Podcast:
SOURCE:
https://www.alexiantaffi.com/podcast(accessed 29.07.25)
Tuesday, 29 July 2025
Gender creative parenting: a conversation with Kyl Myers
Gender creative parenting: a conversation with Kyl Myers
Monday, 28 July 2025
Is there a psychological vaccine against untruths?
Psychologist Greta Arancia Sanna asks what keeps us clinging to misinformation and if psychology can help us to loosen our grip.
17 July 2025
The other day, I was in the back of a cab on my way to King's Cross, staring out at the quiet hum of London in the early morning light. To keep myself awake, I struck up a conversation with the driver, commenting on the Senegalese election updates playing softly on the radio. He immediately lit up, eager to talk about his home country, which he had left seven years ago to study pharmacology. We chatted about the highs and lows of integrating into a new country, the challenges of being away from home, and eventually, the conversation turned to the pandemic. And then he said it.
He told me he didn't believe in the Covid-19 vaccine. That it had catastrophic side effects, that people were dying from it, that the government was covering it up. He insisted the vaccine hadn't been tested long enough, that it caused autism, and that he would never take it.
I was caught off guard. Here was someone educated in pharmacology, a field deeply rooted in scientific evidence, and yet he was repeating widely debunked claims. I wanted to counter with data, peer-reviewed studies, reports from medical institutions. But before I could, King's Cross came into view.
As I boarded the Eurostar, I couldn't stop thinking about that conversation. Was he simply irrational? Or was something else at play?
Can we really believe what we want?
Beliefs have fascinated researchers for years, especially when they appear to be resistant to change. We often assume people believe what is convenient for them and refuse to update their views when faced with valid evidence. But can we choose what to believe? If I asked you to close your eyes and convince yourself that the Earth is flat, you'd probably find it impossible. Even if you repeated it over and over, you couldn't truly believe something you know to be false.
And yet, in other domains, particularly those tied to politics, health, or identity, beliefs can seem remarkably entrenched. Climate change deniers, for example, are often accused of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence. But misinformation isn't limited to extreme cases. Many of us have, at some point, unknowingly believed false claims; like the myth that sugar makes kids hyperactive or that we only use 10% of our brains. These ideas persist, not because people deliberately choose to ignore the facts, but because repetition and familiarity can make falsehoods feel intuitively true (Lewandowsky et al., 2017).
The Continued Influence Effect (CIE) suggests that people continue to rely on misinformation even after it has been corrected because once misinformation fills a gap in our mental model, it's hard to erase. If we accept that a widely publicised claim is false, we are left without a satisfying alternative explanation, and the original, even if incorrect, remains cognitively comfortable (Rich & Zaragoza, 2016).
The role of source credibility in belief updating
As part of my PhD research at University College London (UCL), published in Cognition (Sanna & Lagnado, 2025), I investigated how the perceived reliability of a source affects belief revision. What if people don't reject misinformation because they are incapable of updating their beliefs, but because they don't trust the correction?
In my study, participants were presented with a vignette about a fictional political candidate named Henry Light. Initially well-regarded, Henry is later accused of taking a bribe. Eventually, this accusation is corrected by one of six possible sources: three seen as reliable, including a prosecutor and a government report, and three viewed as unreliable, including a political satire news channel and a celebrity.
Participants were more likely to dismiss the bribery claim when the correction came from a trusted source. When the retraction came from a less reliable one, they held onto the original accusation. In other words, rejecting a correction from a dubious source can be a reasonable judgment, not an irrational one.
In a second version of the study, all sources were identified as prosecutors, but some were described as experienced and reputable, while others had no experience and professional misconduct records. Again, participants only altered their beliefs when the correction came from the more credible source. Moreover, when the initial misinformation came from a highly trusted prosecutor and the correction from a less reliable one, participants continued to rely on the original claim to inform their judgement.
These findings challenge the assumption that people cling to misinformation because they're biased or irrational. Instead, they seem to apply a consistent logic to belief updating, weighing new information based on who delivers it and on previous evidence collected about the claim. In this vein, while people might increase their belief that the bribery occurred if a reliable prosecutor makes and accusation, they also might decrease their perception of the reliability of the prosecutor if she makes a statement, they find unlikely based on what they already know; for example, if they had every reason to believe the politician would not take a bribe.
This rational approach to belief updating is echoed by recent studies using computational models. For example, Connor Desai and colleagues (2020) used Bayesian network models to show that individuals update their beliefs in a way that reflects the perceived diagnosticity of the evidence, rather than simply rejecting inconvenient truths. This was found to be the case even in highly politicised settings (Ecker et al., 2021).
How we can we tackle misinformation?
If we want to tackle misinformation, we need to move beyond simply providing factual corrections. Instead, we should focus on making corrections persuasive by considering:Source credibility – Are corrections coming from sources people already trust?
Worldview – Is the message aligned with individuals' pre-existing beliefs?
Alternative explanations – If misinformation is filling a knowledge gap, what better explanation can we offer?
Recent studies on AI-driven belief correction show that when people engage in personalised, evidence-based dialogue, even with a machine, they are willing to revise entrenched views (Costello et al., 2024). This suggests that the format and tone of a correction matter as much as the facts themselves.
Interventions could also focus on building long-term trust in institutions. A global survey found that 83% of respondents believe scientists should communicate their work to the public, and 52% favour greater involvement in policymaking (Cologna et al., 2025). This points to a strong public appetite for science engagement. Efforts like community science events, transparent policymaking, and accessible communication can help bridge the credibility gap.
Is there a psychological vaccine against untruths?
One promising strategy is 'prebunking': pre-emptively exposing people to the techniques used to spread misinformation. Much like a vaccine, these interventions help people build mental defences before they encounter false claims. For example, Lewandowsky and Van Der Linden (2021) developed short videos that warn viewers about misleading tactics like emotional manipulation or false consensus. These videos have been shown to reduce susceptibility to misinformation.
Researchers have also designed interactive tools like the Go Viral! game, where players take on the role of a misinformer to learn how fake news spreads. By actively participating in the creation of misinformation in a controlled setting, players become better at spotting deceptive tactics in real life. This 'active inoculation' approach has been shown to significantly reduce belief in false claims. That said, one key limitation of these findings is that, while the techniques might reduce individuals' susceptibility to fake news, they don't necessarily improve true versus fake news discernment, which might lead to scepticism towards all news, independent of their veracity. These initiatives not only need to reduce our belief in fake news, but they should also avoid reducing our beliefs in true news.
When it comes to misinformed beliefs, it is crucial not to be persuaded by overly simplistic initiatives that view information as uniquely beneficial or harmful. Beliefs are not independent entities but constellations of complex networks and no one-size-fits-all solution will solve all our problems. Which brings us to our final point.
Critical thinking and epistemic humility
Beyond prebunking, we should support broader efforts to foster critical thinking and what psychologists call epistemic humility: the ability to recognise our own limits and remain open to the possibility that we might be wrong (Karabegovic & Mercier, 2024).
One effective method is early education in media literacy. Programmes like the Stanford Civic Online Reasoning curriculum teaches students to evaluate online information by checking other sources and reading laterally (McGrew et al., 2019). Brief interventions, as short as one hour, have been shown to improve students' ability to resist misinformation.
These skills are not just about identifying errors. They build a mindset of curiosity, reflection, and self-correction; key traits in an age of information overload. Cultivating these habits early could help create a generation better equipped to navigate a complex and often misleading digital world (Lewandowsky et al., 2017).
Thinking back to my conversation with the cab driver, I doubt anything I said in that moment would have convinced him to get vaccinated. But I also don't believe his mind is beyond changing. His scepticism was coming not from blind denial, but from a lack of trust in the sources promoting vaccination. If he were presented with persuasive, credible evidence from someone he trusted, I believe he could change his mind.
And if that's the case, perhaps the way we fight misinformation needs to change too.
Greta Sanna is a PhD student in Experimental Psychology working with the Psychology and Language Sciences department (PALS) at UCL.
Further ReadingCologna, V., Mede, N. G., Berger, S., Besley, J., Brick, C., Joubert, M., ... & Metag, J. (2025). Trust in scientists and their role in society across 68 countries. Nature Human Behaviour, 1-18.
Connor Desai, S. A., Pilditch, T. D., & Madsen, J. K. (2020). The rational continued influence of misinformation. Cognition, 205, 104453. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cognition.2020.104453
Costello, T. H., Pennycook, G., & Rand, D. G. (2024). Durably reducing conspiracy beliefs through dialogues with AI. Science, 385(6714), eadq1814. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.adq1814
Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Stanford University Press.
Guillory, J. J., & Geraci, L. (2010). The persistence of inferences in memory for younger and older adults: Remembering facts and believing inferences. Psychonomic Bulletin & Review, 17(1), 73–81. https://doi.org/10.3758/PBR.17.1.73
Harris, A. J. L., Hahn, U., Madsen, J. K., & Hsu, A. S. (2016). The Appeal to Expert Opinion: Quantitative Support for a Bayesian Network Approach. Cognitive Science, 40(6), 1496–1533. https://doi.org/10.1111/cogs.12276
Johnson, H. M., & Seifert, C. M. (1994). Sources of the continued influence effect: When misinformation in memory affects later inferences. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition, 20(6), 1420–1436.
Johnson, M. K., Hashtroudi, S., & Lindsay, D. S. (1993). Source monitoring. Psychological Bulletin, 114(1), 3–28.
