Ella Rhodes speaks with Psychologists researching conversations and motivations around the decision not to have children.
31 October 2024
Parenthood is often seen as life's ultimate goal, and choosing not to have children can be a radical rejection of an entrenched, universal, social norm. But what impact does that choice have on the people who make it? Are childfree people really a selfish, kid-hating, money-grabbing, homogenous group? As the latest fertility rates for England and Wales drop to the lowest levels since records began, Ella Rhodes investigates a subject close to her heart…
I am 36, and childfree-by-choice. People are extremely quick to judge that choice. I have been grilled about my decision, even in professional settings. I have been told I'll regret it and I've been asked who will look after me when I'm older.
I speak from a place of extraordinary privilege. As a white, cisgender woman, born in the UK, and raised in a non-religious household, I feel lucky to have this choice. But even so, identifying as child free is not an easy thing to do.
Despite a growing number of people choosing not to have children there is a great deal of stigma still attached to the childfree-by-choice. As Ruby Warrington writes in her fantastic book Women Without Kids, women who don't have children are under-represented in mainstream media and are seen as something of an anomaly: 'At best, a woman who is not also a mother is a strange bird, faulty goods,' she says. 'If she can't have kids she is often portrayed as sad and damaged ("Such a shame"); if she simply won't (rarely is it that straightforward) she is either deluded, destined to regret it, or written off as cold-hearted, narcissistic and career obsessed. What a selfish cunt.'
Climate
My reasons for choosing this path are numerous – some are personal, some have shifted over time, while others grow every day. But it's impossible to consider this decision without looking at the broader context, particularly the climate crisis and its impact on reproductive decision-making.
Life has been challenging for my generation, 'millennials' born between 1981 and 1996; and for Gen Z, born between 1997 and 2012. We experience higher levels of inequality compared to our parents, we have less financial freedom, and little to no chance of owning a home. But those concerns seem feeble when compared with what the future holds for the planet at large.
In a fascinating series of articles The Guardian explored findings from a survey it ran with lead authors and editors of reports for the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change since 2018. They were asked about their predictions for the future – 77 per cent predicted at least 2.5C of global warming, 42 per cent said warming would reach at least 3C this century. Small numbers with enormous, disastrous consequences. The scientists and experts were also asked about their stance on having children. One fifth of the female climate scientists who responded to those questions, and 7 per cent of males, had chosen to have no, or fewer, children given concerns over the climate.
In a systematic review of 13 studies published in PLOS Climate in 2023, Hope Dillarstone (University College London) and colleagues found there were four main climate-related concerns cited regarding reproductive decision-making – uncertainty of an unborn child's future, the ecological impact of reproduction, meeting family subsistence needs, and contributing to environmental politics and activism. The findings of this study showed a complex interplay between climate-change concern and decisions around reproduction – the majority of reviewed studies found that climate change was causing people not to have children at all, or to plan to have fewer children.
Given growing concerns about the climate, the economics of parenthood, and lower rates of home ownership among reproductive-aged people, it is no wonder that the childfree population is growing. Despite this, there are many outstanding questions about this demographic.
'A unique group in their own right'
Social Psychology Professors and married couple
Jennifer Watling Neal and Zachary Neal (Michigan State University) became interested in looking at the childfree population after Jennifer asked her students about their thoughts on having children in a survey used in teaching a research methods class. She was intrigued by the number of students who said they would not have children, and she realised the childfree were something of an invisible population.
Jennifer and Zachary looked at previous research on childfree people – much of which was qualitative. They also looked at big data sets but found that participants were usually split into parents or non-parents. Such a dichotomy does not capture whether a person hopes to be a parent one day, cannot have children, or has chosen not to have children.
The pair became interested in developing better measures for identifying childfree people. In their first study they used three questions to divide participants into parents, not-yet parents, childfree, childless, ambivalent and undecided. Jennifer tells me she was surprised by the number who ended up in the childfree group. 'In our first study we had a childfree prevalence rate of 27 per cent which was really high – we were so surprised by that and wanted to find out more.'
Zachary tells me that, especially compared to parents and childless people, the childfree population is understudied. 'I think that's partly because childfree people are often lumped together in this undifferentiated "non-parent" group but haven't been studied much as a unique group in their own right.'
This does appear to be changing. The National Survey of Family Growth, conducted by the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention, has questions which identify childfree people and Pew Research Centre has also run surveys on intentions to have children. One of Pew's studies of US young adults in 2024 found that 15 per cent of men and 21 per cent of women did not want to have children.
