλήθεια τον άμεσα ενδιαφερόμενο.

Πάντα άξιοι; Όχι απαραίτητα. Δικαιολογίες δεν υπάρχουν. Τουλάχιστον όχι για τα παιδιά, που δεν θέλουν να ακούν λόγια του αέρα. Νονός δεν γίνεσαι με το ζόρι. Αν πεις το "ναι", δεν υπάρχει επιστροφή.

Πείτε καλύτερα "απεταξάμην". Πριν από την εκκλησία.

Γράφει η Σάντυ Τσαντάκη

ΠΗΓΗ:

https://www.themamagers.gr/family/38976/noni-simasia-den-echoun-ta-dora-alla-i-epikinonia(accessed 22.04.25)