Karabegovic, M., & Mercier, H. (2024). The reputational benefits of intellectual humility. Review of Philosophy and Psychology, 15(2), 483-498.
Kunda, Z. (1990). The case for motivated reasoning. Psychological Bulletin, 108(3), 480–498.
Lewandowsky, S., & Van Der Linden, S. (2021). Countering misinformation and fake news through inoculation and prebunking. European review of social psychology, 32(2), 348-384.
Lewandowsky, S., Ecker, U. K. H., & Cook, J. (2017). Beyond Misinformation: Understanding and Coping with the "Post-Truth" Era. Journal of Applied Research in Memory and Cognition, 6(4), 353–369.
Lewandowsky, S., Stritzke, W. G. K., Oberauer, K., & Morales, M. (2005). Memory for fact, fiction, and misinformation. Psychological Science, 16(3), 190–195. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0956-7976.2005.00802.x
Madsen, J. (2016). Trump supported it?! A Bayesian source credibility model applied to appeals to specific American presidential candidates' opinions. Cognitive Science. https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Trump-supportedit!-A-Bayesian-source-credibilityMadsen/ccdbba50f93e81fdcb88b94828d68a760568d367
McGrew, S., Breakstone, J., Ortega, T., Smith, M., & Wineburg, S. (2019). Can students evaluate online sources? Learning from assessments of civic online reasoning. Theory & Research in Social Education, 47(2), 165–193. https://doi.org/10.1080/00933104.2019.1586611
Merdes, C., von Sydow, M., & Hahn, U. (2021). Formal models of source reliability. Synthese, 198(23), 5773– 5801. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11229-020-02595-2 Nyhan, B., & Reifler, J. (2010). When corrections fail: The persistence of political misperceptions. Political Behavior, 32(3), 303–330. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11109-010-9112- 2
Nyhan, B., & Reifler, J. (2010). When corrections fail: The persistence of political misperceptions. Political Behavior, 32(3), 303–330. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11109-010-9112- 2
Rich, P. R., & Zaragoza, M. S. (2016). The continued influence of implied and explicitly stated misinformation in news reports. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition, 42(1), 62–74. https://doi.org/10.1037/xlm0000155
Sanna, G. A., & Lagnado, D. (2025). Belief updating in the face of misinformation: The role of source reliability. Cognition, 258, 106090. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cognition.2024.106090
Sommer, J., Musolino, J., & Hemmer, P. (2024). Updating, evidence evaluation, and operator availability: A theoretical framework for understanding belief. Psychological Review, 131(2), 373.
SOURCE:
Friday, 18 July 2025
TikTok science is making you overconfident
Easy-to-understand shortform science videos can lead people to overestimate their scientific abilities, according to a new study.
14 July 2025
By Emily Reynolds
Presenting complex material clearly is a key part of good science communications: a way for the general public, who may lack the high-level knowledge of experts, to understand and engage with important (or even just interesting) scientific information. With TikTok, Instagram Reels, YouTube, and other platforms, scientists and science communicators have ready-made audiences with whom to share their knowledge.
Simplifying scientific material too much in order to fit the short video format, however, may have unintended consequences. That's according to a new study in Frontiers Psychology, led by the University of Cologne's Sara Salzmann. Her team looks at short, entertaining online science videos, finding that the most easily understood video summaries can lead people to feel more confident in their own ability to evaluate the study themselves, even if they had no specialist knowledge.
Participants were 179 university students, mostly in their mid-20s and from non-psychology disciplines, to avoid specialist knowledge of the topics covered in the study. They were randomly assigned to watch one of two types of animated videos based on real psychology studies: either plain language summaries using everyday language, or scientific abstracts using academic terminology. Half of the participants in each group also watched a short educational video beforehand which explained the 'easiness effect', a common bias where people are more likely to trust information that's easier to understand, as well as overestimate their understanding of the study.
Each participant viewed four videos from their assigned condition, then rated how credible they found the research, how confident they felt in judging its accuracy, and how likely they were to seek more information, comment, or share the video online. By comparing responses between the groups, the researchers aimed to understand whether simplified videos disproportionately inflated people's confidence, and whether the de-biasing video would help to reduce that effect by giving participants context for their self-belief.
The results found that the plain language summaries did lead to a better understanding of scientific content, and were also seen as more credible. There was also evidence of the 'easiness effect', with participants also having greater confidence in their ability to evaluate the study themselves after watching these plain language summaries — regardless of whether or not they had been made aware of the bias beforehand.
Interestingly, however, participants were not more likely to make decisions like sharing content based on plain language summaries. This, the team says, suggests a more general caution about actually acting on scientific information without further input: "making decisions involves a certain level of commitment, which participants might have been hesitant to express," they write.
The study had a few limitations, the first of which is that intentions were self-reported and may not actually reflect real world behaviour. The sample was also undiverse, made up of highly educated young people, and other variables were also unaccounted for: political orientation or prior trust in science and social media weren't explored but may have influenced results. Future research could explore these factors.
Overall, however, the study's results do suggest that short, plain language animated videos may be an incredibly useful tool for disseminating scientific content and enhancing the engagement of the general public. We may need to be cautious too, though: while making science easier to understand can boost trust and accessibility, it may also lead people to overestimate their ability to critically evaluate research, potentially fuelling the spread of misinformation. Going forward, researchers may want to explore what shapes how people respond to scientific content — and to ensure that efforts to make science more accessible don't come at the cost of genuine understanding.
Read the paper in full:
Salzmann, S., Walther, C., & Kaspar, K. (2025). A new dimension of simplified science communication: the easiness effect of science popularization in animated video abstracts. Frontiers in Psychology, 16. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1584695
SOURCE:
Students’ personalities change over the course of semesters
A new study finds students become less conscientious, open, and agreeable as term time wears on.
10 July 2025
By Emily Reynolds
Those that go to university or college often feel like they rapidly grow into new versions of themselves in this new and challenging environment. As such, the extent to which being in a fresh educational landscape causes shifts in our personality, and how, is the subject of some research interest.
Proponents of the Personality Stability Perspective believe that personality doesn't change all that much, with shifts only really perceivable when we observe traits over years. On the flip side, the Situational Perspective posits that there's variation in our personalities day-to-day, and even hour-to-hour, depending on the situational context we find ourselves in. Those who look at personality from a developmental standpoint also point to evidence that personality traits shift as we mature — especially as we adapt to social role changes when we reach adulthood and navigate transitional periods.
Writing in Frontiers in Psychology, Stephanie M. Anglin and colleagues put these perspectives head to head, investigating a particularly relevant period for potential personality change: the first semester of the school year. They discover that student personality does shift as they transition to college life, along with changes in wellbeing, social support, and health behaviours — insights that could prove useful for educators and universities seeking to better support student mental health.
Participants were 282 U.S. college students, recruited during the autumn term of 2023, who completed surveys at two points: early (weeks 2–3) and two-thirds through the semester (weeks 8–9). At each point, they completed the Big Five Inventory (a measure of five core aspects of personality), as well as reported on various aspects of their wellbeing and social life, health behaviours, academic engagement, and extracurricular activities.
In a finding which may not shock many students, participants' wellbeing seemed to decline across the semester, with students reporting feeling less happy and satisfied, and more stressed as time wore on. Their sleep and exercise routines also suffered, though the health of their diets remained the same across both timepoints.
Perhaps surprisingly, though, students didn't report spending any more time studying as the term progressed (though they were more likely to be absent from class). In general, they also spent less time with friends, their social support suffered, and relationship conflict rose. Personality traits were consistently related to these changes: more neurotic students were more stressed and less happy, while the more extraverted and conscientious had better wellbeing and healthier habits.
When comparing data from early and late semester, the team observed some changes in participants' Big Five personality scores. The dimensions of neuroticism and extraversion largely stayed the same, but students showed meaningful decreases in conscientiousness (as the Situational Perspective would predict, with students getting increasingly comfortable with their new situation), openness, and agreeableness. These changes to openness and agreeableness, the authors share, were unpredicted by all three existing theories of short term personality change.
While it's difficult to pinpoint exactly what might lead to such a shift, the authors suggest that it could be down to students starting the term with greater openness to new environments and relationships, and this enthusiasm may gradually taper off over time. Or, they suggest, it could be that the increasing social and academic demands of college life start to undermine these traits.
Interestingly, there was significant variability between participants: though overall trends did point to specific shifts, students differed in the degree to which their personalities actually changed, suggesting that some may be more reactive to situational pressures than others. Future research could explore what individual, social, and structural factors help explain these differences.
Despite being interesting, the findings should be interpreted carefully, the team warns. Participants were asked to reflect on their personality "over the past week", meaning their responses may have been shaped by extremely short-term changes in mood or memory. The study also had some selection bias: students who dropped out after the first survey tended to report much more negative experiences, meaning the final sample may not be fully representative.
Still, the research offers valuable insights into the pressures students face at a key transitional moment: while short-term declines in some traits may reflect temporary disruptions, they don't necessarily signal longer-term problems. Recognising these patterns may help educators, mental health professionals, and institutions better support students through the ebb and flow of academic life.
Read the paper in full:
Anglin, S. M., Rubinstein, R. S., Haraden, D. A., Otten, C. D., Mangracina, B., & Shaw, K. M. (2025). Personality stability and change across the academic semester. Frontiers in Psychology, 16. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1531794
SOURCE:
https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/students-personalities-change-over-course-semesters(accessed 18.07.25)
Monday, 14 July 2025
When you love someone with a mental illness or history of trauma
Daughter/mother, clinical psychologist/advocate-educator team Michelle D Sherman (PhD LP ABPP; pictured, left) and DeAnne M Sherman (right), with a new resource.