While prevalence rates of childfree people do vary, probably due to different methodologies used in research, most ongoing surveys – including the National Survey of Family Growth – have seen a steady increase in the prevalence of people choosing to be childfree. As well as methodological differences, Jennifer tells me this could be due to a number of factors – people may have become more comfortable in openly identifying as childfree or may have been swayed by their peers to remain childfree.
'Others point to economic forces – it is becoming increasingly expensive to raise children. Having children is one of the most harmful things individuals can do to the climate, which is leading to some people choosing not to have children. There are also political forces at play – an increasing move to authoritarianism and a reduction of reproductive rights could lead people to not want to bring children into the world.'
Outside forces
Indeed, around the time the Neals started studying the childfree population, the United States Supreme Court decision in the Dobbs V. Jackson case overturned Roe V. Wade which protected a right to abortion under the US constitution. Individual states became responsible for regulating aspects of abortion, leading to long-term confusion in a number of US states over the standing of reproductive rights.
Jennifer told me that in Michigan following the Dobbs decision there was a series of conflicting court decisions as well as the attempted reenactment of a 'zombie law' which made abortion illegal in the state. Jennifer and Zachary collected further data following the Supreme Court decision and found the proportion of people saying they were childfree increased from 21 per cent in April 2022 to 26 per cent following the Dobbs decision.
Jennifer said they were not sure exactly why this was the case. 'My guess would be that was because there was significant uncertainty around whether reproductive rights were going to remain accessible in Michigan, that some folks just started opting out of having kids maybe some people were shifting from being not-yet parents to become childfree because if they were to get pregnant they weren't sure whether they would receive reproductive healthcare.'
In November 2022 Michigan did pass a proposition which protected reproductive rights in the state. Jennifer said they hope to recollect data to see whether this has changed the numbers of people identifying as childfree.
Navigating the childfree stance
After researching individual differences and close relationships, personality psychologist Dr Tanja Gerlach joined the social psychology group at Queen's University Belfast, where she began to take more of an interest in intergroup relations, prejudice and stigma. Gerlach, who now works at the Leibniz Institute for Educational Trajectories in Bamberg, Germany, explained: 'I had a longstanding interest in people's reproductive choices, including those who, for different reasons, opt out of parenthood. That, in combination with the great work on prejudice and stigma conducted by my colleagues at Queen's reignited my interest in people identifying as childfree and what the decisions against parenthood means for childfree people's everyday lives.'
Gerlach began to think about both how people opt out of parenthood and the conversations people have in communicating that decision. 'In the past, among colleagues, we had heated debates about how common the voluntary decision not to have children might be. I recall an instance where a coworker had suggested that it was only 2 per cent of the population and as such, perhaps even a group too small to study.' Reading the Neals' research, the prevalence rates – above 20 per cent – gave her pause. 'Such a high number, for me, certainly was unexpected at that point. Then I started to think about how people could be so wrong in their estimates – even my own estimate was closer to 10 per cent. I realised something was going on here. Of course, whether you want to have children or not may just be a private choice. Most people do not think very fondly of people who don't want to have children, and you can easily see why childfree people may think twice about when and to whom they reveal how they feel. That's why I got interested in how people disclose their stance.'
In an initial pilot study Gerlach asked a childfree group about the conversations they had about wanting to have children or not. Some qualitative work from the early 2000s found that, although childfree people will disclose they are childfree, there are also different strategies people may use. 'For example, people might imply they may have children later on – this is something that works for younger people. Some people suggest having children sadly wasn't "on the cards" for them – implying that they could not have children, leaving their conversation partner thinking that they are childless instead of childfree. I found that so fascinating and wanted to look into that more.'
Across the conversations people reported, she found around 80 per cent of childfree people simply say they do not want to have children, but also found that other strategies may be adopted. 'Sometimes people just try to get out of these situations and derail the conversation. But we also saw accounts of people privately knowing that they don't want children who, in those situations, implied otherwise.' Gerlach found a majority of these conversations were taking place with family members, around 20 per cent were with acquaintances, 17 per cent with friends, and 10 per cent in the workplace.
'We have since replicated and extended the study to look at these different contexts. There is still a lot of data we haven't fully analysed yet, but some people said their family members were quite demanding or questioning of the childfree stance. The conversations with friends and acquaintances seem a bit easier to navigate. Workplace conversations can be awkward, too, but unlike family conversations – where almost every childfree person was able to report on an episode – some childfree people said the topic was never brought up in their workplace.'
Gerlach said it had been incredibly rewarding to work with childfree people, who often voiced how pleased they were to participate in research where they could share their experiences. 'It was one of the most beautiful things I ever did,' she explained. 'I'd done research on conflict in couples, and participants would sometimes respond by saying things like, "Wow, those questions were so heavy – you must be really cynical to ask them!" This project has been a refreshing change. People genuinely appreciated the studies and were enthusiastic about being a part of this work.'