11 June 2025
Loving someone with a mental illness or history of trauma can be challenging and demanding. When your loved one is doing well, you may feel calm and hopeful; however, watching them struggle can be immensely painful. You may dedicate a lot of time and energy to supporting your loved one, and it can be easy to neglect your own feelings and needs. Further, many families suffer in silence which can magnify confusion, isolation, and pain.
We, a daughter/mother, clinical psychologist/advocate-educator team in Minnesota (USA), have been creating resources for families for 20 years. Our new release, Loving someone with a mental illness or history of trauma: Skills, hope, and strength for your journey (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2025) aims to educate, comfort, validate, and empower families.
It's a book for family members and friends who care about an adult who has a mental illness or has experienced trauma. We specifically address major depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, schizophrenia, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Why did we write this book?
We ground this book in both our personal lived experiences and in Michelle's 30+ years of clinical experience working with individuals, couples, and families who live with a variety of mental illnesses.
In my (Michelle)'s work across diverse settings, including as the director of the Family Mental Health Program in a VA Medical Center, I have been repeatedly struck by how many family members/friends feel invisible. They frequently work tirelessly to support their loved one, but their experience and efforts are often ignored.
Inspired by this awareness and desiring to help, in the late 1990s I created family education programs regarding mental illness/PTSD. In facilitating these group sessions, I was in awe of what transpired among these families, including the power of connection, the ability to be understood, and the knowledge that they are not alone. Group participants were often hungry to learn new skills and to both give and receive support from other families.
For a wide variety of reasons, many caregivers never access a support group or therapist. Stigma, schedules, access, insurance coverage, waiting lists, and lack of awareness are but a few of the barriers that keep people from getting support.
I wanted to try to emulate and translate some of the in-person experiences into a book format, hoping to broaden access to the skills, information, and sense of feeling seen. So, I approached my mother (an advocate and educator) and asked her to join me in the writing process… and she said yes! Loving someone with a mental illness or history of trauma is the result of our collaboration and reflects our commitment to seeing and supporting caregivers. We hope readers experience it as a 'support group in a book', as it is filled with not only research-based skills, but passages from families with lived experience who generously allowed us to share their stories in their own words.
Equally importantly in our writing process, we drew upon our own lived experiences as we journey with family members and friends who have a mental illness or have experienced trauma. Our lived experiences inform every angle of our work; they highlight the considerable gap in the available resources, ignite and sustain our passion, motivate us to produce the best possible work, and make our writing especially meaningful.
How is our book different?
Although many valuable books explain various aspects of mental illness, we wrote this book specifically for family members/friends… providing hope and strength for their journey. It's important for caregivers to be seen and to have their experience validated.
We offer opportunities to reflect on thoughts and feelings, including open-ended questions, interactive activities, and checklists. Writing can provide a chance to name, organise, and process experiences. Research has found many benefits of writing about deeply personal emotions and thoughts, such as decreasing blood pressure, strengthening your immune system, decreasing depression and anxiety, and improving sleep and overall well-being. Writing can also provide the opportunity to find deeper meaning in the challenges and perhaps understand the situation from a new perspective.
No easy solutions
We do not strive to provide all the answers; easy solutions simply don't exist for complicated situations. However, we do offer a great deal of information, empowering and practical skills, up-to-date resources, and optional interactive activities to guide you in reflecting on your feelings and experiences. The information and recommendations are grounded in research, in principles of self-compassion, and in the evidence-based therapy models of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Specifically, readers can:Learn tools to cope with difficult emotions
Reflect on strategies to empower your loved one
Acquire skills for strengthening your relationship with your loved one, including communication and limit-setting skills
Consider how stigma and discrimination around mental illness have affected you and your loved one
Learn strategies to support your children and help them cope effectively
Explore ways of managing common challenges, such as when your loved one declines professional help or misuses alcohol or drugs
Understand how your loved one's traumatic experiences can impact you and your relationship, and how the two of you can work together as a team
Find ways to build your personal resilience and be compassionate with yourself
In summary, we balance straightforward, research-based information and recommendations with an empathic voice to attempt to connect with both minds and hearts. We strive to create a space in which readers can move beyond simply learning facts to courageously and honestly looking at their experience. In addition to presenting strategies grounded in science, we offer recommendations and tools that have helped other families.
What about the kids?
We have also been writing books for 20 years for teens whose parent manages a mental illness or history of trauma. These young people are at increased risk of developing mental health problems themselves, but are sadly often invisible. Our most recent book, I'm not alone: A teen's guide to living with a parent who has a mental illness or history of trauma (2nd edition, 2024), helps to fill the significant gap in resources for these youth. To learn more, see sample pages, and check out other resources we have developed, see our website.
What follows is an extract from Loving Someone with a Mental Illness or History of Trauma by Michelle D. Sherman, PhD, ABPP, and DeAnne M. Sherman. Copyright 2025. Published with permission of Johns Hopkins University Press.
Eight ways to support your kids and help them cope
Figuring out how care for your partner, your kids, and yourself can be a lot to juggle, especially during rocky times. The good news is that kids are pretty resilient! The majority of children raised in families managing a mental illness do well. Research has found that resilient children tend to have strong social support, a sense of purpose, hope and optimism, active coping skills, a sense of belonging, good problem-solving skills, and the ability to regulate their emotions. So, although having a parent with a mental illness can be a bumpy road, most children cope effectively.
However, we know that these youth are at higher risk for developing emotional problems themselves. It's impossible to predict if any particular child will develop a mental illness because so many different factors come into play. Importantly, parents can take specific steps to help their kids, including teaching them how to understand and cope with feelings, recognizing early signs of more serious problems, and seeking treatment early. All of these steps can help children's long-term well-being.
Although an in-depth exploration of how to support children is beyond the scope of this book, we offer eight suggestions to help you as parents and to foster resilience in your kids.Take care of yourself. The single best thing you can do as a parent is to take care of your own well-being. Being good to yourself helps you be present for your kids. You are being a good parent when you are intentional about self-care. Not only are you improving yourself, but you are also being a good role model for your child. So, instead of feeling guilty for doing that yoga class after work, remember that committing this time for yourself is actually good for everyone!
Spend time alone with your child regularly. It can be helpful to schedule one on one time with your child on a regular basis. Your child can look forward to that quality time together. Although you may occasionally have serious conversations, dedicating this time to playing, having fun, and hanging out can strengthen your relationship. Of course, what you do together and the frequency of the shared time depend on their developmental level. (Some teenagers are most ready to talk at midnight!) You know your child and can suggest activities they will enjoy doing with you.
Talk openly about the mental illness and offer information in bite-size chunks, using language your kids can understand. Children are perceptive. Although they may not fully understand what they see and feel, they usually sense when someone is struggling. As children fear what they don't understand and often blame themselves, it's important for them to know what is going on. We believe it's important to be open and honest, using developmentally appropriate language. By naming and openly talking about the situation, you also have the opportunity to discuss how it's impacting them.
Because these conversations can be awkward, you may want to ask for help from a professional, a family member, or a friend. Resources listed at the end of this chapter can help you with these discussions.Listen and encourage your kids to share their feelings and questions. When you name the mental illness as the elephant in the living room, you open the door for children to share their feelings and ask questions. Although you may plan topics to address in specific conversations, your child may also raise the subject at random times, perhaps on the way to school or at bedtime. Be open to ongoing dialogue, and let them know you want to hear what they're thinking and feeling. The questions kids have and their reactions to mental illness change over time, so your explanations need to shift accordingly.
As a parent, you may not know all the answers or what to say, and that's OK! You may consult with a professional or family member to think through how to respond. As children discuss and begin to understand their parent's illness, they may develop greater compassion and empathy for others, and may begin to appreciate that life can be uncertain at times.Offer reassurance. In addition to being honest about the fact that your family is dealing with some challenges, it's important to offer reassurance. Although you decide what is appropriate for your unique situation, some helpful messages include
You're not alone. Over 1 in 20 American adults has a mental illness like your mom or dad. Many families are affected.
You didn't cause your parent's illness, and it's not your fault.
We see you. We realize this situation affects you. We want to support you.Create a support team for your children, possibly including their own therapist. Your partner's mental illness can consume a lot of time and energy, which can result in your having less to give to your kids. Encourage your children to spend time with other kids and to explore their interests outside the home.
You may also be intentional about creating a support team which may include their own individual therapist. Many other people can also help your children, such as family members, friends, faith leaders/elders, and community members such as coaches, teachers, and neighbors. These adults might create a regular ritual with your child (such as shooting hoops or getting ice cream together) or they may make themselves available when times are especially rough.
Are there adults in your kids' lives who are especially supportive? If so, who?
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If not, who in your support network might be able to be there for your kids? Might
you consider reaching out and asking them to be part of your team?
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_____________________________________________________________________________________________When a crisis arises, ask for help.
What's helpful for you and your children when things are especially rough at home?_____________________________________________________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Remember, you don't have to go through hard times alone. Asking for help takes courage. People often want to support you but just don't know how. Be specific about what they can do to be helpful, such as picking up groceries, dropping the kids off at school, or spending time with your loved one so you can have some time alone.Empower your kids and instill hope. It's important to approach conversations in an honest yet positive manner. Instill confidence in your children that they can manage this difficult situation and have coping tools for the tough times. As a parent, you know that sticking to daily schedules and routines can build resilience, but take breaks and be flexible when needed. Help your children focus on what they have control over.
Children can be comforted by optimistic messages such as
We have doctors, counselors, relatives and friends who are helping us during this
difficult time.
Mental illness is treatable. There are many medications and therapies that can help your parent to feel better. Although we don't have a cure right now, scientists and doctors are developing new treatments all the time.
We've been through hard times as a family before—we can handle this!
Although you can't cure your parent, there are ways you can help and support them. Your parent loves it when you_______________________________ (fill in the blank with small things your child can do, such as give hugs, pick up their room, or send a loving text message).
SOURCE:
https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/when-you-love-someone-mental-illness-or-history-trauma(accessed 14.07.25)
Dating a Trans Person
https://megjohnandjustin.com/gender/dating-trans-person/#more-492
In this week’s podcast we answer the following question:
I’m an older queer guy who’s just started dating a really lovely trans man. Apart from talking to him, which we are doing, where can I get helpful advice and insight into my own “stuff”? I came out late in life – and I am not really used to a lot of the gay scene – which is probably an advantage! Any advice or comments gratefully received 🙂
Here’s a quick summary of some of the ideas we discuss.
Everyone is different
One key idea we talk about here is that often the best advice about how to date, have sex with, or otherwise relate to a trans person (or any other person with specific experiences) is actually what’s best for everyone. For example, it’s always best to assume that the person you’re dating will have a different body to anyone you’ve been with before, which will work in different ways, and that they’ll likely have different sexual desires – if any, and a different relationship to gender. Making those assumptions about anybody is a good starting position. That’s why we don’t give specific advice about trans people, disabled folk, people of certain sexualities, etc. in our book Enjoy Sex.
Transphobic, cisnormative culture
That said, we do live in a wider culture which assumes that certain identities, bodies, experiences, desires, etc. are ‘normal’ and which marginalises, objectifies, and or stigmatises others. That has an impact on everyone. In the case of trans, it’s generally assumed that people will remain in the gender they were assigned at birth (i.e. be cisgender), and trans genders are often seen as somehow debateable in a way that cis genders aren’t. Sadly the rates of hate crimes against trans people, and relatedly mental health problems among trans people remain alarmingly high. For example Stonewall recently found that eight out of ten young trans people had been bullied, one in ten had received death threats and – unsurprisingly given that – almost half had attempted suicide at some point.
That is going to have an impact on people in relationships. It can mean that trans people are particularly likely to have gone through tough stuff in their lives, and all the implications of that. It can mean that cis people have internalised some of the sensationalist and negative messages about trans people. For example it’s worth checking in with yourself about whether you have any assumptions about a trans partner, or whether you’re objectifying them or seeing them mostly through the lens of their transness, rather than as a full human being.
Power imbalances
There are power imbalances in pretty much all relationships which can make it easier or harder for each person to consent to things (e.g. where they want to go on a date, if they want to have sex, etc.) So in a relationship where one person is trans it’s worth having conversations about the potential impact of such dynamics, and how a cisgender partner can make it as easy as possible for them to be open about where they’re at. Of course there will be many other intersections in play in any relationship which are also worth discussing in this way, e.g. differences in age, class background, first language, etc.
Networks and communities
Different groups, networks, and communities will be more or less clued up about gender. If your own family and/or friendship group isn’t very aware it’s worth thinking about how best to navigate that if you’re going to be introducing a trans partner to them. They shouldn’t have to be doing the emotional labour of dealing with transphobic comments, or educating people. Not all trans people are open about being trans – some see it very much as something in their past, for example. So never tell anybody someone’s trans status without being absolutely sure that’s okay with them. If they are open, then it’s worth doing some checking out with any individuals or groups you’re hoping to introduce them to. If those people aren’t safe-enough then they don’t have to meet. If they do want to meet, perhaps they can do a bit of 101 education before they do so. There’s some great introductory stuff online on places like Gendered Intelligence, Everyday Feminism, and Julia Serano’s website.
If you want to engage with queer, gay, or LGBTQIA+ communities, spaces or events then again it’s worth checking out which are fully trans aware and inclusive. Sadly not all are yet. It’s often better to be reassured in advance than going along to something where a performer makes transphobic comments, or another attendee asks inappropriate questions.
Find out more
The book that Meg-John wrote with Alex Iantaffi is a great starting point for thinking about your own gender, and how you relate to other people’s genders. You can find details – and our podcast about it – here.
SOURCE:
https://megjohnandjustin.com/gender/dating-trans-person/#more-492(accessed 14.07.25)
Tuesday, 8 July 2025
How a bio-psycho-social approach supports people with chronic pain
We evaluated an innovative service in South London to assess impact and replicability
The PEACS Project
The PEACS (Pain: Equality of Care and Support in the Community) service was an innovative approach to chronic pain management that adopted the bio-psycho-social model, delivered by King’s Health Partners Mind & Body Programme in collaboration with the StockWellBeing Primary Care Network in Lambeth.
Context and challenges
Chronic pain affects approximately 34% of UK adults and has profound impacts beyond physical discomfort, influencing employment, mental health, and quality of life. The burden falls disproportionately on certain populations, with women, people from lower socioeconomic backgrounds, and Black communities experiencing higher prevalence rates. Traditional medical approaches often fail to address the complex interplay of physical, psychological, and social factors that influence chronic pain.
Goals of our work
The Tavistock Institute conducted an independent evaluation of PEACS between July 2022 and December 2024, seeking to assess:The development and implementation of the service across five GP practices
The impact on participants’ experience and health outcomes
The impact on the wider healthcare system effects, including healthcare utilisation and costs
The feasibility of replicating the intervention across other Primary Care Networks
What we did
We adopted a developmental and theory-driven mixed-methods approach that combined both quantitative and qualitative elements, includingObservations of intervention workshops
Interviews and focus groups with participants, staff and stakeholders
Analysis of participant surveys and health assessments
Review of healthcare utilisation data, including GP appointments and medication use
Cost-utility analysis to assess value for money
What we found
The PEACS service demonstrated notable success in engaging traditionally underserved populations, with the majority of participants across project cycles and levels of engagement being from Black backgrounds and the proportion of Black participants increasing from Year 1 to Year 2.
Key outcomes included:Improved self-management: Participants showed statistically significant reductions in pain catastrophising scores and improvements in physical health measures.
Reduced healthcare utilisation: Long-term follow-up showed 58% of participants reduced GP visits and 48% reduced medication use over 12 months.
Cost-effectiveness: The programme demonstrated good value for money, with cost per Quality Adjusted Life Year falling within NICE’s acceptable range.
Social connection: Over two-thirds of participants reported feeling less isolated as a result of the programme, with community engagement activities seeing sixfold increase in year 2.
The report
Building on the findings of the year one evaluation report, we published the comprehensive evaluation report in March 2025. The evaluation report provides detailed analysis of PEACS’ development, implementation, outcomes, and potential for replication. It offers insights for healthcare professionals, commissioners, and policymakers interested in addressing health inequalities, particularly for those working with chronic pain management in diverse communities.
Key findings suggest the bio-psycho-social approach adopted by PEACS effectively balanced reducing unnecessary healthcare utilisation while improving access for previously underserved groups. The report highlights both the successes and challenges encountered, providing practical recommendations for future implementations.
Download report
SOURCE:
https://tavinstitute.org/projects/chronic-pain-management-evaluation-of-an-innovative-service-for-people-with-chronic-pain(accessed 8.7.25)
Πώς να υποστηρίξετε συναισθηματικά το παιδί σας αν δεν τα πήγε όπως ήθελε στις πανελλήνιες
by Αγγελική Λάλου
2 Ιουλίου 2025
Μια δύσκολη περίοδος όπου το παιδί σας χρειάζεται υποστήριξη για να δει ότι δεν είναι το τέλος του κόσμου
Ως μητέρα, υπάρχουν στιγμές που ο πόνος του παιδιού σας μοιάζει με τον δικό σας. Το να βλέπω τον γιο μου να περνάει την πόρτα, με τα μάτια χαμηλωμένα, στεναχωρημένος από τα αποτελέσματα των πανελληνίων ήταν μια από αυτές τις βαθιές στιγμές. Σχεδόν άκουγα την καρδιά του να σπάει βλέποντας την απογοήτευση χαραγμένη στο πρόσωπό του. Είναι ένα πράγμα να αντιμετωπίζεις την αποτυχία ο ίδιος, αλλά το να τη βλέπεις στο παιδί σου είναι μια αγωνία απαράμιλλη.
Κατανοώντας το συναισθηματικό φορτίο
Στο σπίτι, η επιτυχία και η αυτοεκτίμηση είχαν σημαντικό βάρος για τον γιο μου. Είχε αφιερώσει την καρδιά του στο διάβασμα – άυπνες νύχτες, στοίβες από βιβλία, ατελείωτες δοκιμασίες εξάσκησης. Για αυτόν, τα αποτελέσματα ήταν κάτι περισσότερο από βαθμοί. Ήταν επικυρώσεις της προσπάθειας και των ονείρων του. Η συντριβή του ήταν ένας ανεμοστρόβιλος συναισθημάτων: θυμός, θλίψη, αυτοαμφιβολία. Τα είδα όλα να εκτυλίσσονται στα μάτια του, και όσο κι αν ήθελα να το μαλακώσω όλο αυτό με μια αγκαλιά, ήξερα ότι χρειαζόταν περισσότερα.