Individual differences
Childfree people's experiences are, of course, complex and varied. But psychologists have been exploring whether there are any shared characteristics among this demographic.
In a study involving more than 700 people, with more than half of them being childfree, Gerlach and her students looked at the Big Five personality traits. 'Previous studies found that childfree people might be a bit less agreeable than other people, a bit more on the introverted side of the spectrum, and although it's not a consistent finding they may also be more open to experience. In this study we also found that there's a difference in agreeableness, lower levels of extraversion and childfree people are indeed a bit more open to experience.'
However, Gerlach does add that 'sometimes when you read about studies like this it sounds like the differences between groups are very large, but in our data that's certainly not the case. Usually it's small-to-medium sized differences. Some of the differences could also disappear if you took certain demographic variables into account. Jenna and Zak Neal, for instance, looked at personality differences and the only effect that survived controlling for demographic differences like age, gender, and relationship status was a small difference in agreeableness. As a personality trait, agreeableness is very much about maintaining social harmony and being willing to compromise. If you think about what the childfree choice means, you can see how childfree people may be somewhat lower on this trait: People who are less agreeable might be more comfortable standing their ground or saying no, if they feel they have to, even if it means not going along with others. But at the end of the day, it is still not a massive difference.'
Jennifer and Zachary tell me: 'We usually don't focus on personality differences because few are statistically significant, and the differences are too small to be practically meaningful, especially after accounting for other demographic characteristics.' They have also found no major differences in life satisfaction among childfree people in comparison to parents, not-yet-parents, and childless people (those who cannot have children but would like them). 'We did find that childfree people tend to be slightly more liberal and that men are more likely to identify as childfree than women – though this may be down to added stigma for women to identify as childfree.'
The social and romantic lives of childfree people
Another aspect of childfree life which Gerlach explored were social motives – what people want in their social lives. When comparing childfree people with others, she found that, overall, childfree people were much more interested in leading independent lives and are less reliant on other people. Gerlach also found that childfree people were less interested in being included in groups more broadly.
'Of course, these overall group differences do not come as a surprise. Where it got really interesting was when we looked at patterns of motives among the childfree participants. We saw two quite distinct subgroups. One of them, which we called the "independents", seems to be driving a lot of the mean differences that we see between childfree and other people. But then there is second group that looks quite different: childfree individuals who are less concerned with independence and much more attuned to others. We call them the "socials" and, going by what we know about them so far, it seems that they contradict a lot of the common stereotypes on childfree adults.'
The same study also explored what childfree people look for in romantic relationships across three dimensions often used in studies of romantic partners – warmth-trustworthiness, status-resources and vitality-attractiveness and an additional measure of whether they would want a partner who was highly family-oriented. 'Our results were interesting – we saw a huge difference for family orientation. Childfree people are not interested at all in finding a partner that is high in family orientation. But for the other partner preference dimensions there were no differences at all. This included warmth-trustworthiness – a dimension which should equip people to be good parents and is also often discussed along those lines in the literature. Childfree people want, more or less, the same partners as other people do, and very much like everyone else they want a partner who is warm, cooperative and that they can rely on.'
Stereotypes
As psychologists we are aware of the real-world implications of stereotypes and stigma attached to certain populations. Research has found that childfree people are perceived as more selfish, immature, emotionally unstable and deviant than parents and less psychologically fulfilled, happy and loving.
There are many theories as to why this might be the case. Zachary says the expectation for people to become parents, or at least to want to have children, is almost a universal normative expectation. 'A person who says "I don't want to have children" is violating a norm – and not just any norm but a very strongly held norm that's been held for millennia.'
The violation of this deeply-held, global, norm, Zachary suggests, can lead to stigma and stereotypes targeted towards childfree people – directed at both men and women. 'Some of these stereotypes include selfishness, self-centredness, that childfree people are focused on their careers, have no responsibilities or have lots of disposable income. We sometimes see the assumption that they hate children, as opposed to simply not wanting children of their own. They are expected to regret their decision, they're seen as unhappy or unfulfilled.'
Jennifer and Zachary have explored levels of warmth felt towards parents and childfree people – and while childfree people feel as much warmth towards each other as they do towards parents, parents feel much warmer towards other parents than childfree people. 'Parents don't feel negatively towards childfree people but they tend to feel especially warm towards other parents. There's this in-group favouritism going on which can lead to childfree people feeling left out when they're in communities with lots of parents.'
A 2017 study by Dr Leslie Ashburn-Nardo (Drexel University) wanted to uncover whether moral outrage could explain negative attitudes directed towards childfree people. She asked participants to rate targets who had either two or no children in terms of their own reactions to the targets and their perceived psychological fulfilment. The childfree target was seen to be significantly less psychologically fulfilled than the parent target and participants felt greater moral outrage towards the childfree target.