Μερικές φορές αρκεί το να ακούς
Το πρώτο ένστικτο ως γονέας είναι να διορθώνει τα πράγματα, να λέει κάτι σοφό και παρήγορο που επανασυνδέει όλα τα μικροσκοπικά σπασμένα κομμάτια. Αλλά στην πραγματικότητα, το πιο βαθύ δώρο εκείνη τη στιγμή ήταν η προσφορά σιωπής. Κάθισα με τον γιο μου, αφήνοντας τα συναισθήματά του να ξεχυθούν χωρίς διακοπή. Το να ακούω την απογοήτευση και τον φόβο του να εκφράζονται χωρίς κρίση ή μια διάλεξη «Θα τα πας καλύτερα την επόμενη φορά» ήταν ανακουφιστικό για εκείνον και αποκαλυπτικό για μένα.
Δίνοντας έμφαση στην προσπάθεια έναντι του αποτελέσματος
Όταν ήταν έτοιμος να μιλήσει, συζητήσαμε την προσπάθεια έναντι των αποτελεσμάτων. Οι βαθμολογίες στις εξετάσεις μπορεί να είναι ένα παραπλανητικό μέτρο νοημοσύνης ή δυναμικού. Του υπενθύμισα τη δέσμευσή του, την ανθεκτικότητά του στις δύσκολες μέρες και πόσο περήφανο με έκαναν αυτές οι ιδιότητες. Η ζωή αποτελείται από δοκιμές και λάθη, όπως ακριβώς μαθαίνεις να κάνεις ποδήλατο – η πτώση δεν είναι αποτυχία. είναι εξάσκηση για ισορροπία!
Μοιράζοντας προσωπικές ιστορίες
Σε στιγμές σαν κι αυτές, η ειλικρίνεια γεφυρώνει τα κενά. Διηγήθηκα τη δική μου παρόμοια εμπειρία όταν η ζωή δεν πήγε όπως είχε προγραμματιστεί και το ταρακούνημα της αποτυχίας παρέμεινε περισσότερο από το αναμενόμενο. Αυτή η διαφάνεια του φάνηκε ανακούφιση, καθώς καταλάβαινε ότι η μητέρα του δεν ήταν τέλεια και είχε κάνει τα δικά της λάθη. Ήταν μια υπενθύμιση ότι δεν ήταν μόνος σε αυτόν τον δύσκολο δρόμο.
Δημιουργία ενός υποστηρικτικού περιβάλλοντος
Μαζί, καταστρώσαμε ένα σχέδιο – να μην ασχοληθούμε με το παρελθόν, αλλά να χτίσουμε νέα σκαλοπάτια. Ίσως χρειαζόταν μαθήματα ή μια ομάδα μελέτης. Ίσως ένα χόμπι για να επαναπροσδιορίσει το μυαλό του και να αποκτήσει προοπτική. Μαζί, αναλύσαμε στρατηγικές, ώστε η πορεία προς τα εμπρός να φαίνεται λιγότερο τρομακτική και πιο ελπιδοφόρα. Δεν επρόκειτο απλώς για τη βελτίωση των βαθμολογιών του, αλλά για την ενίσχυση της αυτοπεποίθησής του και της ψυχικής του ευεξίας.
Κατακλύζοντάς τον με αγάπη και ενθάρρυνση
Αν και το ταξίδι ήταν προσωπικό, τον περικυκλώσαμε με αγάπη μέσα στον οικογενειακό μας κύκλο. Γιορτάζοντας τα δυνατά του σημεία που οι εξετάσεις δεν μπορούσαν να ποσοτικοποιήσουν, τον βυθίσαμε σε χόμπι και πάθη που τον τόνωναν εκτός ακαδημαϊκών ορίων. Αυτές οι στιγμές του υπενθύμισαν την πολύπλευρη αξία του πέρα από την ακαμψία των αποτελεσμάτων.
Ενδυνάμωση μέσω σύνδεσης
Ο ρόλος μου δεν ήταν απλώς αυτός της μητέρας, αλλά μιας άγκυρας ακλόνητης υποστήριξης. Το να τον ενθαρρύνω να συνδεθεί με φίλους και μέντορες που τον εκτιμούσαν για τις ιδιορρυθμίες και τον χαρακτήρα του –όχι για τους βαθμούς του–- βοήθησε στην ενίσχυση μιας ευρύτερης προοπτικής. Η κοινότητα έγινε πηγή ενδυνάμωσης, αποκαλύπτοντας την απεραντοσύνη της ζωής πέρα από αυτό το μοναδικό εμπόδιο.
Στοχασμοί ανάπτυξης
Καθώς περνούσαν οι εβδομάδες, παρατήρησα ανεπαίσθητες αλλαγές. Το γέλιο του γιου μου επέστρεψε. Τα βαριά σύννεφα της ήττας άρχισαν να διαλύονται. Συνειδητοποιήσαμε ότι η ζωή είναι πιο ανθεκτική από μερικά αποτελέσματα. Αυτή η εμπειρία ήταν ένα υδατόσημο ωριμότητας, που γινόταν όλο και πιο δυνατή με το ξεθωριασμένο κεντρί της.
Να θυμάστε
Ως γονείς, εύχομαι να μπορούσαμε να προστατεύσουμε τα παιδιά μας από τα χτυπήματα του κόσμου. Ωστόσο, όπως έχω μάθει, η μεγαλύτερη δύναμη έγκειται στην απαλή καθοδήγηση και την άνευ όρων αγάπη κατά τη διάρκεια των δοκιμασιών τους. Το να βλέπω τον γιο μου να συγκεντρώνει το θάρρος του, να αγκαλιάζει την προσαρμοστικότητα και να αναζωπυρώνει τα όνειρά του έγινε η απόλυτη ενδυνάμωση.
Λοιπόν, θυμηθείτε: καλλιεργήστε την ανθεκτικότητα, καλλιεργήστε την αυτοεκτίμηση πέρα από τους βαθμούς και μείνετε ακλόνητοι κατά τη διάρκεια των καταιγίδων. Διδάξτε τα να εμπιστεύονται τη διαδικασία, γνωρίζοντας ότι ενώ το μονοπάτι μπορεί μερικές φορές να ξεμακραίνει, πάντα οδηγεί εκεί που είναι γραφτό να βρίσκονται. Μέσα από αυτό, μαθαίνουν ότι δεν είναι ποτέ μόνα τους, οπλισμένα με τη γνώση ότι η μαμά είναι δίπλα τους, στηρίζοντας σθεναρά, ανεξάρτητα από το αποτέλεσμα.
ΠΗΓΗ:
Wednesday, 2 July 2025
Talking About Sex Too Much With Friends
https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/talking-sex-much-friends/
This episode we addressed a question sent in by a listener about talking about sex with their friend. Specifically they wanted to know what to do when most of their conversations with their friend revolve around sex, sometimes around other people and in workplace contexts, and they would like to talk about other topics sometimes too.
We started the show with a couple of caveats. First off of course we don’t want to shame people for being interested in sex. Generally speaking, it’s great if sex can be a topic of conversation that friends can talk openly about. It would be wonderful if people did this a lot more in our culture which has so much shame around sex. Second it’s worth thinking about who does and who doesn’t get to talk about sex in our society. Often it’s culturally accepted that more normative people get to mention their sex and relationship lives in a way that less normative people don’t, in the same way that we see far more representations of those kinds of sex and relationships in the media (e.g. heterosexual, monogamous, couple relationships). So, for some people, talking about sex as a non-normative person can be an antidote to the shame of having their sex lives erased.
That said, there are certainly some possible consent issues here.
First, it’s worth attending to where talking about sex strays into actually having sex. Things like talking dirty and sexting count as having sex. Whereas talking about your sex lives with no arousal on the part of either friend doesn’t count as having sex. But there is a grey area between these where one or more person might be getting a frisson out of talking about sex with a friend, either because they want to be sexual with that friend and it’s a kind of flirtation, or they just find it exciting to talk about sex. Like all kinds of sex that’s only okay if both people are consenting to it. It is possible that discomfort on the part of one person might be because they’re picking up that this sex talk is in the grey area and therefore not consensual. That’s definitely worth raising if you feel able, and it should be on the person who is finding it sexy to be checking out the consent of what they’re doing.
Even if the conversation is very clearly in the ‘friends talking about their sex lives’ category, consent is an issue whenever one person is dominating or controlling what gets to happen in a relationship or interaction, for example if all the shared activities are the things they most enjoy, or if all the conversation is on topics they are most interested in. Ideally the person with the most power in the relationship would take responsibility for ongoing consent check-ins that the other person is comfortable, and getting their needs met from the relationship/conversations too, and that this is balanced and mutual. For example, culturally men and people in powerful positions tend to speak more in conversations than women and people in less powerful positions, so it’s important that they take some responsibility for making enough space for people with less power and privilege to be equally involved. There’s more about navigating consent in our video on the topic: you might think about what a second and third handshake approach might look like in relation to conversation topics.
In terms of what you can do if the other person isn’t attending to these imbalances between you, you could open up a meta-conversation about the kinds of things you talk about together, maybe using the Venn diagrams from our relationship user guide to get explicit about what topics you are each interested in and where the overlaps might be – recognising that this can change over time and that’s okay. You could explore why sex is spoken about so much in this relationship. For example it could be that your friend has nobody else they feel safe talking about these things with – in which case they might explore online or offline groups, or consider if it’s possible to bring this into their other friendships to take the pressure off this one. Again it could be good practice in all relationships to have regular check-ins about the kinds of things you end up talking about and whether everyone’s desires and needs are being met by this.
© Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock, 2019
We started the show with a couple of caveats. First off of course we don’t want to shame people for being interested in sex. Generally speaking, it’s great if sex can be a topic of conversation that friends can talk openly about. It would be wonderful if people did this a lot more in our culture which has so much shame around sex. Second it’s worth thinking about who does and who doesn’t get to talk about sex in our society. Often it’s culturally accepted that more normative people get to mention their sex and relationship lives in a way that less normative people don’t, in the same way that we see far more representations of those kinds of sex and relationships in the media (e.g. heterosexual, monogamous, couple relationships). So, for some people, talking about sex as a non-normative person can be an antidote to the shame of having their sex lives erased.
That said, there are certainly some possible consent issues here.
First, it’s worth attending to where talking about sex strays into actually having sex. Things like talking dirty and sexting count as having sex. Whereas talking about your sex lives with no arousal on the part of either friend doesn’t count as having sex. But there is a grey area between these where one or more person might be getting a frisson out of talking about sex with a friend, either because they want to be sexual with that friend and it’s a kind of flirtation, or they just find it exciting to talk about sex. Like all kinds of sex that’s only okay if both people are consenting to it. It is possible that discomfort on the part of one person might be because they’re picking up that this sex talk is in the grey area and therefore not consensual. That’s definitely worth raising if you feel able, and it should be on the person who is finding it sexy to be checking out the consent of what they’re doing.
Even if the conversation is very clearly in the ‘friends talking about their sex lives’ category, consent is an issue whenever one person is dominating or controlling what gets to happen in a relationship or interaction, for example if all the shared activities are the things they most enjoy, or if all the conversation is on topics they are most interested in. Ideally the person with the most power in the relationship would take responsibility for ongoing consent check-ins that the other person is comfortable, and getting their needs met from the relationship/conversations too, and that this is balanced and mutual. For example, culturally men and people in powerful positions tend to speak more in conversations than women and people in less powerful positions, so it’s important that they take some responsibility for making enough space for people with less power and privilege to be equally involved. There’s more about navigating consent in our video on the topic: you might think about what a second and third handshake approach might look like in relation to conversation topics.
In terms of what you can do if the other person isn’t attending to these imbalances between you, you could open up a meta-conversation about the kinds of things you talk about together, maybe using the Venn diagrams from our relationship user guide to get explicit about what topics you are each interested in and where the overlaps might be – recognising that this can change over time and that’s okay. You could explore why sex is spoken about so much in this relationship. For example it could be that your friend has nobody else they feel safe talking about these things with – in which case they might explore online or offline groups, or consider if it’s possible to bring this into their other friendships to take the pressure off this one. Again it could be good practice in all relationships to have regular check-ins about the kinds of things you end up talking about and whether everyone’s desires and needs are being met by this.
© Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock, 2019
SOURCE:
https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/talking-sex-much-friends/(accessed 2.7.25)
Peace, wisdom and resilience for a changing decade
Our editor Dr Jon Sutton reports from the opening ceremony of the 19th European Congress of Psychology, in Paphos, Cyprus.
01 July 2025
Over many years, and several European Congresses, I've seen a fair few 'Psi' symbols turned into a tree for a conference logo. But, as Conference Chair Dr Eleni Karayianni pointed out in this opening ceremony, there's something particularly fitting about the olive tree. It signifies peace, wisdom, resilience: core values driving psychologists in their mission to support human wellbeing. 'Let this be a space,' she continued, 'to innovate, collaborate and translate' in order to face the challenges of what the European Federation of Psychologists' Associations have termed 'the 2030 agenda'.
Poly Gregora has been advocating for mental health in Cyprus since she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder almost 20 years ago. Here, she deployed the myths and tales of her land – including three beautifully animated short films, directed by Markos Kassinos – to remind us that truth and meaning can be found not only in science, but in story. Oral traditions bring to life forgotten faces from the past, a way to reflect and make meaning in an increasingly chaotic world.
Many of these myths are grounded in fear, confusion, change. And so through the films we heard of hostile forces (very much a psycho-political backdrop to this event), of lost beauty, of passion and love. There are a lot of huge rocks scattered across the island, in strange formations and unusual shapes. Cypriots have woven tales around these rocks and how they ended up where they did (including Petra tou Romiou, shown above). When the rocks splash into the ocean, said Kassinos, the concentric circles spreading out from them serve as messages and emotions from a parallel world, the 'truth of life'. Such stories are also 'tools for reflection', Gregora said, showing that we can – as she has, as an Expert by Lived Experience – turn our greatest fears into assets.
'A clear, rational, evidence-based understanding of reality'
Next up, the incoming President of the Cyprus Psychologists' Association, Dr Evita Katsimicha, urged that 'Psychology can and must be involved to meet the challenge of the decade ahead'. Professor Christoph Steinebach, at his last European Congress as EFPA President, welcomed 'Mrs President', noting that 'Perhaps the world needs more Mrs Presidents'. He insisted that although 'the sheer pace and complexity of global crisis can feel overwhelming… Psychology must, and wants to, step forward to help'.
In this endeavour, Steinebach said, the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals should be our guide. Noting our proximity to the foundations of stoicism, he called for 'a psychological science that is based on a clear, rational, evidence-based understanding of reality'. Practice must be research-informed, and research practice-informed.
Complex times also call for tricky balancing acts, and Steinebach encouraged us to escape the 'ivory tower of pure research', while also ensuring that Psychology doesn't descend into 'mere activism'.
There's sure to be lots to explore over the coming days in this context. I will be chairing discussion panels on digitalisation, climate change, and the European Year of Mental Health; alongside others on policy making, open science and children's mental health; plus countless papers and posters. I'll do my best to update this page as the conference progresses.
SOURCE:
Friday, 27 June 2025
You get to choose your hard thing
Chartered Psychologist Dr Jennifer McClay with a personal and professional take on ‘emotionally-based school non-attendance’, or ‘school refusal’.
20 June 2025
My parents wanted me to be okay and to learn, so they did what they were told was right to get me into school. Things like, 'don't let her watch TV or do nice things', don't make home too comfortable', make her get up and sit in her school uniform each morning'. Typing this, I can still feel the skirt digging tight, collar scratching, cuffs scraping, shoes rubbing – locked in a school uniform cage. Terrified, because it put me one step closer to school.
I limped on only as far as my second year of high school and left with no qualifications. But I'm the first person in my family to go to university, earned my PhD at 25, and later qualified as an Educational Psychologist. I think that shows grit: 'perseverance and passion for achieving long-term goals... maintaining effort and interest over time'. As does the fight my own daughter put up to never walk through that school door again. If there's one thing that girl has in abundance, it's grit.
My mum told me recently that a turning point for her had been when she took me into school for a meeting. She said she couldn't believe the physical change in me. That I curled in like a terrified animal, and she could see the genuine and pure terror. Before that, she didn't get it. She didn't realise that I was experiencing such visceral fear.
Education professionals have moved on in how we conceptualise school refusal, redefining it as school phobia, and landing now on emotionally based school non-attendance/avoidance (EBSNA/EBSA). 'It's can't, not won't' is a phrase used to help people understand. But despite our renaming and reframing, I don't feel that day-to-day practice has moved on all that much. On the ground, parents are still often under immense pressure and intervention can remain heavily within child. When resources are tight and there are often few options or accommodations, there is still an assumption that this child should go back to school. And because of that goal, 'school refuser' can still feel closer to the reality.
The retreat from school
It's quite alien to me when people puzzle over EBSNA: as if it's incomprehensible why children might not want to go to school. With the sensory challenges, the social difficulties and anxieties, the exhaustion of managing the demands and interactions and touch, sounds, smells, talk, response, eyes on you and words coming at you not understanding what the other kids mean, why they're laughing, why the teacher seems so annoyed and everything feels wrong but you don't know why… I'm baffled by people who manage places like school with ease, even pleasure.
There's a family I know who do everything, dance, martial arts, scouts, choir, any and all social events, and somehow I only recently had the epiphany that it's because they like these things and find them enjoyable, restorative, and fun, not stressful, overstimulating, and exhausting. How different folks can be. It makes me think of Boyce's The Orchid and the Dandelion, the beautiful neurodiversity as biodiversity model, and how we're not right or wrong, normal or pathologised, just all different as carrots and apple trees.
Thanks to the internet, we're more informed these days about neurodiversity, school trauma, stress, and burnout. But many parents and professionals still report hearing the same advice as my parents did. The pressure on children and their families is enormous. And it still feels like, rather than accept there may be problems with school – the whole entity – a lot of time can be spent questioning what's wrong with the child and family. Questions of cause rarely seem to centre on school, and even if they do it's assumed without question that this child should go back.
When retreat from school is gradual, change rarely comes quickly enough to help. Or is enough. Adaptations aren't given freely. There are many high and costly hoops to jump through. Often we see a pattern where the child struggles, cracks appear, help is asked for, but the problem isn't bad enough yet, it gets worse, things may change but by then it's too late – the child is traumatised and burnt out. Or sometimes the retreat is sudden – or, more accurately, it seems so on the outside, when the mask of okay-ness suddenly crumbles.
'Touch the gate'
In her wonderful book, Your Child Is Not Broken, Heidi Mavir (founder of EOTAS Matters) describes a meeting where the teacher asks her to drive her son to school to touch the school gate, as a kind of exposure therapy. Her son suffered a fairly sudden burnout early in secondary. Heidi knows that touching the gate won't ever help because the problem is what is on the other side of it. 'I knew that,' Mavir writes, 'and I think Susi also knew that, but her painted smile and expectant look didn't give me any room to say no.'