Later, Malin Ekelund and Karl Ask (both University of Gothenburg) set out to replicate Ashburn-Nardo's work across two studies with a UK-sample of participants. In their first study 199 participants were asked to rate targets on levels of the target's psychological fulfilment, likeability, and participants' moral outrage. The second study asked 329 people about expected levels of regret among childfree people and their judgement of childfree targets' moral character.
A childfree researcher herself, Ekelund said she was naturally drawn to working to answer questions about this population. Ekelund told me she was particularly surprised by her finding that those who judged the childfree most harshly – in terms of their perceived likeability and moral character – were those who were not yet parents but intended to have children in the future.
'I also find it quite interesting that there isn't a gender difference… what we experience might tell us that women would be judged harsher than men because even these days we see motherhood and being a woman as if they're the same thing.'
The potential for childfree people to regret their decision is often raised as an argument against being childfree. Ekelund told me that the original Ashburn-Nardo paper she replicated found that childfree people were seen as being less psychologically fulfilled and while her work found a similar pattern she uncovered more nuance in her own findings. 'When we dug into our results we could see that childfree people weren't necessarily seen as lacking general fulfilment or satisfaction with life, but perceivers thought that childfree people would regret not having children in the future, and it was that specifically that which observers thought would make them less satisfied with life.'
Those who wanted to have children, or already had them, were more likely to say that childfree people would regret their decision – although research has found a majority do not. Ekelund suggested this finding may hint at a motivational explanation – that people who feel a need to pass moral judgement on childfree are those who feel more threatened by the option to not have children and may question the validity of their own choices.
Ekelund said she would like to see more in-depth, qualitative research into the not-yet-parent group, who were the harshest judges of childfree people. 'This is a bit of a gap in the literature. There are a few qualitative studies with childfree people but not so much of that particular kind of research on how people perceive the childfree.'
Beyond the Western lens
Jennifer and Zachary are extending their work into other countries, as most of the research on childfree people has been restricted to the US, Canada and Europe. 'We're in the middle of a study looking at the Philippines where in the last five or 10 years the popular media and media personalities have been talking about childfree people a lot more. So far we see similar levels of growth in childfree single women which has increased from 4 per cent to 10 per cent in the last 10 years.'
They are also extending their work into Japan – a country with high levels of social conservatism but also with a declining population and birth rate. 'There's lots of national policies designed to encourage people to have children in Japan and the norm to have children in Japan is very strong. The other thing that makes Japan interesting for us is because of this population crisis they collect an enormous quantity of very detailed demographic information. We can study the childfree population in Japan with even finer-grain detail than we can in the United States and over a much longer period of time. We've just started looking at the childfree population in Japan over the last 30 to 40 years and we are seeing the same kind of growth in the childfree population among married and single people.'
Open questions
We've heard the stereotypes aren't true; that the childfree population is in no way homogenous; and that it can be tough to navigate the conversations we have about our decision to turn our back on such an entrenched societal expectation. I asked the academics I spoke to about the burning questions they still hope to answer.
'As a researcher who has been working on interpersonal relationships for over 15 years, I was struck by how little we actually know about the social lives of people who do not have children', Gerlach said. Together with her PhD student Olivia Crawford, Gerlach has sought to address this gap in a recent review focusing on social networks and support in non-parents. Their latest work now investigates social networks of different types of non-parents, with a focus on childfree individuals – examining whether they have friends who are parents, if being childfree is linked to having childfree friends, and more generally, who the people in their social circles are. The researchers also hope to explore whether people conceal their childfree status and whether social networks are supportive of this decision, along with its impact on wellbeing and adjustment more broadly.
Jennifer and Zachary, who are also social network researchers, echoed this sentiment. 'We'd like to see whether childfree people's networks shrink during the period when most of their friends might be having children, which is something we hear anecdotally from childfree people. We'd also like to look at childfree people's finances – things like retirement planning are different for childfree people so we're starting to collect some data about that in Michigan.'
Ekelund said she still has many questions she would hope to answer about childfree populations. 'The acceptance and recognition of gay fatherhood and lesbian motherhood, in for example the UK, has grown a lot in recent years. So it would be interesting to investigate if the norm for these demographic groups might to some extent be shifting from not having kids towards having kids.'
Of course, as a childfree person I find this area of study fascinating. But the growth in the childfree population, and the potential for childfree people's stories to highlight issues in our society – the economy, the stigma associated with rejecting social norms, or deeply-held concerns about the environment – should be of interest to us all. Ella Rhodes is The Psychologist's journalist.
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