I've been that kid. Been that parent. Had that meeting. Seen that expression. And, like Heidi, I've jumped through that hoop (or a very similar one) because if you don't it's even more your fault. And when Heidi tells her son he can trust her, he replies, 'I can't though can I Mum? When will you stop trying to trick me?'
This kind of exposure therapy can't work. As Naomi Fisher says, you can't desensitise someone's fear reaction with exposure to a stimulus that is actually terrifying. Using exposure to desensitise a kid like me to school is a bit like taking someone frightened of dogs and trying to cure it by gradual and controlled exposure to a XL bully with rabies.
And isn't that part of the issue? We agree it's emotionally based in fear, but some professionals don't see that the fear is justified? For them there is nothing to fear, whereas for some people, there is. It hurts to be there. And maybe, to quote Keiran Rose, who said about his autistic experience, 'you don't have to understand, you just have to believe me'.
Some people link Covid to an increase in EBSNA, and that may well be true. But many of us see that reason differently. It didn't damage us. During Covid we saw a better way – smaller class sizes, remote education, less mixing and moving around, more personal space. Then all that was whipped away from us.
A child who uses a wheelchair can't go up the stairs - can't, not won't. They use the lift. And if there isn't one, we put in a lift. We don't ask them to build up their arms and drag themselves up the stairs. They can't. Yet with EBSNA (and other mental health conditions), while it may be said, it doesn't feel like the 'can't' is always taken seriously. Messages can remain that these kids just need grit, resilience building, self regulation.
The context
For families, the pressure from all sides is as invisible but present as the air you breathe. Parents and children generally encounter instant demands to return and keep up expectations of attendance, keep links, keep pressure on. And when the child can't, there is such judgment of parents. 'You must be too soft, boundaries aren't clear enough, it's separation anxiety'… and this happens to parents when they're already vulnerable. As a parent, you are exhausted, you are down and doubting yourself, and you are kicked. There is a lack of choice in our education system. For families who have a child that can't attend mainstream, they are often left without choices or options.
And despite our reframing as EBSNA, analysis of the problem and suggested solutions still often remain within child. Contributing factors are analysed. Factors such as screen time, for example, are often interpreted as part of the problem, as causal – a child is staying home to spend time on screens – not considering that this may be the result of school-related trauma and a coping mechanism and means of regulation for a burnout child in crisis (see Naomi Fisher for the role of screens). Interventions can be heavily skewed to within the child – it is for the child to learn to self-regulate, build resilience, and adaptations to the environment receive less focus.
To honestly engage with families, we must address the elephant in the room – it isn't just this child who is struggling in a context that is otherwise fine, well-designed, and fit for purpose. The system is over-stretched, under-resourced, and lacking appropriate training and support from other agencies (see the EIS position statement of November 2024). But while we may at times admit it, it is not officially acknowledged. It may be said in the meeting, but it doesn't make the minute. So in practice, blame – or 'responsibility', if that is less emotionally laden – slides off the system and lands on the child and family.
It's not just the kids who can find school a hard place to be these days. I believe most of us in education now are familiar with the news that another colleague has been signed off with stress and isn't expected to return anytime soon. We all see daily news about teachers struggling in schools, their pain and frustration that there is no help to meet the needs of the children before them. The class teacher cannot do it all.
The difference in the experience of child and adult is in the power imbalance and the twisting of the right to education into an obligation to attend school. Imagine the stressed Class Teacher, Pupil Support Assistant, or Head Teacher at the GP in tears, to be met with the response, 'Well, you have to keep going, it's so important for your future, your career progression. How's it going to look if you're off with stress? Everyone else is managing, why are you any different? Think of everyone you're letting down. What if you lose your job? Think of your bills, your mortgage. If you are off, make sure you call in everyday, make sure you get back as soon as possible, don't forget we expect you back. Get up and dressed for it and try every morning. You just need grit.'
These messages are still being given to some of our vulnerable children. And their families. That needs genuine and serious reflection. How does that feel to hear? What may the ripples be from that message, and how far and how long do they travel?
What should be said instead?
'It will be okay'
'When a child is burnt out, it's alright to take a break. They need to recover.'
'Don't worry, you have options.'
'We can help you.'
Perhaps if nothing else, then at least, 'It's not your fault'.
Grit or compliance?
Angela Duckworth defined the psychological concept of grit as a combination of passion and persistence, with success not a matter of talent or innate intelligence, but of attitude, effort, enthusiasm, and consistency – 'passion and perseverance for long-term goals'. But those goals are the goals of that individual, not somebody else's. The passion they follow is their own, not their parents' passion, not their teachers' passion. Duckworth states this in her Hard Thing Rule – everyone has a hard thing they need to do, you don't get to quit in the middle, and you get to choose your hard thing.
How can you find passion in something you don't want to do? Following someone else's or society's demands? This is not passion. This is not grit. This is compliance – submitting to the demands, wishes, or suggestions of others. Or it's conformity – adjusting behaviour to be more consistent with the opinions of others or the normative standards of a social group. Our education system requires compliance and conformity, not grit.
There is a wide literature on the inefficiency of and damage caused by coercion, and the importance of choice and voluntary action for positive change (e.g. Kurt Lewin's work on managing change). We know that increasing pressure creates conflict, resistance, and resentment (see Sam Harris's interview with Daniel Kahneman for an interesting discussion of this.) And we know it can reduce motivation, a key ingredient of grit. So, all other things aside, the approach many still take to EBSNA is unlikely to work as it is built around applying pressure to children and families.
Now and next
Let's take the refusal out of EBSNA and truly accept can't not won't. Instead of trying to make them go and then trying intervention after intervention aiming to help them tolerate the intolerable, we could be truly child centered – consider what this child needs first to heal, right now. Positive experiences, recovery, screen time, rest, agency, and then what next?
If we're not making changes first, if we're not putting in the lift, how can we ask the child to just try harder? With persuasion, pressures, coercion, with ear defenders, time outs, self-regulation, five-point scales, is this in their long-term best interests? What are they really, deeply learning about life and their place in it from being in school in this manner?
Covid showed us other ways, some in schools and some not. Remote education, for example, is now plentiful in the private sector, with many models from live online full days to 'pick and choose' courses. But often they aren't cheap. In Scotland, I-sgoil is a remote school offering interactive online learning (at home or as a hybrid model) for those unable to attend school.
It's not for everyone, but nothing is. And that's really the point. We need more choices within the current system, and to work towards a system that truly does value grit over compliance.
Dr Jennifer McClay (CPsychol)
Educational and Child Psychologist
Wave Psychology
SOURCE:
https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/you-get-choose-your-hard-thing(accessed 27.06.25)
Wednesday, 18 June 2025
Awkwardness
See podcast:
This time on the podcast Meg-John interviewed Elsie Whittington. Elsie is a researcher at Manchester Met Uni who did her PhD on consent and studies youth sexuality.
For the podcast episode Elsie and MJ decided to focus on awkwardness because this was such a big theme in Elsie’s research that it ended up being a whole chapter of her thesis.
How is awkwardness relevant to sex and consent?
Pretty much every one of the young people who Elsie spoke to for her research said that a huge thing they feared during sex was awkwardness, and this was a major barrier to having conversations about consent, or to pausing or stopping what they were doing if it wasn’t feeling good.
The sex educators and advisors that Elsie spoke with also said that awkwardness was a big barrier to talking about sex openly in schools and youth groups – and evidence suggests that medics, therapists, and other professionsal feel similarly awkward about bringing up issues of sex and consent.
What is awkwardness?
Most of the participants in Elsie’s research said it was a sense of embarrassment or having got something wrong. They felt awkward that they might be exposed as being inept at sex in some way if they brought up consent, or talked about what they wanted, for example. They were scared of losing face and looking stupid.
Interestingly the word awkward – from the Latin – means wrong (awk) and direction (ward – like backward and forward). So it’s literally about a fear of going in the wrong direction. On the podcast we linked this to the sexual script that is taught in media, sex advice, sex ed, etc. Part of why there is awkwardness around sex is that there is a sense of the ‘right direction’ that we could (intentionally or unintentially) deviate from. Even worse, there’s often a sense that trying to do it consensually will risk us going in the wrong direction.
What do we generally do about awkwardness?
In all aspects of life we’re taught pretty thoroughly to avoid awkwardness – perhaps particularly if we’re from cultural backgrounds which have a horror of embarrassment and where saving face is important. We might struggle with restaurants or shops or other unfamiliar environments if we sense that we don’t know the script – and therefore risk being awkward.
As with so many difficult feelings our default may be to assume that the presence of awkwardness is a bad thing, and that avoiding it is a good thing, at whatever cost.
Why is this risky?
When it comes to sex – which feels like such a loaded, vulnerable situation with potential for awkwardness – people may even prefer to risk unwanted or non-consensual sex than facing an awkward pause, silence, or conversation. Awkwardness is also a reason often given for struggling to suggest contraception.
Sex advice and media – including much advice around consent – is largely to blame for people preferring risky non-awkwardness to consensual awkwardness. It presents a script for sex, with everyone telepathatically knowing what to do without communication, and no awkwardness. Even consent ed often presents consent conversations as straightforward and not awkward. We need to see more realistic images and examples of people navigating awkwardness around sex and consent. It simply isn’t possible to get to that point without a lot of practise (including plenty of awkwardness).
How could we approach awkwardness differently?
We spoke about the importance of staying with feelings: learning how to be with awkwardness, recognising that it’s possible to feel and won’t destroy us. The most we can practise being okay with awkward feelings, the more we’ll be okay when those happen during sex.
Naming awkwardness can really take the sting out of it. Saying ‘oh that’s awkward’ or referencing the awkward turtle meme helps to make it a bonding, perhaps funny, moment rather than something that feels terrible.
It can be great to model the capacity to be awkward and it be okay for other people – if it’s something you can do. You can bring in cultures with friends where you see anybody feeling awkward as a great sign that a conversation would be helpful. Naming awkwardness and asking how others are doing can be helpful for social dynamics, and good practise again for when this comes up in relation to sex (whether sex itself or conversations about it).
© Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock, 2020
SOURCE:
https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/awkwardness/(accessed 18.06.25)
'We have a duty to carry out socially relevant research'
Ella Rhodes reports on the impact for British Psychological Society journals.
16 June 2025
Studies published in British Psychological Society journals are having an impact on global education, health, and pandemic preparedness policy. A recent BPS analysis of data from Altmetric, which monitors mentions of journal articles in government guidelines, white papers and other publications, found articles in our journals were cited by bodies including the World Health Organisation and the World Bank.
Three studies published in the British Journal of Educational Psychology featured in the top 10 BPS journal articles with the greatest policy impact in 2024. One of these was an open-access paper by University of Sussex researchers Dr Lewis Doyle, Dr Matthew Easterbrook, and Professor Peter Harris. They explored teachers' perceptions of an identical piece of work written by students who appeared to be from varying ethnicities and socioeconomic backgrounds.
Teachers judged lower-socioeconomic-status (SES) students' work to be of lower quality than higher SES students and rated their ability and potential as inferior. The researchers suggested these unconscious biases among teachers could be part of the reason students from lower SES backgrounds tend to perform worse at school.
Their work was cited by the European Commission's Joint Research Service in its paper on the impact of COVID-19 restrictions on learning loss and education policy in Europe. The Pandemic, Socioeconomic Disadvantage, and Learning Outcomes also drew on case studies from Germany, Italy, the Netherlands, and England to explore the learning challenges created by COVID-19, particularly for students from socioeconomically disadvantaged backgrounds.
Doyle said his and colleagues' research, including the British Journal of Educational Psychology article, sought to use social psychology to better understand and combat educational inequalities. 'As a scientific community, I think we have a duty to carry out socially relevant research that can have a positive impact on society.
'Finding that teachers may be biased in their judgements is an important discovery to share with other academics, but in terms of real-world impact, it is far more important to communicate these learnings to teachers and policymakers themselves. This article gained a large amount of media attention and enabled us to reach a broader audience than may otherwise have been possible. We have subsequently shared these findings in workshops and meetings with teachers and school leaders and hope that this will lead to impactful change.'
In 2020, the British Journal of Educational Psychology also published a study by Canisius University researchers Professor Kristin Finn, Dr Clancy Seymour, and Anna Phillips, which again explored bias among teachers. They asked middle school and high school teachers to assess a fake essay which also included a photograph of students of varying weights – they found overweight students were more likely to be given lower grades, and were assumed to have lower grades overall.
The European Parliament's Policy Department for Economic, Scientific and Quality of Life Policies included these findings in its document Current challenges and opportunities for addressing obesity. The report, produced for the parliament's Subcommittee on Public Health, explored obesity prevention and management in the EU, healthcare for people with obesity, and environments which promote health.
The Covid-19 pandemic also featured extensively in the top 10 BPS journal articles with most policy impact, including a longitudinal study in the British Journal of Educational Psychology on teachers' mental health during the first year of the pandemic. University of York researchers – Dr Lisa Kim, Dr Laura Oxley, and Professor Kathryn Asbury – looked at 24 primary and secondary school teachers' job demands and resources in April, July and November of 2020.
They found that teachers' mental health and wellbeing, particularly among primary school leaders, generally declined across that period. The uncertainty in their roles, workloads, negative perceptions of their profession, concern for the wellbeing of others, health struggles and having multiple roles had a particularly negative impact on teachers' mental health and wellbeing, while having social support, autonomy at work and coping strategies impacted positively on them.
A 2024 report commissioned by the European Agency for Safety and Health at Work cited these findings. This report looked at artificial intelligence in education and advocated for a teacher-centred perspective in discussions about the use of digital technology in education.
Several pandemic-related papers published in the British Journal of Health Psychology were also included in the top 10. One of these was a study by Frederik Jørgensen, Dr Alexander Bor and Professor Michael Bang Petersen, which explored the protective behaviours people had taken during the COVID-19 pandemic, and attitudes towards the pandemic and society more broadly.
This research, published in 2021, included surveys of more than 26,500 people living in Denmark, France, Germany, Hungary, Italy, Sweden, the UK, and the USA. The findings showed that one of the major reasons people followed protective advice was a feeling of self-efficacy, and the impact of fear on those behaviours was small among those who felt higher self-efficacy. The authors suggested governments could foster compliance without resorting to heightening feelings of fear among the public.
This study was cited in a paper on incorporating trust into planning for future health crises, including pandemics, in the Bulletin of the World Health Organisation by Thomas Bollyky from the US Council for Foreign Relations and Michael Bang Petersen. In that paper, they proposed that policies should ensure the trust which already existed in communities should be sustained during health crises, in part by using honest and transparent communication, and that strategies should be introduced which promote cooperation in communities where trust in government is low.
Another top 10 study in the British Journal of Health Psychology looked at people's intentions to take the COVID-19 vaccine in the face of information about its efficacy. Professor Colin Davis (University of Bristol), Matt Golding, the founder and creative director of Rubber Republic, and Professor Ryan McKay (Royal Holloway, University of London), asked more than 480 people in four different conditions about their intentions to take the Covid-19 vaccine.
Giving people information on the safety and efficacy of the COVID-19 vaccine increased their intentions to have the vaccine. The researchers also found a stronger increase in Covid vaccine intentions in a condition where participants were shown safety and efficacy information about the Covid vaccine alongside information that the flu vaccine's efficacy was much lower than the Covid vaccine.
The World Bank cited this research in its policy research working paper Behaviorally Informed Messages Increase COVID-19 Vaccination Intentions: Insights from a Global Meta-Analysis. This paper analysed 28 online experiments, which involved more than 120,000 people, and found behaviourally-informed messages significantly increased vaccination intentions among unvaccinated people.
Chair of the BPS Research Board, Dr Richard Stephens, told us: 'It's no secret amongst the community of psychology researchers that the evidence-base can be so impactful. We understand how to design and run robust studies that provide meaningful insights into psychological processes that affect people's decisions and, consequently, their lives. But it's so wonderful to see my peers (and forebears) spreading influence, worldwide.'
SOURCE:
https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/we-have-duty-carry-out-socially-relevant-research(accessed 18.06.25)
Όταν νιώθουμε τύψεις επειδή φωνάξαμε στο παιδί- Η απάντηση του παιδοψυχολόγου
O σύμβουλος γονέων και παιδοψυχολόγος Ιωάννης Γλωσσόπουλος μιλάει για ένα θέμα που έχει απασχολήσει όλους τους γονείς. Για τις τύψεις που βάζουμε όταν φωνάζουμε στα παιδιά, όταν συνειδητοποιούμε ότι δεν ξέρουμε πώς να θέσουμε όρια, όταν νιώθουμε κακοί γονείς, όταν είμαστε απλά εξαντλημένοι.
Οι συμβουλές του είναι πολύτιμες και κυρίως πολύ καθησυχαστικές για τους γονείς που προσπουθούν καθημερινά να γίνουν η καλύτερη εκδοχή του εαυτού τους:
Φωνάζεις στο παιδί σου και μετά νιώθεις χάλια.
Δεν θες να το πληγώνεις.
Δεν θες να είσαι "αυτός” ο γονιός.
Αυτός που είπε ότι δεν θα γίνει ποτέ.
Κι όμως… εκεί βρίσκεσαι.
Με φωνές που δεν σε εκπροσωπούν και τύψεις που σε βαραίνουν.
Δεν είσαι κακός γονιός.
Είσαι κουρασμένος.
Εξαντλημένος.
Και πολλές φορές, χωρίς σωστά "εργαλεία."
Γιατί τα όρια δεν μπαίνουν μόνο στο παιδί.
Μπαίνουν πρώτα σε σένα.
Στο πότε λες "ναι" ενώ μέσα σου είναι "όχι".
Στο πότε κρατάς, κρατάς, κρατάς... και μετά ξεσπάς.
Στο πότε δεν φεύγεις για να μην κλάψει και τελικά φωνάζεις για να σταματήσει.
Όριο είναι να πεις "τώρα δεν μπορώ άλλο", πριν φτάσεις στο δεν αναγνωρίζω τον εαυτό μου.
Όριο είναι να πεις "χρειάζομαι βοήθεια" και να την αναζητήσεις.
Όριο είναι να πεις στο παιδί "σ' αγαπώ, αλλά αυτό δεν γίνεται".
Μπορείς να γίνεις ο γονιός που θέλεις.
Όχι όταν δεν φωνάζεις ποτέ.
Αλλά όταν κάθε μέρα κάνεις λίγο χώρο για σένα και λίγο χώρο για εκείνο!
ΠΗΓΗ:
https://www.themamagers.gr/family/500756/fonazeis-sto-paidi-sou-kai-meta-niotheis-xalia(accessed 18.06.25)
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